Limpet 14 month old, neglected 4 year old and exhuasted mummy

[Allegrogirl]

I'm starting to find it really hard to cope with clingy 14 month old who desperately wants mummy when we're at home but is really confident at nursery, GPs, friends, park etc. I work 3.5 days per week and want to make the most of my time with my DDs but the whinging and clinging is driving me nuts.

We have all had one virus after another for months on end and I'm so tired I've been to the GP for blood tests, all negative. I want to spend time with DD1 who is just 4 but when DD2 does sleep I feel the need to make inroads into the laundry, washing up, mess and attempt to cook something with vitamins that two fussy girls will eat. Her sleeps are very unpredictable so I get stressed about that too.

On the two days I'm at home DH returns to find DD1 zombified in front of the TV and DD2 attached to my hip while I cook one handed.

When will I be able to tidy, cook, teach DD1 to read and write? It's really getting to me today and I feel quite tearful. And now I feel guilty as I am so lucky to have my wonderful girls and I'm not even with them all the time.

Any advice or words of wisdom to survive this?

Hello, Didnt want your post to go unanswered. It is so difficult when one child is so clingy and the other gets left out.
I have 3 DD's - youngest is 9 weeks old and has been suffering with bronchilitus and a chest infection so has been taking up all of my time. My other DD's are 3 and 5.
My situation is a bit easier as the older 2 keep eachother company. But there is only 16 months between them so had the problem of seperation anxiety of a baby and trying to stimulate a toddler at the same time. To be honest, I let my elder daughter distract the younger one whilst I did meals. And at times I just had to leave the baby crying if I needed to do something urgently (like going to the loo!!)

I would suggest trying to get your 4yr old to play games with your little one whilst you do the meal preparation. I know children dont alway want to help out, but it could be an option if she is willing.
Try not to stress about the house work - it's not important! If you get a quiet half hour to spend with your 4 year old, take it. Even if it's just 10 mins. Not only will you feel better but she will enjoy it too.

I found setting tasks for my older girls when Im tied up with the baby very helpful. My eldest daughter is very much like her dad and loves to tidy up!! So I play 'put all the clothes on the bed' 'keep the cups on the kitchen side' 'stack the shoes' etc. And that helps a bit with the house work. My middle daughter much prefers cleaning/washing, so she puts the washing in the washing machine for me - 'find all the dark clothes' 'pile up the pink clothes'and so on.
It doesnt always work, but it keeps them occupied and assists me with the chores.
DD1 has now started school and asks how everything is spelt, and I find myself running from room to room sounding out words with her.

Dont dispair, the clingy stage will pass. I totally understand how you are feeling. I make sure I give my girls at least 5 mins of one to one every night, be it a story, playing or even just getting ready for bed. Children love any time they get with mummy or daddy.

It doesn't help when you feel run down, so take care of yourself and you will feel much brighter once you are back in good health xxx

I would keep meal preparation as easy as possible and get older dd to help with much" ooh you are a big help to mummy"
Get your dh to help out too. Half an hour per nite looking after younger child so you can dedicate your time to 4 up

Agree with the above, tidying is not important when you've got a cling-on and recovering from illness. I leave all the washing up til the evening. Make meals that are just stick in the oven things - roasts, casserole, tray bakes or soup you can just leave to itself with the odd stir. Veg like mushrooms and peppers can be broken up by a small child without using a knife, if she'd like to help.

A sling eg an Ergo where you can put a heavier child on your back will atleast give you another free hand.

Also I find it helps to give a burst of attention before I need to do some chore and preparing them by saying you are going to do X after this game but will come back.

Would the 4 year old do singing or nursery rhymes or building towers to be knocked down? Ds loves those books with common everyday objects - she could explain to the younger one while you shove dinner in the oven.

Thank you for your replies. I was feeling really low about it a few days ago but we've had a couple of better days and I feel I may actually survive this after all.

DD1 is pretty good at keeping DD2 entertained when she's not feeling too clingy. We stagger bedtime to spend time with DD1 playing games with small bits in and we've just started some very basic reading and writing.

Yesterday we stayed at home and took it turns to tidy and entertain the kids. I think we are trying to do too much most of the time and we all feel better for a day at home.

albrecht I have a patapum but struggle to get DD2 into on my own and she's really at that up and down stage. I battle to get her in then she's leaning out to the side as something fascinating has caught her eye. Cue high pitched whinging until she is put down whereupon desperation to be picked up begins again.

DD2 is such a star when we're out. Maybe she's bored at home!

When my dd is a cling on she is normally hungry, thirsty or tired - are you sure it's none of those things? Especially if she is so happy out and about?

pinkappleby she's usually tired or sometimes I think it's tooth pain. She often refuses to nap even when she is exhausted and all the signs are good. Sometimes she will snuggle down in her cot with her eyes shut and 5 minutes later be rattling the bars like a convict. DD1 was just the same.

Yes unfortunately ds is the same with the leaning and up / down business. Glad to hear you've had some better days.