What is a good age gap between babies

[emmyloo2]

Howdy,

I have a 12 month DS. I honestly didn't think I would ever be ready for another baby given I found the first 12 months so hard but lately have been wondering when we should have another baby. My DH would love one now but I work full-time and only started a new job in March so I want to be here 2 years minimum before I go on maternity leave. I am also very aware of having a new baby and a toddler as I find one baby hard enough.

So what is a good age gap for kids? 2 years? or something more like 3-4 years?

Thanks!

I had two years and wish I had waited longer. If you can (your age etc) I would wait until dc is 4 then they will be in school or thereabouts when baby comes. Two small ones and a job is hard work especially if you don't have support

There are 3 years between my 2 and it was a good gap. DD was out of nappies by then so only had one set to change. DD also started her free hours at nursery so I had some one to one time with ds. She was old enough to help out too e.g. get nappies, cream, wipes, etc

I think three years is an ideal gap. I have 2 years 9 months between mine (once we started ttc it happened immediately) and it's fine. DD1 can be reasoned with much better than if there were only 2 years between them, she's also out of nappies and her three sessions at pre-school are a great help. Any more than three years though, I would worry they'll always be at such different stages in their development that they'll hardly ever play together, be interested in the same kind of stories etc.
I'm sure most age gaps have their pros and cons, but as a rule of thumb I think, the closer together they are, the harder it is, and the bigger the gap the less interests they'll have in common and the less they will be playmates to each other.
With DD1 (she was very premature) I had a very strong feeling that she was still my baby and I couldn't possibly have another baby yet until she was ca. 1.5 years and then something started to change and every now and again I felt a bit broody and could imagine having another one at some point, and around her 2nd birthday I was ready to try. I think at somepoint you'll just feel the time is right.

Thanks, that is very helpful. I have told my husband I would be prepared to start trying for another end of next year when DS is 2. That way we are looking at probably around a 3 year age gap. I am only 34 so while I don't have heaps of time I will be just over 35 by then and so should be ok. I guess you never know but I didn't have trouble with number 1.

It will also mean around 2.5+ years in my current job which is a good amount of time. I like the idea of the first being out of nappies and being a little older and being able to help.

Very useful thread, OP. Am same age as you with 10mo dd. Planning on ttc when she's one, but I think another year world be better, especially as I seem to struggle w the baby phase! No problems conceiving dd1 - happened immediately - but keep reading about secondary infertility and worrying. Don't want her to be an only child or much older sibling. Think will go for it and hope it takes a few months

I did 20 months - harder at the beginning but you get it out of the way earlier on and get to feel smug when your mates have babies and you're getting lie ins

cookingfat I felt like you do, worried it might take a while and I end up with a big gap. It took just over six months with DD1 but happened immediately with DD2. Of course I was aware I could get pregnant immediately even though I thought it was unlikely. So we made sure an instant pregnancy would mean the bottom limit of our ideal age gap range is met but not undercut, and I'm so glad we didn't bank on it not happening straight away! So I'd always recommend people don't start trying sooner than they'd be absolutely happy to conceive, because there's no guarantee it doesn't happen straight away!

I have 18 months between mine. Dd2 was a surprise. I have found it hard but wonder if I would have wanted another once the baby stage was over. Not sure I would have had the inclination to start again. I do feel now that I am pleased that I have had them so close together. The are both very close ( when they are not fighting).

I have a 3 year old that will be 4 years 2 months when thoe one I am pregnant with is due then we want another about 5 years from that so we will have a 9,5 and newborn by the time the last one is born if everything goes to plan.

I like it that way as loads of time with the babies, time alone with each one, less work, I can still work and pursue my own interests, having loads in quick succession seems stressful, hard and depressing from what I have read on here much rather enjoy it all

Also I am from a family where me and my brother have a gap of 4 years 5 monsth and we do practically everything together even now as adults. I think bigger gaps make you much better friends as there is no jealousy

I did 20 months too. It didn't seem too bad. Having two that were near in age meant that we could do things that both would find interesting. And all the nappies were out of the way quickly.

I felt I was back in the saddle much more quickly and able to do more interesting work again getting the harder work done in an intense phase. Mine are close when they don't fight.

I had 20 months. you cope with whatever gap you have. All have pros and cons!

I have 5 years between mine, out of financial necessity as we could only afford one at nursery at a time and SAHPdom was not an option for either of us.

Good points: dc1 old enough to understand that babies are high need and not get jealous, they are fabulous helpers, plenty of time for physical/mental/financial recovery

Bad points: you are dealing with babies and small children for longer in the long run, harder to find things that both of them enjoy doing

I am happy with my 5 year gap, my two are great friends and it was definitely the right thing for me and for us as a family. I know a few families with similar gaps and it works well for them too.

Doesn't mean to say it would be right for everyone, you might prefer to have your children closer together for all kind of reasons

It's one of those personal choice things really

Just FYI for people considering longer gaps, there are 8.6 years between my brother and I, and we are very close, so don't think that to be friends they have to be close in age, it's not true. 2 years between dh and bio, and they rarely even see each other.

Bil not bio.

I agree with everyone who said 3+ years - it seems like a great gap! I have a 19mo gap and I'm still failing to see the benefits, it's nearly killed me plus the cost of childcare for 2 under 3 is ridiculous! There is almost 7 years between me and my sister and we are super close so I always imagined I'd have a big gap with my own children

I prefer a smaller gap (2 years max) because you can do age appropriate things with both kids without one being frustrated and one being bored. They play better together too.

18 months here - and there are pros and cons -

first 3 years (until DD2 was 3 I mean) was sheer damned hard work. Exhausting, lonely, frustrating, endless nappies and toilet training (not to mention the tantrums) and hardly any real memories of DD2 as a teeny baby.

BUT they are 6 and 7 now, love each other dearly, get on really well (most of the time) and play together 85% of the time.

So while I'm not sure if I would do it again, thinking of me alone, now I am so glad I did - they are a joy to see (currently on their ds's (nintendo) lying on the rug next to each other, chatting happily).

Not sure if it would be so good, even now, if I'd had one of each gender though

I've 19 months and the pros and cons are as above really.

DD is 3 now and DS nearly 18 months. They are starting to play together occasionally - running up and down the hall together and sitting on the stair together. It's a glimpse of what I hope will be a lot of entertaining each other while I mumsnet do useful things.

DD is frustrated at having to share and DS's grabbing, DS is frustrated by DD's hysterical ownership issues and not being allowed to play with the toilet yet - but they laugh at each other too and share a room, so I think it's just sibling behaviour.

I hope the fact I have 2 close together means less work for me in the long run as even now they both suit playgroups, cbeebies, random walks and both still fit in the double pram if they are driving me mad.

We decided anything from 18 months up would be great so started trying and were lucky straightaway.

I have green babies under four and its brilliant. Hard work, but they're the best of friends. Wouldnt have had it any other way!

Green!? That was my iPad talking - I meant I have three babies under four!