REALLY struggling being a full time WOHM just now. Feel like I'm doing nothing very well. Please tell me it will pass!

[gaelicsheep]

Really missing my DCs badly, feel like I'm missing out on my little girl, and feel like I'm not giving enough attention to DS's schooling. Can't attend school things during the day, can't take DD to toddler group (except occasionally). Keep feeling like crying at work - think it's partly hormones as breastfeeding is winding down. Feel like a crap mum and a crap employee.

What's worse is that DH is struggling with SAHD role - both of us wish it was the other way around but there isn't a snowball's chance in hell of that happening. And we have no money - all disposable income is servicing debts. DH has depression which manifested in credit card spending - not bad stuff, just not being as careful as we needed to be and it mounted up. Only found out last year. So I'm missing my children and haven't even anything to show for it. All DS's friends do extra curricular stuff and we can't afford for him to do anything.

Just needed a moan - sorry.

Those sound like good plans gaelicsheep. Mortgage loan / extension or a loan with a better interest rate than the credit cards is definitely the way forward. Pay them all off & cut all of them up, apart from one, which is for emergency use only!!!!
Don't want to teach my Grandma to suck eggs, but have you checked out the MoneySavingExpert website? Shed loads of good tips on that for all sorts of money issues.

All credit cards bar one are already cancelled, cut and in the bin. That happened months ago Yes I've checked out MoneySavingExpert - frankly I feel like I could set up my own money saving site the amount of years we've spent living on a crap income. That's why it was so gutting to get a really good, and hard won, pay rise and STILL be up the creek. Hopefully this is the final hurdle to overcome before we can finally be comfortable.

Do you have PPI on credit cards etc? I was able to freeze interest for 3 months while I caught up with payments...without being blacklisted.

Hi wifey6. No we don't. We CAN meet the minimum payments though (just), it's just making sure we're actually going to pay them off in a reasonable amount of time that's more difficult. And of course we have no spare cash for anything else. We're going to have to be pretty disciplined to ensure we keep paying substantially over the combined minimum. I'm just waiting on getting an Experian credit report to check and then I'll be trying for a loan. I do see freezing the interest as a last resort really if we were to hit the wall.

oh God this could be me. Frightening. the SAHD DH, me struggling at work as I so missed my children, DH hating being at home but not earning enough to justify him going to work; trying (and failing...) to set up on this own....AND we moved house, stupidly, upgraded (which is what caused all that), so filled up our credit cards - partly on estate agent fees - in addition to a bigger mortgage!!! So life was very tough....or so I thought...and then I lost my job!!
I got a pay-out which allowed us to restructure the debt. I couldn't get a loan out or remortgage because we now had no income at all but we did pay off the most expensive credit card and then use the 0% balance transfer deals that a lot of credit cards offer. I don't know if anyone has mentioned this already, but can you try that? it could vastly cut your monthly outgoings. I appreciate you probably don't have the lump sum necessary to pay off a card, but since your credit score is good, can you get a new credit card - it is very likely to offer a great deal on a balance transfer to lure you in? then you can transfer the expensive debt on to it and it can really help.
We then ended up selling a second property we had (hard to believe we ever had the money to buy a second property!! :) :) :)) and I am, well....looking for a job. But balance transfers really are great, and you can do that in addition to getting a loan or a remortgage which I think is the way to go. Loans right now are SO much cheaper than credit cards - and it will give you the breathing space you need.
i would be very very careful of any debt management plans - I had companies desperately trying to sell me those, but they did admit to me that further credit would be more or less impossible to obtain - and god knows for how long. but your credit rating being good, I should think you would have better options to manage your debt by restructuring it.
it's so tough but it's just a really difficult phase.
i have been wondering actually, too - is there anything DH can do in the evening, or from home, to earn a bit of extra cash, strictly as a temporary measure to help you manage? it is unlikely to be glamorous but might make a difference. My DH is looking around for something that he can fit around the kids when I am back at work so any ideas would be welcome! :) best of luck xx

Hi allag. So sorry to hear you've had similar problems. It's so rubbish isn't it? Hmm, balance transfers. I understood that I wouldn't be able to take a card out in my name and transfer a balance from a card in my DH's name?

Oh, and the holy grail of working from home. DH has been wanting to set something up for ages, but the economy is totally against him and he doesn't have a set of skills waiting to be used for something he can do from home. He'd need to retrain in some way, which of course costs money. He's been trying to set up himself to be able to go out and work in the evenings and at the weekend but after an initial period with some work that has dried up as Christmas approaches. It's certainly not for want of trying on his part that we're skint!

Hi Gaelic, sorry you are having such a hard time.

I totally understand, but from a slightly different point of view. We were doing ok, DH main wage-earner, no debts, me working p/t...THEN I decided to start my own business. Now 6 months down the line, we are doing ok, but I'm still not able to take enough out of the business to put us back where we were before. I feel very focussed on the business, and worry constantly that I am letting my dc down by not being there enough. I feel guilty that Dh (and my dad, who encouraged me to do this) are having to do so much more of the childcare/ housework/ pick-ups. I want to be able to do everything myself, and it just isn't feasible Also, I am so stressed (lots of unfortunate events recently) and I really don't want the children to be affected by that.

Like you, I'm hoping that eventually these sacrifices will be for the benefit of us all. I think we need to just hang on in there and keep thinking that when the good times eventually come we will be proud of the struggles we had at this point. It sounds to me like you are doing everything very logically and sensibly, and the bad times won't last forever. Wishing you all the best.

Gaelic - have a look on moneysavingexpert again. There are some credit cards about that give you 0% on purchases.

Why not do a paper exercise of checking out how it would work for you if you got one of those, put the monthly expenses on it (shopping etc) and used the cash freed to pay off the card in your dh's name.

Then, if your credit rating is good you could transfer to another card in your name with a 0% balance transfer at the end of the first card's 0% period, or at least to a card with a better rate of interest.

oh i know it's not through DH's lack of trying - mine is the same. he has been looking at driving jobs and typing jobs...:( just to bring in a bit of cash, as a very very temporary measure...
re balance transfers - i THINK that if you make DH an additional cardholder you might be able to transfer a balance from his name to yours. But needs checking. Or perhaps you could get an overdraft facility, pay off DH's card and then transfer the overdraft on to a 0%card? Also 0% purchases are a very good idea.
Just trying to make a point that since you have an income coming in and a good credit rating there are bound to be ways that you can rejig your debts in a way that will make an enormous difference.

Thank you everyone for your advice. First phase successful. Should give us some breathing space while we work out best long term options.

Allag and Joolyjoolyjoo - I really feel for you both as well, thanks for sharing your own circumstances. I hope that things come right for all of us before too long.

Hey OP, glad things are moving forward for you. For your dh in the evenings how about selling stuff on ebay? You can often pick up stuff at carboot sales that you could make a profit on eg console games, vintage lamps etc. Okay its not going to solve all your problems but would give you a little extra money.