15 month old constant lashing out

[lumpymash]

I was expecting the terrible two's but DS is 15months and has developed a nasty temper unlike anything I've seen in another child of his age.

He hits out >constantly< and screams hysterically when I say no to him, refuse to give something he wants, well anything really. Picks up things and throws them at me, hits me in the face, kicks me when I change his nappy. He's also hitting other people and people have made comments.

I just have no clue what's best to do when he acts like this. I've tried telling him off in a firm voice, then removing him from the situation and distracting him, but I'm getting no where.

Does anyone have any ideas what could work on such a young child or do I just need to take it?
He's especially bad when we're out and about. Someone said they think he's just spoilt which has worried me! We make such an effort to not spoil him, but I know our relatives all do. (First grandchild, nephew etc.)
Any advice from anyone more in the know would be appreciated! Thanks you.

DS is frustrated by the world at times which is pretty natural at this age.

It is your job as his mother to show him that hurting other people is unacceptable so for goodness sake don't "just take it" or you will be storing up huge problems for him in his interaction with others.

Let him have as much control over his life as possible and re-think your life to accommodate this - but make sure he knows that hurting people is unacceptable.

Thanks for the quick response Essential. I think you're totally right on DS being frustrated. He's very active and is always wanting to run around and shout and roar which is all fine at home or the park or whatever. But he gets so angry when I won't let him run off in the street or by cars and lashes out.

I agree its completely not something I can ignore, (I've had a few "But he's just a baby!" but young or not, I certainly don't want this to continue.

He doesn't hit other children if I didn't mention that before. In the mum and toddler group we attend he's the smallest and is sometimes pushed around by older children but just wanders away from them to find another toy. He also attended nursery until I finished work recently and had no problems there.

It seems to be anger just at the adults, that he sees as preventing him from getting what he wants.

When he lashes out, he has a firm row (but without shouting - he's loud enough without me encouraging him!), and is removed from the situation when possible. I don't know what else to do with him?! I want to nip it in the bud. :(

I found this site really helpful.

sorry...it's not displaying the search results but if you search it for "hitting" you'll be able to pick the most appropriate result

Some really sensible-sounding advice I read recently is that as they move out of the 'baby' phase and are no longer breastfeeding etc, they obviously start having fewer cuddles - and therefore physical comfort. When in fact their need for this is as great as it ever was, as physical contact is essential for helping them to regulate their brain systems. And that lashing out and physical violence in general is their confused way of asking for physical contact. So a cuddle-regime may be worth trying for a week or so.

My DS is nearly the same age, and has a propensity for fiery behaviour which stems entirely from frustration. Strategies I try to use are;

1. Plenty of sleep.
2. We go out between 11 and 2.30ish every day and he is free to run around. We go to the park, or swimming etc and I just make sure he has loads of exercise and fresh air, like a puppy.
3. I have him on reins and we try to walk everywhere instead of taking the pram. EVen now he is starting to understand "walk next to me or I will carry you".
4. Making plenty of the house a kind of safe zone so I'm not always having to say "no".
5. WHen he does kick off, I say in a quiet, calm and hopefully slightly menacing voice "I do not expect that behaviour, please stop" and then try to distract.

It by no means works all the time, and I don't know how much discipline actually is understood now, but I figure it's setting up for the future. I don't let any hitting or pushing go, I say a firm "NO. We do not play like that".

I am quite strict but I don't want a boy that people go "oh god" about.

Thank you so much for your advice everyone.
On the website Moonface showed me, it mentioned a few things about affection and cuddles etc. and I really think that is a factor along with the frustration I think he has.
He's a very loving, affectionate boy and does like joining in when DH gives me a hug when he gets home after work :)
We're fortunate that DH is a brilliant daddy and they have a very close relationship too with lots of cuddles and running about and chasing etc.
So maybe I'm not matching DH's efforts.
I am going to try lots more cuddles and quiet time reading and singing together as well as having set amounts of time to have outdoors running about and letting him explore. We hardly ever use his buggy as he hates the restriction so will continue to let him walk with his reigns.
Thank you again everyone! You've made a first time mum feel much more confident that I can help my little boy be happier and nip this in the bud now! :)