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How does your 7 month old sleep? Do I have to control cry?

27 replies

thedevilisinthedetail · 03/12/2011 20:35

ds (7 month old) will only sleep on me or in the buggy...also have a dd (2.9) and really feel I am starting to go mad.

I have always been quite vague about routinue much prefering to go with the flow and it did seem that all was working out and ds had 3/4 naps throughout the day and then went down well at 7/8 o'clock and although would not sleep all night would settle again in bed with us.

But for the last few weeks ds cannot settle himself or stay settled. I have been feeling overwhelmed and tired and so that he sleeps have just had him on me or bought him into bed at night. Feel like I am getting sleep but always feel very tired and that I am barely holding everything together with the two of them and sobbed over a mum I barely know at a playgroup the other day which was embarrassing.

So what I'm asking is, what do you do to get your 7 month old to sleep? Where do they sleep during the day? Am I expecting too much that he sleeps without me given that he has managed this for a good few months?

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thedevilisinthedetail · 03/12/2011 20:37

Said do I have to control cry as that's what my Mum and other family members say I should be doing. Just let him get on with it and he'll sort himself out...not really feeling that as a solution!

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breatheslowly · 03/12/2011 20:50

Are you sure he isn't coming down with something - I think this often affects sleep before having any other symptoms.

doughnutty · 03/12/2011 20:53

Sorry. No advice. Marking my place for answers. DD is 5 months. Slept well for four of them. Now won't go in her cot at all. DH and I are like 2 single parents sharing a ho

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doughnutty · 03/12/2011 20:56

Posted to early - damn phone!!

sharing a house. We have a ds too who's 2.

Path of least resistance here so one of us is in bed with her from 7 every night. Never see DH. I miss him Sad

Jokat · 03/12/2011 21:06

Hi. Not sure I can be of much help, but my dd1 had a phase of not settling other than on us when she was two years old. We'd be sitting in the feeding chair with her (sometimes for a good hour as she fought the tiredness) until she dropped off and then trying to transfer her to her cot ever so carefully. In the end we took the side of the cot off and put a barrier on that we could fold down. I'd then kind of half lie in the cot with my upper body so we could still be cuddled up until she fell asleep. Then it was much easier for me to withdraw once she was asleep and I gradually decreased our skin to skin contact. If you can lower the side of your cot you could cradle him and rest him and your arms on the mattrass while kneeling in front of the cot. This may be a bit of an awkward position but it worked for us :)

Sparklyboots · 03/12/2011 21:35

Oh, my DS went through a pretty painful phase like this around 7/8months. It would take him ages to settle, then I'd be in and out over and over until we went to bed with him, (about 11pm) where he'd proceed to squirm and faff.

My 11 mo is taken through the same sequence of events every night around the same time (depending on his nap). We tidy up, bath, go to bed with a book, then it's lights out. I stay with him while he falls asleep (we co-sleep) and sometimes he feeds to sleep (he is breastfed) though often he has his milk then makes himself comfortable and drifts off. I am reassuring but not playful; if he sits up or starts crawling around, I gently lie him back down, but I don't talk, play, get annoyed or do anything except look like I'm going to sleep.

This seems to work for us, though during developmental phases it can take a while for him to drift off, and he might need resettling lots. He is quite a good sleeper - I'm rarely up before 7.30 though when he was younger we'd be up anytime from 6. Developmental phases are predictable and far less maddening if you know about them - have you read The Wonder Weeks? It details the whens and whats of developmental phases and soothes your panic when it seems like your baby will never sleep again.

As for controlled crying, I am in the UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES camp, because I have read books citing lots of research showing that while it might 'work' for the parents in the short term (i.e. baby stops crying for mum at night) it has negative long-term effects on the baby's brain and relationships. Why Love Matters is a good book for this, or What Every Parent Needs to Know which is a lighter read. Or Your Baby and Child by Penelope Leach, which iirc doesn't do the heavy handed research argument but does point out that the most significant lesson of cc for the baby is that it's pointless crying for mum.

When I've read other Help! My Baby Can't Sleep - Am Hallucinating! threads the No Cry Sleep Solution always gets honourable mentions, so it might be worth getting. My advice from my (one baby!!!) limited experience is to always act as if you totally expect him to go to sleep at the allotted time, always do the same sequence of events (we even read the same book most of the time - because we travel about a lot and I want to replicate our home routine in strange beds), act like a presence but not a playmate after 'lights out' and never show your panic, frustration or uncertainty about the whole thing when he is having a wobble.

