Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

8 y.o DD anxious & weepy with no confidence

9 replies

ExpectoPatronum · 23/11/2011 22:08

My beautiful 8 y.o DD has always been a fairly calm, sensible sort of child, with loads of enthusiasm for new things, and plenty of confidence about doing them. She's a really good dancer, having danced for 5 years now, and has done exams, shows and so on, without any nerves. Starting school was a breeze for her, and she's always done well academically. Socially, she has always been invited to plenty of other girls' parties, and her school reports have always said she's popular and well-liked.

Recently, but especially since she's gone back to school in Yr3, her confidence seems to have taken a real nose dive. She's often weepy and a lot more clingy to me, needing cuddles much more often. They've been offered a few new extra curricular things now they're in the juniors and she's flatly refused to join any of them (which is not a problem in itself, it's just so unlike her because she's normally so keen to try everything). I've had quite a few incidents where she's been crying and saying that she wishes there were more girls like her at school, that she wishes she had someone to play with at home (she has two younger brothers). This evening she came home from school and cried and said she didn't want to go to dancing (this is unheard of, this is the child who wanted to go when she had swine flu!)... when I dug a bit deeper it turned out she's feeling a bit intimidated by some of the older / pushier girls in her dance class. She was also crying and saying she never gets picked for anything in school and she feels as though she's boring and 'not funny'.

It's so sad to see her confidence crumbling and I really don't know how to help her. Obviously I try to tell her all her very good points, and remind her of her achievements, and where I can, I try to do nice things just she & I. But I'm so worried, especially seeing as she isn't sleeping well (just been up to her now, with her in tears about everything).

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 23/11/2011 23:31

I would make an appointment with her teacher as she's displaying signs of being bullied I think. IS there anyone from her class at school who is also in dancing?

This is a funny age as they often change friendship groups and some girls seem more mature...to me it does sound as though someone has beenhaving a go at her...pulling her confidence down....have you noticed any changes in frineds?

ExpectoPatronum · 23/11/2011 23:36

In reception and Y1 she had a 'best friend', and my DD was always the slightly stronger one of the two, e.g. her best friend often wouldn't go to things unless my DD was going to, that sort of thing. Then from the start of Y2 onwards, a third child joined them and it's been classic 'two's company, three's a crowd' ever since then. I've tried to steer her towards other girls in the class but she says that everyone already has their own friends and 'there's no one like me'.

It's a different group of girls at dancing so I don't think there's any overlap, I think that being at a low ebb is affecting her enjoyment of lots of other things.

OP posts:
GettinTrimmer · 23/11/2011 23:45

She seems to be around some situations that are making her feel inadequate. It's so upsetting when they're not happy, my ds is having friendship issues Sad

Why does she feel as if the girls at school are not like her?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

ExpectoPatronum · 24/11/2011 00:06

There's a bit of a mixture with the girls in her class:

  • the 'cool' gang (Twilight messenger bags, endless sleepovers, lots of fallings-out)
  • another nice group of little girls but all very young (e.g. June / July birthdays, so not yet 7.6), who seem to spend all their playtimes on the monkey bars (not saying there's anything wrong with this, just not DD's scene)
  • her own little threesome, but the other two, while completely fine individually, tend to get very hyper when together, very loud and lots of messing about, which has landed the two of them in minor trouble a couple of times in school. DD isn't the loud, hyper type, and she has a pathological horror of getting in trouble, so it makes her uncomfortable. She says that when she tries to join in with them, they don't think she's funny and they don't listen to her Hmm.

I don't want to rush to the teacher if it's just typical 8 y.o stuff, (and I'm not even saying this is the root cause of it) but I hate seeing my confident chilled out little girl anxious and upset.

Hope you can help your DS to sort out his issues, Gettin

OP posts:
GettinTrimmer · 24/11/2011 08:39

It's difficult when it's like this as like my ds she can't find any other children she can hook up with.

Does your dd's school have an Emotional Support Literacy Assistant?

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 24/11/2011 15:42

Could you get her to try the younger girls? It might just help her to feel a bit more important iyswim....my DD is one of the July birthdays and she's joined a new school (year 3) and has luckily palled up with similar younger girls...I know that these younger types are usually amenable to a newcomer....her own threesome is sounding like she's outgrown them....is she quite mature for her years?

This talk of them "not finding her funny" sounds like they simply don't mesh any more....like she's a bit too mature for them? I know that makes my advice of pushing her towards the younger ones seem a bit Hmm but it could be good for her confidence?

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 24/11/2011 15:47

Gosh I can't believe that 8 year old's really like Twilight!! I bet those are the ones with big sisters and that really they haven't a clue who any of the character are! They won't have actually read the blinking things anyway...I hope!

ExpectoPatronum · 24/11/2011 21:20

Thanks, Mumbling. Yes, I was a bit Hmm about the Twilight stuff too, although sometimes I think I'm just very old-fashioned.

DD really likes the younger set of girls in her class, and I have encouraged her to go and play with them, but it doesn't seem to be happening. Today has been better, she's seemed a lot happier (even though I was waiting for a truly disastrous day after she was awake so late last night).

OP posts:
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 25/11/2011 00:55

Ask one round to play maybe? And then another! She sounds like she's a bit more mature in that she's noticed she's a bit different...could she begin a new hobby? Something like drama or horseriding?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page