Advice on finding good opair.

[biyboo]

I have a thread on relationships titled Husband left me at 5 months pregnant with first child. If you read this it will explain my situation. I am alone and would like to employ a good/ live in opair. Does anyone have good recommedations or organisations they think would be helpful or know of anyone who is interested in being a nanny/opair. I would really appreciate any shared advice on any of above. I already have doula booked for baby due end of March 2012 but am interested in any help before and on going help definitely after birth when baby is 4-8 weeks old. My own working back ground is teaching 16-21 year olds so I can relate to young person's needs also.

No idea but you may like to know it is aupair :)

I think you may want to define exactly what you want this person to do. Most au pairs are in no way suitable to care for a very young baby and would resent doing housework.

They will also be ill equipped to care for a postnatal mother with hormones flying all over the place and regardless if your professional background the last thing you'll want to do is handhold an inexperienced teenager living in a foreign country.

Might I suggest a recently qualified nanny or mothers help?

Really late for me last night when typing and feel stupid now for typing out au pair as opair. I was in tears from 4 to 11pm last night as going through a divorce while 5 months pregnant and divorce was not my choice.
Have so much that am sorting out and now I would just like some regular home help. I do have a cleaner but would like to combine a role with a little housework, not much at all and I do know that I will be doing all primary care for new born and am totally happy with that. I do not have any family here and would ideally prefer someone living here.
Please by kind with your replies as I just would like some sensible advice. This is my first child and all this,everything is just new to me and I don't know where to begin from.

Some one recently told me that nanny's are quite expensive and could you expand on mother's help.

I just didn't want youth be searching for the wrong thing in vain :)

I've been where you are except I was 12 weeks pregnant with two existing children. It can be done.

How are you biyboo? I've read your other threads and am hoping you are coping well.

(Youth?? That was meant to be you to be. Damn autocorrect :o)

Nannies aren't that expensive when living in. You could always offer a morning live in job and then they could pick up after school work.

A mothers help is usually a very junior nanny, prepared to do housework not related to the baby and just generally help out. An experienced nanny would expect to just take over IYSWIM but someone who has maybe done their diploma and is just starting out will be more flexible and sensitive to your needs. They can be worth their weight in gold because they're enthusiastic and keen to get experience with newborns because in the long term it'll boost their career.

What's your budget? How long term are you needing someone for?

It's a minefield but it's well worth thinking about what you need before you advertise because it would be worse to end up with the wrong thing and supporting a homesick teen when you need someone to support you

Don't get too hung up on names and titles. Focus on what you need them to do, then where to find them and when you've written the ad it will be clearer what label you put on it.

Btw I think you're being enormously sensible and brave. I would have gone to bits, not thought about postnatal support!

I don't think it is out of the question that an au pair could work for you. Certainly many would be completely out of their depth but if you make your requirements very clear and recruit carefully you might be lucky and find someone.
My last au pair for example was a gap year student who was exceptionally mature beyond her years and would have been marvellous as an au pair to a newborn and gladly given extra help with light housework.
As long as you offer sensible pocket money with perhaps a gym membership or other extra perk, and be very clear on the hours you would like them to work, don't discount an au pair completely.

Dear Biyboo,
You can do this! Be strong. I couldn't manage without an aupair. I use an excellent agency called Childcare international. PM me if you would like to know what to look out for in a good aupair and how to sift through the CVs.

Dear hoofhearted,
Thanks for that. I did fall apart yesterday eve and woke up 3am today and not rested yet. Hopefully will crash out early eve. I really do want an au pair now and it would be fab if you could help in what I need to look for etc.
Trying to put my future in order before baby arrives end of March as probably will be exhausted by Feb.

Start looking now and book one up soon - you don't have to get her over until Feb, but why not get someone to start early in the new year - than she can help you with the cleaning/washing/ironing etc so you will be all ready come march. Having an aupair has been a great experience for us. We have always had German girls and they have all been so lovely, mature and sensible. Don't let it stress you - try it, if it doesn't work out and you really don't want someone living in then you can re-assess, but I would urge you to get one booked in place soon.

I look for experience living away from home, having had a job of some kind or extra curricular activity requiring commitment, plans for the future (university mostly), parents who work so pointing to some kind of independence and ideally having been around children either as large family/extended family or through babysitting. Age relevant is a bonus. I move to phone interviews very quickly and am pretty ruthless at weeding them out if they're under confident or annoy me.

There are a few who would probably be capable on great au pair but you need to be very careful to check them out and don't rule out homegrown candidates looking for experience.

Also make sure you're up on all the relevant aspects of employing someone and have a solid contract. Set your pay level to below the lower earnings limit to avoid getting into tax/NI.

I'd still avoid advertising it as an au pair job though- they tend to expect a few hours supervising school aged kids and a bit of cleaning. I learnt that the hard way

I had a look at the Childcare international website, very useful and surprisingly lot cheaper rates than I expected for home/live in help. I think in my case mother's help would be perfect. I had a chat with lady who runs Childcare international and explained my situation. She was great and has sent me some suitable applicants. I wanted to sort this out earlier and before I become more heavily pregnant by Jan/Feb 2012. I think I will start mother's help 1 or 2 weeks before babies arrival so my helper knows home routine and I am also comfortable with her.
Thank you everybody for your support and good advice. It's people's understanding and kindness that is helping me get through the this the darkest time of my life.