lost it at dinner time with my 15 month ds. sick with guilt

[mfea]

DS. being extremely picky with food atm. I served up up lasagna, mash, sausages with skin off, and finally toast. All rejected. He wanted nothing. I threw the plate on the floor and shouted at him. He looked scared and upset.

Later on in the bath he had yogurt and cheerios.

I feel sick to my stomach. I really shouted, albeit briefly. And then I quite roughly copper him out of highchair and put him on the floor.

I do not deserve my precious boy.

Any advise or shared experiences would be hugely gratefully received

aww don't feel too bad. i think most of us have been there, and while shouting isn't great it certainly isn't the end of the world.
I am guessing he's had lots of love and cuddles and much calmer mummy afterwards? he'll be fine.

has he always been picky or is it a recent thing?

I can relate totally. But I suspect all Mums lose it occasionally.

I'm sure you can remember your Mum losing it with you when you were little?

You do deserve your precious boy. You are his Mummy and he needs to know that you are human. As long as losing it is an occasional occurrence and love and cuddles are a regular thing, then you have the balance just right.

Cheerios and yoghurt in the bath made me smile ;)

much love xxx

Dont offer 100's of choices. One meal, and a small amount. You can always serve more if required. I personally wouldnt let my child eat in the bath but hey ho. He is still a a baby

Children will never starve themselves. You were angry, but more about the effort you had gone to, wasted, yes?

Mfea, I dont usually post but I wanted to say I have been in that exact position. Horrid isn't it? Just remember you're only human and the fact you feel rubbish now will stop it happening again.

mfea I did the same thing today and have felt guilty ever since. It does help to know that I'm not the only one to lose it now and then.

And as thisisyesterday mentioned, lots of love and cuddles afterwards helps.

It doesn't make you a bad mum, it makes you human. He will have forgotten all about it.

i think there will be a lot of posters joining me in a minute telling you while it's not great to shout at DCs, we've all done it.

telling my 18mth old DD to fuck off was not my finest parenting hour, but i did it.

my favourite parenting moment though was looking up from my kitchen window and witnessing my neighbour walk past her own (screeching) baby who was in his pram, and she flicked him the 2 fingers. she still doesn't know i saw her

the important thing is, this one incident does NOT make you a bad parent

{{{hugs}}}

It IS frustrating when they reject the food you've prepared for them - DD was a terrible eater at that age and it's only very slowly improving now (at 20 months) - she still eats like a bird! I just tried really hard not to make a big deal of it and to be honest I often served up something like beans on toast so that I could chuck it in the bin uneaten without too much angst!

You do sound very upset about it - is his weight and general health ok? If so, just don't stress about it.

The OP needs to make sure that situation doesn't happen again though by decided what her rules/beliefs about mealtimes and feeding kids are

He didnt ask you to cook all those extra things did he? You did it because you hoped he woudl eat them as he hadn't touched the first offering

You need to decide what you will do if he doesnt touch your first offering again

Some light hearted advice I read on here this week that tooearly has just reminded me of: enthusiastically giving your DC the V's from another room helps. (I may have done this today )

oh yes, been there and done that. Wracked with guilt. She's now 11 and not fazed by me one little bit.

Not to be recommended obviously but these occasional momentary lapses that the vast majority of us have don't do any lasting damage, honest.

Cybbo - is that a glass house you live in?

Saw your other thread, OP, and sounds like you are under tremendous stress right now. It's not surprising you lost your temper, and it's not surprising you feel worried about it.

It's one time, and it won't affect your son at all. What's more important for him is that you look after yourself and get some rest and support. He needs you to do that, as much as you need it for yourself.

You are stressing yourself out at mealtmes. Can you batch cook stuff? Then serve up small amount of the defrosted food. If herejects you wont feel so frustrated asyou havent JUST spent ages slaving away. One option.

Repeat this - itsyour job to provide nutricious food, its their job to eat it.

totally sympathise with the frustration when they don;t eat a lovely dinner you have prepared BUT you do deserve your ds. He'll have forgotten this by morning so don;t beat yourself up about it.
I don't think that are ANY mothers that haven't got very very cross at least once with their dc's. I know I have on a handful of occasions.
Whats done is done and tomorrows a new day.
next time if he refuses food, put it calmly to one side, take him out of highchair and wait half an hour to see if he'll eat it then.
If not, offer him a banana or a piece of toast and that's it till breakfast tomorrow.

Huw, dont understand your comment

Not saying I'm perfect

Just hoping OP doesnt create stress where it doesnt need to be

I was so nervous when I saw I had responses, but you have all been so kind. Thank you thank you thank you.

