Divide at school

[GlueSticksEverywhere]

My DCs go to a school which I feel are doing a good job. No problems with the school itself. I do feel sad though that I don't seem to meet many other parents at the school who are like me and who I can relate to. We moved house a couple of years ago and still speak to my old friends and they all talk about their friendships with the other mums. They all seem to be on the same wavelength and I remember having that too . Obviously not with everyone, as you never get on with everyone so I don't expect that.

I have made quite a bit of effort and have got to know a lot of people and I suppose there are a few that I really quite like, but at the old school there was a lot more. I do wonder if it's a class/career/education issue. I know that makes me sound snobby (and please don't shout at me) but I honestly think it might be the problem.

Has anyone else had this?

Shit am I the only one!

There are a fair few threads on MN about people who find themselves having few friends or nothing in common with most the people they see in daily life. Especially after moving house, whilst having young children to look after. It happend to me & came as a huge shock, too.

Just remember, as long as your child is satisfied with their social life then you don't need to make any friends up there. Look elsewhere for your own social connections.

It's not really social connections that I am concerned about. I suppose it would be handy to know my dcs friends parents for playdates etc and for the dcs future friendships. I see them and speak to them etc but we are so different that I am not sure I would be happy with my dc going to their houses. (again I know this makes me sound snobby).

I really do feel that children are shaped by their friends and influenced by them but of course those children are influence by their parents. So if I think the parents are . . . . ahem . . . chavs (sorry I know MN hates that word but don't know how else to describe them) and have no ambitions, careers, further education etc then I worry about my dc growing up with that influence.

[Runs and hides]

You are not the only one. I am a natural North Oxford type, I live in Surrey. My kids are happy, the other parents are graduates on the whole etc. but mainly not really my type. Its fine I have "friends" among parents which is great for lift shares, emergencies etc. I do have some friends here, and some are even parents, but they may not on the whole be my "natural" type.
Oh and I've made it very clear to DH that I don't really want to retire here.
Try to do something where you meet some people on your wavelength. Also realise children and their parents change a lot, especially when parents return to work. Or private/state school divides open up. Or a child struggles at school. And so on.
Good luck!

You would do better simply to say they lack ambition, I thought the Chav word was more about fashion sense than anything else, originally, and presumably it's not their dress sense that makes you think you don't want your kids to mix with theirs, I hope?

What is good about the school or where you're living? Is it really that culturally monotonous, don't any of the parents have jobs or education?

I think chav is a dress sense thing but I think a certain type of personality and attitude goes for that, so that makes it more then clothes. I think so anyway. I must admit though that particular dress sense does offend my eyes and I suppose does make me judge the person on why they would chose to dress such a way. I am a fashion designer though so perhaps that's why it bothers me so much.

I moved from an area which was fairly cosmopolitan, most people were ambitious and had very good jobs. I felt a bit like the poor cousin when I lived there even though I have a degree and a profession. Where I live now, most have jobs I think but more your "earning a bit of cash" rather then a career or particular ambitions. Perhaps it's the contrast that I find hard to get used to.

Writing this I am well aware that I come across as a terrible snob! If I were reading it I would probably tell the OP not to judge anyone on their appearance. I did make friends with one girl (would I would have thought fitted into the chav catagory) and found out not long later that she was a druggie). I don't fancy leaving my dc at her house to play nor want the family to be an influence on my dc as they grow older. I do think she is in the minority though, I don't think it's a school of druggie mums!

Why did you move somewhere so rough?