How to survive a mums and babies group

[shygirlinthecorner]

I want to enjoy the mums and babies group I go to, I really do, but I find it really hard to make small talk. i'd really love to make some friends with babies, but just not sure how. I find my eyes glazing over talking the same things with everyone, i.e does my baby sleep, how old is she etc. etc. The conversations are so mundane, and I'm not sure how to turn small talk into something more interesting. Other mums seem to turn up and immediatly get chatting to everyone in the room, but I've been going a few weeks and there are still some people Ive not said more than a hello to. How do you survive these things? I really want to keep going in the hope that if I go long enough I'll start making friends, but i'm a bit worried I'm going to end up as being the freaky shy girl in the corner who never talks to anyone! Help!

Oops, wasn't wanting to piss anyone off! Was only responding to the posts saying how stressful / miserable / cliquey baby groups are and wanted to say that surely you shouldn't have to do something you dread. Just came out a bit wrong! I'm sure things will change for me too once my DD gets bigger. Though I do agree with most posters here that I'd probably prefer an activity group such as swimming, walking etc. My original point was really that while a lot of mothers benefit enormously from baby groups, if you don't like them then really there are always other options. No point suffering.

Hi Janoschi, no worries ! Just a difference of opinion that is all, I totally get your point, as I will try the mums and babies group, but if it ends up making me miserable I will stop going and visit a museum instead!

Something that helped me move friendships on although I know it's not to everyone's taste, was to start adding people as friends on Facebook (I asked them first ofc). You get to know more about people and gives you an 'in' for a conversation as you can ask them about their child's chickenpox, their cousin's wedding etc. Also, you can see what people have similar interests to you which is good to know.

irstly, I think you are approching the issue in a negative way. Rather than how do I survive, what about how do I enjoy.

I am someone who loves mothers and babies groups. I just love asking questions, both about babies and work, life, holidays, something big in the news. I really enjoy them. I take them with a pinch of sale, rock up, get the babe out, he toodles off, I then mix playing with him and chatting with others. Sometimes a friend (yes, definitely friends now rather than just thrown together because of situation) from my NCT group, will join me, but sometimes I am alone - and I spark up a conversation or if someone does with me, I respond enthusiastically.

Just be friendly and relaxed. Worst case scenario and you don't manage to talk to anyone, focus on your babe, have a coffee, collect your bits and leave. Try again the next day / next week though.

Honestly, one of my closest friend I met at a mother and baby group. She was there alone. I asked if she wanted to join a friend and I for a coffee. She agreed. We walked home together afterwards and had the most open conversation and the rest is history. That was 15 months ago and I now count her as one of my very closest friends.

I want my son to grow up seeing relaxed, sociable and confident parents. That is how I viewed my parents as, and it makes life so much easier.

It is worth taking the risk

Take a good book.

well my mums and babies group was this week, and it went much better! I really focussed on asking questions, thanks everyone who contributed to the suggestions on this thread! I can definitly see how going regulalary will help me bond with the mums. It seems like the women with babies of similiar ages tend to congregate together, so I stuck with a few who had babies a couple months old. I think I've always been embarrassed to talk about boring stuff, but I found that people didn't really mind asking questions as a starting point, and I found when I asked questions, they were more likely to ask questions back and engage with me, I couldn't of done it without you Mumsnetters though thanks!

Glad it went well for you shygirl.

"you may not need friends with children now, because your baby is six months and you can go to museums. But wait 12 months and you won't be able to take your toddler to museums."

What rubbish! Of course you can take a toddler to a museum!

We have a really small group, so you kind of have to get involved, but we seem to spend a lot of time talking about jobs people have or want to do, retraining, or stuff happening in the community, or where people grew up, etc. People talk about babies as it's the one thing they know everyone in the group has in common, so it's a good icebreaker, but it need not be more than that.

A quick swig of gin before you go in will take the edge off.

Surely sharing the gin would be more of an icebreaker, tethers?

True, but IME you'll probably need the whole bottle.

God, I love my mother-and-baby group! Been going since DS was born (he's now, um, almost five... but I go with my one-and-a-half year old).

Slightly different situation in that the group is run by my birthing teacher (who is now one of my best friends) and we talk about everything under the sun, including: Religion (I'm an atheist, she's jewish married to a Christian, another friend there is a Christian pastor), sex, books we've read and, most recently, wearing nipple pads under a white unitard while performing in an aerial show two months postpartum.... Seriously. Love it. Love the people. And they saved my life in the colicky months.....

wow chocolate your group sounds fabulous! Mums who read, and talk about sex rather than babies!! I must try and steer the conversation onto more entertaining subjects next time

not that babies aren't interesting, actually I do love talking about babies too!

shygirl I would invite you, but we live in Berkeley, USA