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Original poster

Good dad or bad dad?

51 replies

emkana · 07/01/2006 18:55

Physically present reasonable amount of time (home at six every night, around practically 100 % at the weekend)
very patient
very loving
good at "explaining the world"
always there for family meals in the evening
happy to go on family outings at the weekend, esp. in the summer
nearly every night there to get children changed
reads bedtime story (about 5 to 10 mins)
doing some physical play, "rough and tumble"

BUT
often distracted, with nose in book/in the paper/on the computer, even when children are having bath etc
practically never doing any actual play with children

I'm always inclined to weigh the bad parts more than the good parts, interested to know what you all think

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Original poster
emkana · 08/01/2006 09:06

hunkermunker

Do you think dads are more likely to play with boys? You know, scalectrix and that sort of thing?

OP posts:
Katemum · 08/01/2006 09:27

My dh spends his life being distracted and when i or the kids try to talk to him it usually takes a couple of shouts in his face to get his attention but all in all he is a very good dad and does much the same as yours. I just have to learn to live with the fact that he is often away with the fairies!

compo · 08/01/2006 09:30

I agree with the others - he sounds a lot better than my dh! My dh isn't so happy to do things with us at the weekends - would prefer to be on his own doing DIY, using the PC or just generally slobbing about. It's what we argue about all the time

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crazydazy · 08/01/2006 09:49

Sounds exactly like my DP too,

He has always been a family kind of man and plays with them too but recently he got a new game for his Nintendo DS at Xmas and DD is able to play with it with him but unfortunately DS isn't and thats when the fight for Daddy's attention begins

Its always been the same in our house - Daddy for play me for cuddles and sympathy.

XmasPud · 08/01/2006 09:56

emkana - do you do the same kind of weighing up of your own parenting skills? Does your DH do this type of weighing up of your parenting skills and post it up on a blokey website?? Just wonder how he would feel if he thought you were posting this and how you would feel if you found out him comparing your abilities online?
Personally, he sounds great. Not sure about your motivation for asking this though. None of us are perfect.

crazydazy · 08/01/2006 10:26

She's just curious thats all, what he doesn't know won't harm him will it?

Original poster
emkana · 08/01/2006 11:07

Xmaspud - isn't that one of the things Mumsnet is for, to put forward things that you disagree with people in RL about, and to try and get a perspective on things???
What about the countless "Am I being unreasonable?" threads there have been... same thing surely?

I'm really surprised at your post!

OP posts:
Enid · 08/01/2006 11:08

are you a bloke xmaspud

MaloryTowers · 08/01/2006 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 08/01/2006 11:44

Sounds like my DH Emkana - but he is a FANTASTIC dad. Compared so some I know of, i am BLOODY lucky.

Well done on finding one of the "good ones" out there x

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 08/01/2006 11:44

oh, and if its any conselation (sp?) me and DH argue too... but its petty realyl when you look at the bigger picture of what he DOES actually do.

Aloha · 08/01/2006 11:48

I agree that bedtime story, rough and tumble, talking, sharing meals, being loving and being on family outings is the same as playing with them. There's a difference surely between nurturing a child and being a child.
he sounds like he'd help them make a snowman - or at least supervise and encourage, and find a carrot for the nose. How old are they? Are they old enough for board games such as Risk or Monopoly or card games? Those are the sort of things you need parents for (just to make up the numbers if nothing else) not Playmobil.

Original poster
emkana · 08/01/2006 13:26

They are four and two.

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 08/01/2006 13:27

good dad.

fastasleep · 08/01/2006 15:15

Lol! My DH sneaked up here, read this and left it on the screen so I couldn't complain about him having his nose in his book anymore!

twirlaround · 08/01/2006 16:41

It does sound as though you feel that you don't play enough with your children & that is why it is particularly grating on you that dh doesn't either.

However, as others have said, there are many types of play, and between you you seem to tick a lot of these boxes, quite possibly more than most in fact. It might be a bit perfectionist to expect to tick the box for all sub-categories of types of play. You don't need to be perfect at it all, just relax and think about how much you are getting right as a family. It seems like a great deal of it and I think your kids are lucky: even luckier if you and dp can relax and appreciate each others strengths

Prettyfull · 08/01/2006 20:54

Blimey, you lot are lucky!!! My dp doesnt do half of what your lo's fathers are!!

hercules · 08/01/2006 20:56

It's not luck but doing what they should do.

Prettyfull · 08/01/2006 20:59

Yes your right, my man needs sorting out lol. On a serious note, i had a word with him a while back and hes trying but i still want more! c

Prettyfull · 08/01/2006 20:59

Yes your right, my man needs sorting out lol. On a serious note, i had a word with him a while back and hes trying but i still want more! c

Prettyfull · 08/01/2006 20:59

OOPS SORRY, dd is playing with keyboard!

helsi · 08/01/2006 21:02

soundds like my dh and TBH there isn't much time for much more actual play in the veneing as bedtime routine etc but at least he is involved in that. at weekends he can't be active ALL the time surley.

BonyM · 08/01/2006 21:07

He sounds like me actually (although I'm not very patient)!

Tbh I find "proper" play rather tedious (bad mummy )so although I will do it when pushed I can't say I enjoy it.

He sounds like a great dad. There are fathers who do much less (my ex for example).

XmasPud · 09/01/2006 09:38

think I misjudged the tone of original post - sorry. Suprised at my post tbh, rather harsh! Of course it is ok to ask and get perspective - sorry, feeling rather embarrassed and a bit humble now..
fwiw, he does sound lovely though

my DH is a lovely dad too - but only "parents" them if he has been asked, told, explained. He will never ever just make them a snack/get them dressed/get out a puzzle/take them to the park etc unless I have already asked him to do it. He lacks total initiative but still, when he "follows orders" he is a great dad. Feels like I am the only parent and he is a teenage au pair at times though - how harsh is that?!!!! poor dh. Maybe my nasty unjustified first post was out of a weird jealousy and a lot of frustration as my Dh was lounging around in bed at the time of posting and really irritating me

sugarbaby · 09/01/2006 13:28

I think that all people have different parenting strengths and weaknesses. My DH is a fantastic father to our DS and literally gets involved in everything, even "proper" play. And yet the other day he was saying he felt he wasn't there enough because he works in London and only gets home in time for bedtime stories and putting DS to bed. but on weekends he gives DS most of his attention. The only thing I wouldn't expect him to do is get up in the night as he has to get up for work and I don't, but I'm perfectly happy with that.

A friend, on the other hand, has a DP who doesn't get involved with his child at all, to the extent that when we went to this child's birthday party, her DP was up on his computer bidding for something on EBay! We didn't see him for the entire duration of the party.

So I think I'm totally lucky to have such an awesome DH who is a wonderful father, and my friend has the other end of the scale. I think that if you can get somewhere in the middle, it's still alright.

As for dads playing less with girls than boys, I think that there is something to be said for that.

My mum never played with us when we were kids though, and my dad was the one who did the play, and it might therefore not surprise you to know that instead of dolls, I had a scalectrics and a train set, and spent a lot of time out in the garage playing with oily spanners etc (my dad was a mechanic back then) lol.