Aggressive play and language - do I say anything ? (Not as mad as it sounds, please read)

[BarbarianMum]

Ds1 (6) is going through a phase (hopefully) of aggressive play and language - games about people killing people, people killing animals (hunting scenarios) - which I am very uncomfortable with. Killing and dying are also themes in his written work at school: for example, they had to write 'instruction sentences': ds1's first sentence was "Go and kill yourself in the church." His second was "Blow your head off." and so on...

(Should just mention that we visited a Catholic church recently and he was fascinated/horrified by the larger than life crucifix above the alter so I'm pretty sure this is where the church/dying thing comes from).

He is/has always been a very gentle boy and has never been aggressive towards another child, it all comes out through pretend play with cars or figures (so this morning Scoobie Doo killed all the farm animals). Equally he doesn't use aggressive language towards other people.

My question is, do I say anything to him or ignore it and hope it goes away? His teacher, who showed me the sentences, thought it was very funny (I was mortified).

Of course I would definitely take action if he was verbally or physically aggressive to another person but if Scooby Doo goes around slaying lambs and piglets (complete with sound effects) should I object?

Just reread that and realised that it either makes him sound like a monster or me like a nutter.

Anyway, opinions please.

I wouldn't worry. Play is how children make sense of the world and he's not doing anything unusual. As you said, if it extended to hurting himself or people or appeared to worry him, it'd be another story.
What you describe is pretty much him working through new information, it'll get old fairly soon.

To me it sounds perfectly normal and no, he really DOESNT sound like a monster.

Children learn about killing/dying etc. It's quite a hard concept for them to understand and like everything in their pretend play they explore this. It is just uncomfortable for us because rather than parking the car in the garage and filling it up with fuel they are killing the animals etc. Your child doesn't sound like he's transferring this into violent play with his friends so I wouldn't worry.

You may want to sit him down and ask if he's got any questions about killing and dying though - don't be shocked if he asks graphic questions, think of it as an inquisitive mind wanting to know. You can then praise him for keeping the distinction between acting it out with his toys and not becoming aggressive with friends etc.

Gosh - you would be horrified by my ds (age 7) as he is always pretending to slay his sisters and recreating Star Wars battle scenes in lego! His sister (5) also brings death into her writings and drawings - bad witches killing princesses etc.

I see it as a completely normal aspect of imaginary play - it does not mean they are budding psychopaths! The scenarios enable them to work out how they feel about things that scare and excite them and should not be the cause of alarm unless they start trying to hurt kittens etc.

Perhaps I am really wrong and should be booking my children in to see a child pyschologist, but I am pretty sure I am not. As long as your ds does not start really attacking and hurting people/ animals then it is normal he sounds like a lovely imaginative very normal boy.

That is very reassuring, thank you ladies.

bigmouth - not horrified by your ds at all. When you write it down it sounds quite normal (there's a lesson in that for me, isn't there?).

I asked ds (casually) about the 'kill yourself in church thing'. His answer was that it's best to die in church because that is where they put you in a box ready to bury you. So that's alright then.

Actually, I have a friend whose mother did take her to a pyschologist because she kept collecting roadkill and dissecting it. She is now a very normal vet.

My in-laws recently had a clear-out of their loft and handed over all my husband's old school work. From about the age of six all his "creative writing" was about killing people, dying and general oddness that had future psycho written all over it. Thirty years on, you couldn't find a more kind-hearted, placid bloke - unless he's become a genius at hiding his psycho tendencies.