Terrible twos......please help

[pud1]

my. Dd2 is 2.3 and has turned into a nightmare. She was such a stress free baby but the terrible twos have hit and I am at a loss. She throws a tantrum at least 5 times a day, pulls her big sisters hair and is generally naughty. When she is in a good mood she is lovely. O have tried time out but she just does not respond. How do you handle it

pud1 I have no words of wisdom I'm afraid but I was about to post a similar thread. My DD2 is 2.5 and a total nightmare. Her tantrums are making DD1 late for school as she won't get dressed, won't eat breakfast and pulls DD1's hair or bites her.

I'm at a loss too.

Let's hope some parenting expert comes on soon. It's good to know I am not the only one though. I know it won't go on forever but I don't think I can stand it another day

It's worth having a big stock of parenting techniques in your back pocket to deal with this kind of thing.

At that age, distraction and misdirection are probably best. Sing a song, tell a story, turn the situation in a game, offer a toy etc. etc.
I've found these books helpful when it comes to ideas to try and encourage helpful behaviour in toddlers and defusing their tantrums:

Positive Discipline 0-3
Toddler Taming
Playful Parenting

Jo Frost has a book out aimed at parenting toddlers. I haven't read it myself, but if you've found the ideas in her show useful, I imagine it's worth a look.

Thanks. I was considering starting the naughty step thing but not sure of the process or if she is too young

I don't use the naughty step, I find it too rigid. My general principles for dealing with toddlers (DS is 3.2 now) are:

1. Pick your battles.

1. Try to focus on what you want them to do rather than what you don't want them to do. So encourage gentle playing, try to use positive language (e.g. Don't walk on the road becomes Stay on the pavement) and offer alternatives (You must not hit people, but you can hit the sofa. You must not kick, but you can kick this balloon.) Try to let them do things for themselves without interfering or trying to help, even if it takes longer, the insistence on doing it themselves only gets worse and it's easier if they're fairly competent at things by the time they get to the really insistent phase! On this note, assume everything is going to take at least twice as long as it really should.

1. Model the behaviour you want to see. Use please and thank you, ask them nicely to do things rather than demanding, listen to them, if you catch yourself shouting or doing something else you don't want to, apologise, explain you were wrong for shouting, repeat the point you were trying to make calmly.

1. Never be afraid to cuddle. Cuddles are not a reward, they are just cuddles and often a cuddle is what you both need. Remember tantrums are often an outpouring of overwhelming emotion. Don't be afraid to restrain them, but do it in a way that isn't going to hurt them unnecessarily (if they're hurting themselves by pushing against you then there's not much you can do about that, but generally something like a bear-hug from behind is safer than grabbing at arms because you can easily squeeze them harder than you intend to, especially if they are struggling.)

1. Try to get down to their level, intellectually as well as physically. For example, recognising that "sharing" is not innate at this age and using a concept they can understand like "taking turns". Explain stuff before it happens, especially if there is a change to the expected routine.

1. Try to keep on top of naps and snacks. A hungry or tired toddler is an argumentative one.

1. Keep consequences logical and constructive. Ideally they should either encourage an accepted method of dealing with the situation, or help the child to understand why something is a bad idea. Time out is fine if they need to calm down or be removed from a situation, it teaches them to remove themselves when they are getting to boiling point. But I wouldn't use it for something like refusal to tidy up, and I try not to use it as a threat, more try to offer it as a choice (the fact it's a choice I know he doesn't like is irrelevant at this point, since there's not much else he can do to calm himself down.)

If at all possible place tantrum having toddler in a safe place and leave. Tantruming without an audience is not worth the effort.

... and offer a massive cuddle as soon as they've calmed down enough for it to happen, so they don't feel like they've done something too terrible.

Bertie speaks very wisely.

Most toddlers love to help and enjoy being involved - boredom can be a tantrum causer!
"Come and help Mummy do X..."
"Where do we put the books?"
are good ways of encouraging a toddler to do helpful things with you.

In shops, encourage your toddler to put things in your basket/trolley, hand things to you at the check-out etc.