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Parenting

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Original poster

Good dad or bad dad?

51 replies

emkana · 07/01/2006 18:55

Physically present reasonable amount of time (home at six every night, around practically 100 % at the weekend)
very patient
very loving
good at "explaining the world"
always there for family meals in the evening
happy to go on family outings at the weekend, esp. in the summer
nearly every night there to get children changed
reads bedtime story (about 5 to 10 mins)
doing some physical play, "rough and tumble"

BUT
often distracted, with nose in book/in the paper/on the computer, even when children are having bath etc
practically never doing any actual play with children

I'm always inclined to weigh the bad parts more than the good parts, interested to know what you all think

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Original poster

emkana · 07/01/2006 18:57

Am going out now, but hoping to read lots of answers later! Thanks!

OP posts:

flashingnose · 07/01/2006 18:57

Have you posted about this before emkana? Sorry if not, just rang a bell.

FWIW, I think your DH does way more than most IME.

hunkermunker · 07/01/2006 18:57

He's the best dad they'll have I'd say the good def outweighs the bad in this instance. How old are the children? What sort of play do you think he should be doing?

It's good for children to see their parents enjoying reading, IMO.

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hunkermunker · 07/01/2006 18:57

FN, I wondered that too.

Mandymoo · 07/01/2006 18:57

Sounds like a bloody good dad to me! My dh sounds just the same but i actually think to myself that he doesnt give dd enough of his attention but having read through your "good" list, i have to say that dh does all of those things. He also does all the "bad" things in your other list! Dont think either of us can complaint!

Original poster

emkana · 07/01/2006 18:57

yes I have

it just seems to be something we often argue about, so keep returning to it

Sorry, hope some of you will still be happy to answer.

OP posts:

twirlaround · 07/01/2006 18:58

Sounds good to me

mykidsmum · 07/01/2006 18:58

I think he sounds great, what is it that you feel you would like him to do that he isn't?

flashingnose · 07/01/2006 18:58

I'm more than happy to, just thought I might go and check if I wrote anything last time .

hunkermunker · 07/01/2006 18:59

I did answer, Emkana

waterfalls · 07/01/2006 19:02

Hell, wanna swap DHs?????

Mercy · 07/01/2006 19:02

Does he do the good things without prompting?

My dh does a fair bit from your list - but I almost always have to 'remind' him. He's certainly not patient though.

waterfalls · 07/01/2006 19:04

The one to one he has with your children is way way more important than playing, your children will always fondly remember the bedtime story telling and him being there.

sobernow · 07/01/2006 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinotmum · 07/01/2006 19:19

He sounds really great to be honest. My dh is great at the stories and the physical play and he's now teaching them games like snakes and ladders. The practical stuff like baths, food, cleaning teeth and bed times he's not too good on and I have to remind him. The children love him doing their bathtime but I always have to ask him if he has the time (he does alot of work in the evenings on the pc). I'm the routine person and he's the chill person so this can cause the odd row

Enid · 07/01/2006 19:20

sounds identical to my dh

WideWebWitch · 07/01/2006 19:24

He sounds good I think and probably does about the same as me by the sound of it. (Except I'm not even there during the week atm so I don't even see them in the evenings but that's sort of temporary.) Even though I'm there at weekends I don't think children should get 100% attention all the time, really I don't. I think it's fine for parents to try occasionally to read the paper/post on mumsnet/slope off for a bath in peace.

WideWebWitch · 07/01/2006 19:26

And I will happily walk in the woods/cook/read books/talk to my children (and do, quite a bit of all of those) but rarely actually play with them. They're on their own for that! I will help say set up a farm animal scene or will get the play dough/crayons out but that's it.

hana · 07/01/2006 19:27

great dad sounds like
lucky kids!

hunkermunker · 07/01/2006 19:27

WWW, absolutely agree re children not getting 100% attention. It's about knowing your parents are there for you, but also that they do things they enjoy too. Mutual respect for personal space is fab (I tell myself as DS plays and I MN ).

Tipex · 07/01/2006 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

emkana · 07/01/2006 23:23

Thank you all for answering, I really appreciate it. It's so good to read it and it makes me realize that I should really lay off him a bit.

The thing is I read on this other message board and there they were talking about fathers and how they were spending a huge amount of time doing "proper" play with their children - role play and getting the playmobil out and all that, and dh never does that and doesn't want to, and he also doesn't really want to do puzzles etc.

On the other hand I should admit to myself more that in many ways he is better parent than me, especially where his patience is concerned, because I'm terrible for that and far too often raise my voice.

I don't know why I'm so obsessed with thinking that he (and I!) should do "proper play" with them all the time, it's something I guilt-trip myself with too, probably unneccessarily.

OP posts:

emily05 · 07/01/2006 23:31

emkana - was really surprised at your post - are we married to the same man?! lol

my dh is exactly the same. He is always distracted and I hate it when he sits there reading when they are in the bath. But the good outweighs the bad.

a good dad I reckon and you sound like a good mum for being bothered x

Original poster

emkana · 07/01/2006 23:47

Thanks emily05.

It's really great to have Mumsnet to get some perspective on things.

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 08/01/2006 01:32

Emkana, FWIW, if my dad had sat down and played Sindy dolls with me, I'd have thought he'd gone absolutely stark staring mad.

But that doesn't stop him being a lovely dad, the best I'll ever have

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