I know it's awful when you feel sleep deprived and there seems to be no end in sight, but your baby will sleep at night and you will get through these sleep deprived months. My baby is only a few months older than yours and what I know from these extra months is - it goes in the blink of an eye. Everything changes so very quickly! In the meantime, is it possible for someone to help you out in the day a bit so you could grab a few naps? or could you go to bed a few times at the same time as your son to do some catch-up until he starts settling again?

Good luck x

thedevilisinthedetail · 03/12/2011 21:36

Thanks for the replies!

Breathe - he has had a mild chest infection, though now you mention that probably was when all this started. He is full of beans now however and remarkably unsnotty when you look at his peers. Hadn't actually put together that that was this all started until you wrote that though...god am useless!

Doughnutty - path of least resistance is our way too..for the last few nights I have slept with ds in spare room. Also miss dh.

Jokat - can't lower the cot so have been trying to do decreasing skin to skin in our bed and then move him. Might see if I can get a second hand cot with a side that lowers and see if that helps.

This last week has just been unable to put him down for more that a few minutes. Thanks for the advice so far. Where do you put your LO's to sleep during the day?

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sunnyweather · 03/12/2011 21:38

Have you read no cry sleep solution? I'm going thro this with my 6 month old and have found this book v helpful. It is written in a v kind way putting no pressure on you. Ds - was never a good sleeper but really got bad at 5 months and recently was only sleeping if lying next to me which was leading to ever increasing night feeding and total exhaustion. Things have got a bit better since reading this book and starting to implement her strategies. We never had much of a routine either and a big change for us has beentrying to get regular daytime naps- I think he was really overtired before without me realising it. The only way I've managed this is by going out for long walks with the buggy twice a day, he has a dummy and I've also invested in a sleepy tot bunny dummy holder . I've not cracked it but this book is full of tips to help you gradually change things if you don't want to cry it out. ( currently ds is in his cot asleep and I am in bed missing his cuddles!)

Sparklyboots · 03/12/2011 21:39

Our ds is in a sling or on the sofa or on the bed or in an armchair with me (and a book) in the day

thedevilisinthedetail · 03/12/2011 21:47

Thanks Sparkly - will look into The Wonder Weeks inparticular I think. I know that this will probably pass all too quickly. I watched my 2 year old dd today carrying a mat up to the top of a slide arranging it so she could come down this massive slide all by herself and looking at her thinking, 'When did you get so grown up?' But...feels like I will lose it if this goes on much longer. When dh helps he always brings ds downstairs which leaves ds grinning and no doubt thinking, 'Play time!'. I think I might be more firm at putting a stop to that as it means on nights when I'm by myself (like tonight!) I have more of a battle. dh was same when helping with dd so I just took over night time but with both of them I do so many jobs around the house in the evening that dh takes over this bit. Don't want to feel like I'm telling him I'm doing it all wrong!! Same book is a good idea too...you're right he needs the signals of bed to be really clear!

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thedevilisinthedetail · 03/12/2011 21:52

Sunny - what is a sleep tot bunny dummy holder?? No pressure advice is definitely what required. Have quite a long walk to dd preschool so during the week he gets that which is good. Maybe I could sleep when he sleeps and she is a preschool - just feel guilty for not sorting the house/disaster zone!

I have ds on sofa in armchair during the day -can't do sling any more as he is too heavy. Thought might improve if he associated cot with sleep...

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Caz10 · 03/12/2011 22:01

Dd2 is almost 7mths- naps in pram during day (either in house or out and about). Settles v quickly around 7pm (feed to sleep) but can then pop up again 3-4 times before midnight. Then a 4hr ish stretch, then wriggly till 7ish. Depending on how tired I am she comes in with me either at 11ish or 3/4ish. I think that is pretty normal amounts of sleep tbh, ESP when you factor in teeth and colds. Grim though, when dd1 gets up at 6!!

LadyMetroland · 03/12/2011 22:02

My dd2 (6.5mths) has just learnt how to self-settle after a bit of very light controlled crying during the day. I put her in her cot for a nap when I knew she was knackered (and not hungry, clean nappy, blackouts down etc), she cried for about 5mins then went to sleep. Has self settled since then including at night. I put her in her cot but she coslept until recently.

I've also recently stopped bf which I also thinks helps them to settle (this was against my will but I've got to go into hospital and so was forced to give it up ... but massive upside is dd2 is SO much easier now mainly because I think she's getting enough milk whereas with bf I do think perhaps they often aren't quite getting enough...)

