Control Freak Warning - reluctant to have DS babysat

[AussieSim]

DS is nearly 9.5mths and so far I haven't been apart from him for more than a few hours. I don't mind leaving him with my PIL for a couple of hours in the afternoon to go to my language lesson or with my DH while I get some shopping done, but I now have offers from the PIL and the SIL to sit with him at night to let me and DH go to the pictures or whatever but I still don't feel that great about taking them up on it. (As some of you know my DH is only home weekends, so I am usually on my own with DS 5/7 days a week)

My SIL has no baby experience (although she is now in early stages of pregnancy) and I consider my PIL to be a bit rusty and not all that confident or respectful of my parenting preferences.

My FIL won tickets to a UEFA Soccer game and I've never been to a European soccer game and I knocked them back even though a voice in my head was telling me I should just bite it and go and let MIL mind him. In the last 12mths I have been to the pictures once, when I used to go once a week when I lived Downunder.

DS usually sleeps through from 7pm to 7am, but will occasionally have a little cry but settle back himself or very occasionally may need to be resettled with the very discreet introduction of those little homeopathic camomile balls that just remind him to suck his thumb. I worry that at the first peep they will pick him up and I'll come home and he will have been up for hours and then I'd have to bfeed him back to sleep and then it would take a couple of days to get him back in his lovely GF routine.

I guess I also worry about the stress on the sitters if this happens and that they will think I lie about my lovely boy.

I guess I'm just a control freak who thinks she is irreplaceable. How did you guys get over reluctance to leave baby?

codswallop.......have you been conspiring with my mum?

Ow go on - you know you want to

lol....i do! jsut can't take that jump, keep finding excuses......my mum keeps saying"oh it would be lovely to have a new baby again".(even though she has 3 grandkids under 3 years old)Maybe after Christmas.............

No w now now

Have lots of nearly new boys clothes for you - immaculate

ha ha.if i fall pregnant tonight i'll blame you!

oooh better not tonight really as dp is away!

PPH I think I also agreed with you. Besides if DS goes to the grandparents overnight then they've had their dose of him and I've got to do something I want to do rather than sitting in their lounge making smalltalk - ie kill two birds with one stone.

Both DH and I remember how excited we used to be to go stay with our grandparents and that is something I want for DS. I remember being "spoilt" and given strawberries for breakfast. Not a major crime on my grandmother's part but lovely at the time. I wasn't so confident when DS was a baby and he didn't stay away until aged 15 months although I left him with DH at 6 months. Now its about one night a month because I have nothing like Thomcat's social life - unfortunately

agre that PILs should be able to make up their own rules too

I'd love it if I had someone I could send dd to for the weekend / overnight! FIL is quite sane and MIL loves dd to bits so would be happy for them to look after her, but they live in a different country. And my parents don't even pick dd up for a cuddle when we go to visit .

I have people who babysit from 7:30 (when dd is in bed) until 11:00ish at the latest so we get evenings out a lot (although not the cinema, can't get there in time ).

Anyone else feeling bad about using teenage babysitters now? I use two. They're over 16, they're both very responsible and they both know that they phone me if dd cries and isn't consoled by a cup of milk. And they both have their own mums on call (one 3 doors away and one 5 minutes away). What else do you do if you can't afford qualified childminders / sitters.co.uk and your family aren't nearby?

I ues a teenager. All her job entails is ringing me - and I am never more than 3 /4 miles away.

wouldnt use her overnight, boys love her and she puts my mUm to shame wiht her expertise!

I am inspired and have just emailed a bunch of highly responsible mates to ask them to babysit soon and been given a date. So thank you.

Oh beety - we are so wise ...

I shall hold you two responsible if the evening out runs amok and I end up with another baby

"good our work is done"

Zerub - only thing I have done is a swap with a friend/neighbour who's DS is same age as mine. I babysat for her and she babysat for me.

I'm so impressed with you all. Are all your children good then? I really feel that whoever I "lump" DD with would have the nightmare from hell. Wouldn't do it to a friend as I doubt they'd be friends much longer, don't have family to inflict her on, and can't imagine myself trusting a paid sitter unless I knew them!

Hmmm...I don't really see why not leaving your children in the evenings /overnight necessarily means you are joined at the hips. I work fulltime and have lots of friends and a good social life, but it is just different from before I had the kids. My kids are with other people (school and nursery) until 4 each day, so I don't think they become too mummy-dependant even if I don't go out that much Bedtime and being close to my children at night is very important to me and we often sleep with them in our beds.

Hmm - sorry - having them sleep in your bed is another thing I feel strongly about. No offence Fairymum - just different opinions.

OH always put them to bed first - thats why they are all asleep by 7pm!

I would have gone mad if I never went out in the evening without the dds. And I doubt dp would ever have proposed. And I would have felt frumpy and horrible and as though I had no life. We don't go out that much (not much to do in Dorset!) but I insist its at least once a month. Don't you have friends that invite you round for dinner??

Sometimes the dds sleep through, sometimes they wake up, if that happens I just tell whoevers babysitting that the older one can come down for a bit if she wants to. After all, its them thats got to deal with it, not me

I guess, in the end, the only thing that really matters is that the kids will be well looked after while we are not with them. It doesn't have to be anyone particular who looks after them, as long as it is someone you know and trust who is capable, caring and responsible.