Help! Those with 3 young DCs - please talk me through your tea/bath/bed routine and help me regain sanity!

[minimuffin]

I have 3 - age nearly 6, 3 and 6 months. We are in a vicious circle where, try as I might, and I do try hard every day, I cannot get DS1 and 2 into bed before 7.30 and this is too late - it means they're not going to sleep until about 8 then they don't wake til around 8 and mornings are a horrible rush, it's doing my head in!

So, at the mo it normally goes like this (sorry, tedious and a bit long)

4pm in from school, get everyone sorted out, coats & shoes off, drinks, they have a play. I normally give DS3 a milk feed (still BF)

4.30 - I start getting tea ready, allowing time to settle arguments, find lost toys, blah blah

5.15 - they eat together (DS3 doing BLW so needs a good amount of time), I clear up and try to do DS1's reading/homework with him after he's eaten

6 - I get DS3 ready for bed whilst others play and tidy up - I bath him every few nights which takes a bit longer

6.20 - DS1 & 2 get in bath, I give DS3 last milk feed and put to bed

6.45 - get DSs out of bath, get them dressed

7 - downstairs for milk, biscuits and TV programme

7.20 upstairs to go to loo, clean teeth

7.30 into bed, story each, lights out at 7.45

Between 4 and 7.30 I do not stop, I do not sit down (unless I eat with them), I do not take phone calls, I feel like I'm constantly cracking the whip on all the usual crap - arguments over tidying up, doing schoolwork, who gets washed first, choosing stories, getting into bed then getting out to go to loo again blah blah... But having said that DS3 is an angel, co-operates at all times, goes to sleep when I put him to bed THANK GOD. I just can't seem to pull it all back by half an hour and get them to bed earlier so mornings aren't such a rush.

Is this normal or am I crap at managing? Any top tips? I'm sick of beating myself up about it and I am worried about how it's going to be a year from now when I have a probably much less co-operative toddler DS3 and 2 at school who need help with reading/homework in the evenings. And that's not even taking after-school clubs and playdates into account.... Is this just how life is with 3???!!!

Aargh, just typed a long message and my internet crashed!
In a nutshell!
I have 3dcs they're 7/5/3 now but I had the same problem with pretty much the same routine. What made a huge difference to me was stopping the bit where they go back downstairs after bathtime. There was a lot of whinging at first, but I get everyone in the pjs, then we read a story while DD had her last bottle, the others could have a small glass of milk. (basically no-one gets a bedtime drink once they're potty trained cos they have to get up in the night!) Sometimes we'd read 2 stories. We clean teeth in the bath.
The trip back downstairs seemed to add almost an hour by the time everyone had settled etc so it just had to go.
HTH.
if it's any consolation, I still bath them all together and have a record time of 11 minutes

I only have two but agree with cutting out the going downstairs bit at 7pm. I'd just bedtime snack (brought upstairs when we all go up - usually half a bagel here), eaten while reading stories, do loo/teeth, then bed.

Also, there is a good thread somewhere here about morning/evening routines and one thing I gleaned from that was that mornings can be a good time for reading/spellings etc. We have always done this in the morning as DS1 was just too tired after school in reception, but it sounded like it took the pressure off the evenings a bit.

And again, even with two, I don't stop from 4 - bedtime - which is 8 here. It is exhausting. I read your post because I am considering going for #3 and actually find it encouraging that it wouldn't be so different. I think having one in school is the thing that makes evenings more tricky.

I agree with pepperrabbit. Don't go back downstairs after bath - have biscuit/milk before.

Mine are 7, 5 and 2. Oldest now goes back downstairs after bath and watches TV. Middle and youngest have book together, sometimes separately and then go to bed. Remember it all changes so quickly. I can hardly remember being in your shoes now but it wasn't so long ago.

Work with what your kids are like sleep-wise as well. We're lucky in that 5 year old and 2 year old both like their sleep so don't mind going together. I might tweak it if one of them was sleep shy.

And yes it is all go from school until bed. That's why I take advantage of youngest's nice long nap in afternoon to put my feet up.

I agree with pepper about cutting out the trip back downstairs. I have four at 8/6/2 and 10 months. Similar routine up till bath time, they all go in the bath together and then we all stay upstairs 2 year old has a beaker of milk, 10 months old has a bf and the big ones don't have milk now. All sit on a bed together and have a few stories together. Then bed. Usually by 7.10. (8yo has special needs so still needs an early bed as he gets very tired).