Yes, I partly felt concerned that he wasn't eating and that it would not do him any good health-wise, and partly I was pissed off because I had put effort into his dinner and it was totally and utterly unrewarded. My happiness is very much wrapped up with how he eats i.e. when he eats well and I see him scoffing veg, I am on cloud nine. When he have a night like tonight I feel horrendous. I need to chill. Reading this post makes me realise I need to chill.

I also need to control myself. I laughed at some of your stories. But no one mentions being rough. That is unforgiveable. And that is what I did tonight. I roughly pulled him from his chair and dumped him on the floor. For goodness sakes, I hate myself. The shocked look on his face will haunt me.

Lots of kisses and cuddles afterwards, and whereas usually I tidy up the kitcehn after dinner, I just left it and played with him. He seemed oblivious to it, but I have been impatient with him at dinnertime before and I worry he will associate dinner time with mama going crazy as in every other warp of life with him I am extremely chilled.

Thank you again

Cybbo's advice is good. We've all had the rage, but you can decide that that is one battle you wont have again. Don't beat yourself up - he knows you love him.

Oh I've been rough with my D before when she REFUSED to stay in her bed as a toddler. I flipped and literally threw her back on her duvet. I hated myself afterwards but was at breaking point

I didnt do it again, as I had scared myself, and her

I have been rough with my DS too mfea, out of utter frustration and annoyance. I'm not proud of it by any means but I recognise why I was so annoyed and try not to get to that point again.

mfea everyone loses it from time to time - really, you need to stop stressing about it. He's fine. Have a or a and try to relax a bit.

It is really, really frustrating when you lovingly prepare a meal they don't eat - let alone preparing 3 options!!

Prepare one meal - make at least 3/4 of it stuff he's eaten before so that you know it's not something he really can't stomach. Then do not make a fuss - whether he eats it or not. When he starts messing about, just get him down. He will not starve himself.

Children are very good at eating when they are hungry and leaving it when they're not - sadly, we drum that out of them and insist on them eating at meal times and over riding their bodies signals.

If he's routinely not eating dinner, try giving him it earlier (if you can) then a bit of toast later on, or a wee bit later if you can.

Don't make things that (unless you are also having it yourself) take ages to prepare. Invest less of yourself in the food and it will be less frustrating. We had a session of children's ready meals when it got really bad, because otherwise battery would have been involved!!

Also, healthy snacks are just as good as 'dinner'. It doesn't need to be all or nothing
x

I have been rough and I have shouted - and I have learnt to walk away, to take deep breaths and to step back. It's horrible - but toddlers can drive you to the brink. Luckily they are resiliant or the human race would have died out!You are not alone.

Cybbo's advice is spot on. Feeding (or trying to) young DC can be totally infuriating (been there done that). Experience has told me that the level of my stress/concern/worry about food intake has zero effect on amount/quality of food eaten so there is absolutely no point stressing.

Don't spend a long time cooking. Dish up one easy meal which you think there is a reasonable chance he'll eat. Potter around in the kitchen if need be - I found I was much less stressed when not actively watching the food being toyed with! If he's not interested then take the meal away and get him down from the table. Fruit/toast before bedtime if he hasn't eaten much during the day.

Cinquefoil... I thought about name changing and then thought but then thought better of it.

Yes, tremendous stress is about right, but I swore to myself that my darling boy would not get a whiff of it. We have had a lovely day depsite the circumstances, but then all went to pot at dinner time and I feel so angry with myself.

He is extremely affectionate, I get covered in kisses and hugs and usually after bath he delights in sticking his bare bottom in my face and I pretend to faint. He finds it hysterical, but tonight, as happy as he seemed to me, when I think back he definitely was a little reserved with me.

I have to get every fibre of strength in me and not let that happen again.

yes i've been rough with mine too.
a bad parent wouldn't think twice about it would they? you are, in your own words, "sick with guilt"
you know it wasn't the right thing to do, you know it hasn't helped at all and you've worried yourself silly over it.. that isn't the reaction of a bad parent, that's the reaction of a good and loving parent- one who doesn't want it to happen again.

I think there are a couple of things you could try.
we always eat together, all of us. so I cook one lot of food. when my first was small I would cook enough for me and dp and we'd just give a little bit to ds1. if he didn't eat it we had it back lol. so no wastage.

or if that's not possible you could keep a small portion back each evening to give to him at lunch time the next day... some kids prefer their main meal in the middl eof the day, so that's something else you could have a go at.

But I do think there is a lot to be gained by trying to stay calm, reminding yourself he won't be like this forever and just letting him get on with it. so give him food he can easily handle himself. sit up with him and eat too, if you can (my smallest eats a LOT better if I eat at the same time as him) and let him do it himself

if he doesn't eat much for dinner then he'll probably just make up for it with a nice big breakfast :)

You might find he pukes his guts up tonight and was reserved because he is coming done with something, hence no appetite

Lets hope not!!!