Angry, short-tempered, impatient 2 year old...

[Flowerface]

DD has always been a little 'challenging', and keeping her calm is a full-time job, but recently matters seems to have deteriorated. She is very verbal and able to express herself, but recently what she wants to express is "NO!" or "MINE!" Every single thing - getting her dressed, putting shoes on... is a struggle which results in at least one screaming fit (from her). Failure to immediately understand and provide what she wants results in hysterics, as in yesterday: [her] "this book?" [me, helpfully, or so I thought] "you mean this one?" [her] "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" (hysterics). Or, Daddy comes home from work and says "that's a lovely picture you've done, DD, may I have a look?" (her) "NOOOOOOOO!!! It's MIIIIINEEEE!"

I am sure this is just a standard 2-year old thing (is it?). But what's the best way to deal with it? When she starts screaming at me angrily I have started just leaving the room. Is this the right thing to do? I would like try to make this quite a short phase, if possible... But I have to admit that I was a vile child for quite a long time, so I am worried (maybe irrationally) about setting a pattern that will last into later childhood. Does anyone have any good techniques for dealing with this? Her short temper means that it is getting impossible to show her how to do things (painting, etc), and we end up with me painting and her issuing instructions...

Help!

Sounds like my 2yo. I just ignore her like you are doing, and give her lots of praise for good behaviour. She has come out of it a bit now, which is a relief. She is always faaarrr worse when she's tired though so I have to enforce a nap- does your DD sleep well?

Yes, this is why they're called the Terrible Twos. She's pushing her luck, just to see if she can - your job is to show her where the boundaries are. And she is, obviously, the centre of the world so she can't begin to comprehend why you might not instantly understand her needs/wants - she just doesn't have the imagination/maturity yet to see that you can't read her mind, which is very frustrating for her.

The walking away when she's angry sounds like a good plan. Pick your battles - usually best to just ignore her, but obviously zero tolerance for the really bad behaviour. Use distraction as much as possible.

It is a maturity thing and it will get easier - but I think you have a while yet to go. Just make the most of the times that she's reasonable and nice!

Oh yes! Sometimes it's easier just to agree - so when DS sys something, I'll say ok or yes if I'm not sure (thinking of the book example). Sometimes it seems as if he understands more than he actually does which can cause frustration on his part - one tip I've used is never ask questions that you don't know the answer to (so eg can I see you picture - you don't know the answer. Better way to phrase it is "show daddy your picture you painted"). As they get older then that changes obviously!

Getting dressed - well I give warning and come back to it if he kicks off. I try and get him to help and make it fun. Also dressing in front of the mirror.

The other thing is don't underestimate the impact of tiredness, hunger or illness can have on a 2 year old. I try and keep DS well fed and rested and he's easier to deal with. I also let him take the lead with play etc - he issues instructions when drawing/painting, I rarely show him how it's done. In fact I will "paint" and he'll join in - he likes that!

By the way I don't give in to DS - we rarely have battles as such, I just have to adjust my thinking a little. Which can be hard when tired myself but if I'm more patient, then DS is easier to deal with.

You might find interesting - and probably quite reassuring in some respects!!

"Angry, short-tempered, impatient 2 year old"
this is the nature of being 2! Have some understanding - it will pass

It's just amazing how dramatically her behaviour has deteriorated - almost overnight. Because she has always been a bit difficult, we thought we knew what the terrible twos were like - we were wrong! Like the Supernanny though!

... In fact, now I've watched that I think she's a saint!

My dd was absolutely vile at this age. EVERYTHING was a battle and hard hard work. It will get better!!! When does she start pre school? I found this was the turning point.

Ha ha, I enjoy Supernanny too. There's always a child behaving far worse than mine, which is comforting (although I also find myself saying "There, but for the grace of god.....")

It also shows that there are techniques (admittedly, not for everyone - but, hey...!) that can bring about dramatic improvements even in kids that seem to be beyond all hope. Which is good to know.

This is indeed just typical toddler behaviour. I agree with the ignore it and praise the good. She will grow out of it

Sounds like my one! Teething seems to make it a lot worse, though - she's just getting two molars and I can really tell.