Feel housebound with 11wk old baby

[WillSingForCake]

I am a first-time mum, and my DD is now 11wks old. I find it very hard to get her to take daytime naps, and she'll only nap a) for very short periods in her cot b) in the sling as long as I'm moving c) in the car-seat as long as the car's moving or d) in the pushchair as long as I'm either jiggling it or going over rough-ground. She will also sleep in my arms, but puts up quite a fight, & I have to bounce & shush her constantly to keep her asleep.

As a consequence she gets very over-tired, can only manage short awake-times, and I feel housebound. All my other friends with babies meet in cafes, and their babies sleep alongside them in their pushchairs, but my DD wouldn't be able to do this, and would quickly start crying once she got tired. I also don't like going to other people's houses as she won't nap & I end up desperately jiggling a crying baby.

Any tips to save my sanity? At the moment all my excursions involve me marching around the streets with the baby in the sling, but I'd like some variety, and to at least be able to stand still for 5 minutes without her waking!

Am I expecting too much from her at such a young age?

What baby/toddler groups are near you? Maybe worth an investigate. For example our local NCT bumps and babies group (you don't have to be a member to go) is run by a saint of a woman who can tell at a glance you are having a bad day and will merrily walk babies around and jiggle them after shoving a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit in your hands. A lot of church run groups have lovely volunteers from the younger members of their congregation, local students who belong to Christian groups and so on and they are always happy to help out and give you a break if you look frazzled so they can be a great place to have a bit of time out, a cup of tea and to meet new people.

We've all been there. It might look like all other babies are perfect but believe me they all have their moments. Sure, some are harder work than others but it WILL pass, it WILL get better. You just need to make sure you keep hold of your sanity too.

I think maybe just go out and do what you want to do anyway. Make sure baby is warm, dry, fed etc and just see what happens. If she is going to cry and be restless at home or out, you might as well have company! Do you have any friends also on mat leave that you could invite round and just have a creche on the floor while you chat and eat biscuits? I spent months doing that! She will settle down at some point but it does seem like forever and can be a very lonely time but do go to groups etc - people there understand what its like. Good luck

What about going for a walk with other mums? A bit of conversation while you walk should make it seem easier. If you dont know anyone to join you have a look see is there are any groups around. I know near her there is a group that meet in the park for an exersise session with their babies in buggies.
And maby after a good sleep in the sling she might settle while you have a (quick) cup of coffe.

Oh bless you. Please don't fret, babies cry, it's what they do. Put her in the pram, do what you need to do. If she cries, then so be it. I know how stressful it can feel when they can't be soothed quickly, but really it doesn't matter and NO harm will come to her through crying. She may even learn to self settle over a period of time if left for longer periods of time. And no one will bat an eyelid over a crying baby.....I promise

I think it sounds like you need a sort of routine in place so that you have space every day to go out iyswim?!

My dd was exactly as you have described and it was around the 3 month mark that I started to feel like I was going insane!!! So I started a routine whereby dd went down for a nap at about 9am (giving me a chance to get showered and dressed) and then we would go out for a couple of hours to a baby group or meet a friend for coffee, then come back, feed baby and put down for afternoon nap.

If your dd is anything like mine she will need to go down for a nap in a quiet dark room.

How is she at night, do you have a bedtime routine?

Tip to encourage pushchair sleeping - cover it up so it is nice a dark with no distractions.

My DS is now 15 months. Recalling being snowed in around 3 months! My weekly trip was to a baby group (highly recommend baby/toddler groups as per a previous post), and I remember it being so much effort to get out (took me an hour and half to get him and myself ready, changed, fed..) and after not much sleep but definitely worth it. I remember feeling like DS was permanently attached to me in the sling and that was the only way I could get anything done! He was also super hungry (breastfeeding) so felt like he was eating all the time too!!

So our outings in the early days were mostly going for walks, baby group, church, GP... and I tried inviting people round which made it a little easier for us too.

The suggestion of a routine of some sort is definitely a good one. Approx gaps between feeding (from start of one to start of next) and nap times too certainly helped us feel a little more normal....

Hang in there, it gets much easier!!

this won't help you with getting out, but I've found that when i am trying to settle my 12 week old DD to sleep she will let me sit if I sway around while sitting and sing at the same time! It gives me a break from endlessly walking around!
i also found that my DD somnetimes acts quite differently when we are out and about than when we are at home, and sometimes parenting seems less work when we go out in terms of settling etc, so maybe try a mum and baby group,and see how she reacts even if it's just for a short while before she gets tired and fretful, or you could always just pace the room when you are there, plenty mums at my one do that!