X-post Eye

Pepper will be getting a very big head

Oh thank you, yes, that helps if only just to know I'm not alone! A friend with 3 said she had to bath all of hers separately otherwise it descended into chaos. I think if I did that I'd still be there at 9pm but who knows maybe it's divide & conquer! They are good boys on the whole, esp DS1, and I have thought about saying to them it's either a TV programme downstairs or a story in bed, but it has been the routine as long as I can remember and I've been trying not to change things too much since DS3's arrival as I don't want them thinking he's just come along and ruined their cosy set-up... Also undoubtedly one would want the story and one the TV and we'd have to have yet another negotiation! Makes a lot of sense though, maybe I could put a programme on for them after tea instead whilst I deal with DS3 - thanks for reply

I have DC 6,4,1

Do they need a bath every night? Can you try and cut it down to 3 a week if they're not particularly dirty? 25 mins in the bath is way too long, in, wash, out, Sundays are fun bath time

DH and I split the reading/homework between us, he takes one and I take the other (not sure if you have a DH around to help).

Also my older two are in the same bedroom so get the same story, can you bring them both into the same room for one book and then individual snuggles?

I can't see anything else I would change about your routine, 3 kids are chaos!

Iphone - thanks for reply, no, DH v rarely around before 7.45 and often not until later. Actually it's pretty annoying when he rocks up just as I've got them into bed/put the light out as then they want to see him, have a chat, and it just gets later...

DS1 & 2 share a room so sometimes get just one story if we're later than usual. Bathtime is 25 mins at the mo as I feed DS3 whilst they're contained in the bath, but it is too long. Sometimes (like tonight) I shower them which is quicker but then I need to find the extra time from somewhere to feed DS3...

Sounds like I need to try keeping them upstairs post-bath!

Camgirl - 3 has been fine so far, but DS3 is a REALLY easy baby. I know it's going to get harder from here on in as he gets more active and demands more attention and am suddenly feeling slightly overwhelmed. I thought having DS1 in school would make things easier and of course it is easier between 9 and 3 but what it does is make your days way more rigid and put a lot more pressure on the beginning and end of the day. Life was much nicer after I had DS2 and we all just mooched about going to the odd class, DS1 doing half days at nursery. Sigh...! However it should get easier next year when DS2 starts school - at the mo I do a nursery pick-up 4 lunchtimes out of 5 and school pick up mid-afternoon. Poor DS3's napping is constantly being cut short or done on the hoof, he has very little routine, little mite... Good luck!

I've been there - mine are now 6, 4, 2 (all soon to have their next birthday) so it's getting a bit easier. I agree that the school pick up nightmare was the worst - when my DS was a few months old DD1 had just started Reception and DD2 was at nursery at a different location. I had to drop DD1 by 8.30, then DD2 by 9, pick up DD2 at 12 and DD1 at 3. It was utterly exhausting and non stop. Thankfully like yours my youngest was also a very easy baby, toted around everywhere and fitted in with whatever was going on - needs must!

Re bed time, I agree with the others that coming back downstairs is probably what is causing the problem. Can't they have milk, biscuits and TV before their bath while you are bathing the baby?? They might fuss a bit the first night or two but will adjust in no time - or you could do just biscuits and TV while you bath the baby and bring them each up a small beaker of milk after their bath which they drink while you read their stories (we used to do that). Other than that - my evening routine was just like yours, hectic and exhausting with many frayed tempers.

It's much easier now, when I take up DD2 and DS, DD1 stays downstairs and does piano practice / reads / finishes homework and I find the simplicity of putting just 2 of them to bed a total breeze, they are pretty well always in bed with nice long story read by 7pm. DD1 will then go up at 8pm and have a bath or shower on her own and basically put herself to bed. She doesn't really need any help any more (although I keep an ear out to check she's OK obviously).

Ladies - I know this is a bit of a tedious post so you're probably not checking back but, if you are, I wanted to say thank you! I explained to DSs how we would do bath and bedtime differently tonight, with programme after tea whilst I was bathing DS3, then straight to bed following their bath - they were fine, DS1 actually thought it was a good idea. I am now sitting here, at 7.39, with three sleeping boys upstairs and a glass of wine in my hand, the first of the week. Amazing - you know how you can't see the wood for the trees sometimes and it just takes someone to look at your situation objectively?!! So thank you and cheers !

Enjoy your glad it worked!!!!!

Oh well done! Been at work pretty much since my last post or I'd have been basking in the glory of for once, having a useful MN suggestion!

It's too good to be true, it won't work tomorrow... but it just might, so pepperrabbit & co please join me basking in the (alcohol-induced in my case) glow of smugness!!