Ds age 9 friendship problems

[GettinTrimmer]

My ds got deeply upset last week - he was ordered to swap back a pokemon card by the children he was playing with, they threatened to tell the teacher if he didn't (it got heated) and his special friend said behind his back to another child (the other child told him what was said) that he is a 'show-off.' Not much to get upset about to us, but he is very sensitive He sobbed at bedtimes and felt angry.

Unfortunately his friend who called him a 'show-off' got very upset too because my ds according to his mum knocked into him and 'froze him out' apparently stopping another couple of children from playing with him.

I keep out of it as school, but I work there as a Lunchtime Supervisory Assistant and his friend told me ds is still being hostile - I told him to let the ELSA know.

My ds feel inadequate and jealous for a few reasons, he thinks the others ignore his suggestions (they are all jostling for 'top dog' position!) and the other 4 boys he plays with are in the top maths group whereas he struggles. His friend is highly intelligent and writes stories his parents are trying to get published, ds compares himself with him and says his work is never put up on the wall (he finds handwriting difficult, is left handed).

I don't really know what to do with him, he says he 'hates' two of the boys and is on the offensive by the sound of it. We try and raise his self-esteem by praising him and focusing on the things he is good at.

Thanks for reading, if you've got this far! Any suggestions are welcome. I don't like ds being unkind to others

It sound as though he is reacting to feeling left out, maybe a break from this group would help. Does he have other friends?

Thanks for the reply takeonboard

One other friend plays with the girls all the time, and ds keeps away from girls!

One friend he hasn't fallen out with - he played with all the time in year 3, this boy is very individual and is on the periphery of the group. Ds also played with him after school.

The group 'leader' is very gifted and talented, the other aspire to be like him, one mum told me her ds 'idolises' him. Ds has noticed all this and he can't possibly compete, noticing they like his friend much more than him and children are like bees around a honey pot when he's around!

It isn't healthy to hang out with people who make you feel inadequate, even if they don't mean to. It isn't good for his self esteem and if he behaves badly because he feels bad then he will get introuble and feel more bad...you get the picture!
can you encourage his friendships outside this group, by inviting other children in his class home for tea etc? the old friend, the individual sounds ideal.
Good luck, its so tough to see them struggle with friendships.

Thanks takeonboard