My DD only napped in 5 or 10 min chunks until she was about 4 months - she'll now to 30-45 min naps, so it does get better.

I would say, go out to a baby-friendly place (like a baby club or baby group - I think a lot of Surestarts runs them) and see how well you can settle your DD if she gets upset there. No one else will mind a bit of crying. If you can't settle her, flee back to the car and quickly drive home/drive around to send her to sleep, then try again another day. This is pretty much what I did to get out when DD was little.

I think you are talking about my baby! She is 15 weeks and exactly the same behaviour. Every day is a fight for naps, she doesn't get enough sleep and gets cranky! I am not going out a lot, but trying to plan one social outing a week. I booked baby sensory class in january, looks fun and hopefully will keep her distracted. See if you can find one near you maybe?

My DS is 13 weeks now and until maybe 2-3 weeks ago he was just the same! He wouldn't sleep for longervthan 10 mins at a time and there was no structure to the day! However without me having to do anything at all he just suddenly started to nap at 11:30am and 3pm both for at least an hour but on occassion up to 2 hours... It's bliss! He also now goes to bed at 8pm every night without too much bother. All of this he has done on his own so what I am trying to say really is try not to stress out too much, just go with the flow and trust that she will sort herself out. Sometimes getting anxious or stressy about it rubs off on the baby and they don't settle.

Don't let it stop you going out though. You may feel like people get annoyed by your baby crying but most people don't and if they do they prob don't have kids! I found that my DS actually settled easier if there was lots of things going on like in a cafe or shopping centre. Think all the buzz around him soothed him... Who knows, he's a strange little boy sometimes :)

Some good advice here.

It will pass. You are not alone and especially as a first timer - most mums on here (including myself) have felt a bit lost / overwhelmed / frustrated / not as I thought it would be like being a mum.

It does get easier. You will get a routine.

I put my not so LO (20 weeks) to sleep in his buggy. Again I have to rock it until he's asleep. When he's asleep I stop and leave him in the garden. ( I can see him all the time) If he wakes after a short nap I rock him again and he usually settles again. He usually has 2 hours or more.

I did this with my first Son and in the end, because we did the same thing every day at sleep time, ie, nappy change, milk, burp, jacket on, in buggy, blankets on, rock - I didn't need to rock him in the end because he knew it was time for sleep.

Your baby is still young though and my baby has only been a routine for about 4 weeks.

Go with the flow and keep coming on MN it's great for support and advice.

Good Luck and Congratulations on your new baby.

White Noise.
Go to youtube.
Do a search for 'white noise'.
It should work.
It might sound weird at first but it works.
I have to be careful when cycling past a local fountain because it reminds me of white noise and I nearly fall asleep on my bike.
;)
This is for helping your child sleep, of course.
I often use the 12 hour one that pops up on youtube. It sounds like static, is, I guess, but it knocks me out flat.
Lots of mothers swear by white noise.

This is what I use - you might think it odd - but it does work.
Or there are waterfalls or rain falling.

I've heard that a lot of parents use this to knock their kids out - when I read such comments, it almost made me want a kid.
;)

DS was like this but I found that once outside it wasn't actually that bad - I was more anxious about it making things worse. I used to time it so would go for a walk with him in the sling and meet up with other mums so he had a nap and might still be sleeping when I got there and if he woke, he'd be ok. If he got tired, he'd not cry so much and I could always walk home again.

You ladies should try White Noise. Imagine, you put your kid down, put the WN on, and the kid just zonks out.
It could change your life if it works.

Yes we used white noise when at home - although still took a bit of rocking to get DS off to sleep!

Well, I guess I'm glad I didn't fall for the marketing after all.
"Knock Your Kids Out Wi' White Noise - Guaranteed Or Your Money Back".
I thought there might be a catch.
;)

My friend's DS was very like this as a baby. We used to go for very long cross country walks together a LOT!

Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that your baby crying is anything like as painful for other people as it is for you. Even the mums of those "perfect" babies will understand. Plan for treks in the park with plenty of drinks, nibbles, nappies etc. I loved our long walks, even though my own DS was okay to sit in cafes - it was so good to get some fresh air and exercise. My friend and I still remember them very fondly!

Thank you so much everyone - really appreciate your support and all the great ideas. We have a good bedtime routine & she sleeps pretty well most nights, so will now start working on a daytime routine.