I know how hard it is when you're knackered esp with a toddler to look after too. I would never have done controlled crying with DD1 (major PFB syndrome!) but paid the price as a consequence as she still can't settle herself now aged 2! Anecdotally, friends of mine who've done it really say it should work pretty quickly if it's going to work.

breatheslowly · 03/12/2011 22:12

www.twins-store.co.uk/Sleepytot-Baby-Comforter-dummy-clip How cute is that?

HandMini · 03/12/2011 22:12

I've done v similar to Lady Metro with my 6 month old. At her fixed nap times, we do the same routine (two story books, put the blinds down together, into sleeping bag, lights out) and I then leave the room. I let her cry for no more than 3-4 minutes, then go back in and pop her dummy in, and she usually crashes out. It's improved her night sleeping too.

I know lots will disagree, but I don't think this is cruel. 3-4 minutes (and I did time it at first) is a short period of time, she knows now that I'm going to come back in and put dummy in, and I see it just as an energy release / self-knackering thing before she can get off to sleep. I think some baby experts call it "crying down".

I've read No Cry Sleep Solution and thought it was great, and have used some of those tips too. When DD was smaller I did pick up / put down...didn't really work for us, but has for others that I know.

sunnyweather · 03/12/2011 22:17

Yep, I had to make a choice between baby napping and tidy house - my house has been pretty messy since trying to get the naps sorted-Blush I've realised it does work tho-Smile I'm really strict about times ( and have gone from no routine to a bit obsessive). I think he is starting to get the hang of it and has actually had a couple of indoor naps in his buggy which never happened before.

If you google sleepy tot you will see the bunnies. They are really cute baby safe soft toys that can hold up to 4 dummies ,so baby can find dummy himself in the cot and can't fling them thro the slats. The no cry sleep solution book also recommends a 'lovey' which is a toy or blanket that baby can learn to associate with sleep times so we thought that it would serve two purposes- they are also just v cute so would recommend.
If you google the book title and author ( sorry can't remember) you should get some extracts from the book. I got mine from the local library but it is one that might be worth buying- I was desperate when I read it and actually just reading it made me feel a lot better. We are still pretty sleep deprived but sleeping a bit better than before and feeling optimistic- fingers crossed for u too

PointyLittleDonkeyEars · 03/12/2011 22:18

Mine both started popping teeth round about this age, so he might be in pain. I'd go with the gentler sleep solutions, but would be looking into teething issues as well.

thedevilisinthedetail · 04/12/2011 20:53

Had the most dreadful night with the two of them...one fell asleep and then the other one woke up from 10 till about 3...argh!!!! And then both ready to go at 6.30. Not good. Despite zombie state (dh away for the night and not back till lunch time) decided that with ds would try and avoid the 5/6 20 minute cap naps per day on me that he has been going in for recently. If he feel asleep on me I put him down until he actually for 30 minutes on sofa!!!!! whilst I made lunch. So silly but actually felt like a huge achievement! dh came home and took both children out, got a little rest (amazing how much better you feel with some uninterupted sleep). Tonight ds feel asleep on me. Tried to put him down several times, really didn't want to leave him crying at the moment. Eventually put him down on his front (that's ok at 7 months I hope?) and so far so good. heading to the library for some of the suggested literature tomorrow though. Thanks for all the suggestions!

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thedevilisinthedetail · 04/12/2011 20:54

Breathe - I love the dummy clip!!

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HandMini · 04/12/2011 21:28

Well done Devil, that sounds like a pretty hellish night, but you're still posting! And I admire your resilience to get out there and find some more reading tomorrow. Hope things improve.

Caz10 · 04/12/2011 21:39

Dd2 started sleeping on her front as soon as she could roll over, it's often the only way she'll settle now!
It is hideous when they take it in shifts to wake you :(

thedevilisinthedetail · 04/12/2011 21:49

Thanks Handmini!

Yes I think when dd had a tantrum at 2 am (we were all in my bed by this point) because she wanted to lie like a starfish and I was in the way and woke ds up so comprehensively that he was giggling as he finds her the funniest person on this planet tantruming or not, I was well on the way to losing it big time!!...but we all cam through. ds still asleep on his front...amazing...proper two handed mn - ing!

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thedevilisinthedetail · 04/12/2011 22:13

ARGH!! And now dh has bought ds down so he can play a game on laptop till I am ready to go up with him!!! Time to go and scream into a pillow!

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breatheslowly · 04/12/2011 22:36

I'm sure you know this, but night time has to be night time - no playing on laptops!

vess · 05/12/2011 11:02

Co-slept with DD1 and DD2 when they were babies so we always got a decent night sleep, even on a bad night. Compared to that, trying to settle DS (my eldest) in his cot only for him to wake up half an hour later was a complete nightmare.