DS (3) doesn't want to see his friend anymore - ignore or comply?

[Alibabaandthe80nappies]

I am really friendly with a Mum who I met at a postnatal group after I had DS1. We have been to loads of baby groups together, go out for lunch and coffee etc, and I would count her as one of my best friends.

When DS1 and her DD were about 18 months - 2 years they started not getting on so well. Her DD is a drama queen and has to have everything her own way, v.stroppy etc and unfortunately my friend always gave in for the easy life. The result is that the DD is very spoilt and completely rules the roost at home, which my friend moans about to me because her youngest barely gets a look in. I bite my tongue, and nod sympathetically.
Her DD went through a phase of biting my DS (and any other random children when out), which he found really upsetting and for a while we couldn't leave them for more than a minute because she would bite. He would flinch away from her if she came within 2 feet of him. It all calmed down though and everything was fine for a while.

We haven't seen them that much recently because of DS1 and her DD starting preschool, we both have younger children and life has been hectic. We saw them about 3 weeks ago at their house, and her DD was a nightmare as usual. Wouldn't share any of her toys with DS1, and kept shoving him. So he roared in her face, which made her burst into tears.

They are due to come here tomorrow afternoon, and DS1 doesn't want his friend to come. He loves my friend, and her youngest, but doesn't want to see the DD because 'she always bites me, and pushes me and won't let me play'.

So what do I do? Tbh I could cheerfully not see this child, she is a brat and I don't like her, but I do like my friend and I would be sorry to see less of her.
I have sat DS1 down this morning and explained that he should just walk away, that it is his house and I won't let her take all the toys. He still doesn't want her to come.
The problem is that my friend, although lovely, doesn't discipline her DD at all and as soon as the DD whines she gives in. Now that they are getting older I can see DS1 watching me as they go through this performance and wondering why such different rules apply to him when he misbehaves.

Advice much appreciated.

I've always said that if my DCs don't want to be friends with anyone then they dint have to. Pop yourself in his shoes, how would he feel about you if his friend did come and it ended in tears when you told him it would be fine?

Can't you meet the mum for coffee when he's in school?

Really tricky one. Could you phrase it to your friend that the older DCs don't aren't getting on, it would be les stressful for both of us to meet without them rather than your child is a brat and my DS1 doesn't want to see her? And then try to suggest meetups (coffee in am with little ones while older DC at preschool or child free drinks in evening when dads are around to take care) that don't involve the older DC meeting?

Do what Kamer said- I am mindful of fact that dd won't necessarily get on with kids p my friends and it's a Bonus if she does . That means alternative arrangement necessary . Also this does sound as if ds justified in not wanting her round if she is uncontrolled- it's not a question of a short lived fad where off this child.

As children get older they tend to want to play with children of their own sex anyway. I think its reasonable to say that your children's interests have diversified, ie. your friend's dd might be into pink fluffy barbie, but your ds wants dinosaurs. Clearly this little girl doesn't want to play with your ds, prehaps because he is a boy.

Children do go through difficult phases and maybe in six months time the little girl will have better social skills.

I suggest you meet up for coffee without the kids.