I just don't know what to feed him. Please help, getting desperate.

[Memoo]

I have dd(12) ds(10) and dd(2).

Both of my girls will eat anything. I try to cook everything from fresh and they have lots of fruit and veg.

Ds however is a knightmare! I'm so tired of having to cook him different meals. I know people will say just give him what everyone else is having, he'll eat it if he is hungry but he actually won't.

Over the years we've had tears and tantrums ( from both of us) Ive tried ignoring, reward charts, threats, bribery. He eats no veg at all and tbe only fruit he will eat is apples.

Tonight we are having a rice and vegtable dish. There us no way on this earth he will touch it. He'll end up having oven chips again!

Please please does anyone have an ideas??

Ah now texture is a good one. My ds doesn't like sauces or gravy and will often eat first his veg, then his carbs, then his meat. He refuses to mix and match. But then my 11yo dd has only just started to do this.

I think they prefer one taste at a time. He also separates the batter from the fish etc - funny kids!

How about a salad bowl with meals filled with peppers, carrot sticks, crunchy lettuce, baby sweetcorn, celery, baby tomatoes etc? You can also throw in some fruit and that will save in the fridge for a few days - just keep getting it out at teatime!

This book by Sam Stern is pretty good if you think something teen-related might help your ds get into cooking.

Memoo, I have two boys like yours so I quite understand the stress. I hide fruit and veg in cakes and, reading through your list, I really don't think what your boy is having is too bad. OK, so he's not getting the veg, but he's not eating a lot of crap is he?

DS1 is 12.5 and he's just started getting a teensy bit adventurous. He really surprises me sometimes, he likes quite strong savoury flavours and since I've learnt to relax he really does seem to be more willing to try (DP and I often sneak into the kitchen and silently punch the air when he tries something new! ). I've also discovered that ds2 (5) is prepared to occasionally lick a lemon (weirdo). Never disregard something without trying it on them, you never know. Oh, and frozen peas, every now and again they'll eat one frozen but cooked? Horrors.

If there's one thing I've done that makes me feel better about it all it is making my own bread. I put seeds and good oils into it and I offer it at mealtimes. If the boys don't like what's on offer they'll have a roll, maybe with peanut butter or nutella (see how much I've relaxed) and I know they're getting something good.

You're doing great, now relax.

I hoped ds would grow out of it too but he's 11 next month.

I'd love to make my own bread. Do you use a bread maker or do it in the oven?

Sorry for all the typos, on my phone and just rushing out for school run.

Great suggestion, Cadelaide about hiding stuff in cakes as well. Lots of recipes online these days. Would that work, Memoo?

On rice: have you tried him with different kinds of rice. When I was a kid, I hated rice because my mum only ever cooked American long grain rice and it's fairly flavourless, and you have to chase all the individual grains around the plate. My kids aren't keen on it either.

They absolutely love various other kinds of rice though. They're particularly keen on Thai glutinous rice and japanese rice, both of which are sticky so they (mostly DS2, age 2) can pick up chunks with his hands and shove them in his mouth. They taste lovely too. You can also make rice balls with the cooled rice, and they both love this. The kids also like risotto and paella type dishes, and will eat pilau rice (although they're less keen on basmati rice as the grains don't stick together).

So it might be worth experimenting with different types of rice, or ways of preparing it. You might find something with a texture and consistency that appeals. Same with noodles. Even if he doesn't like pasta, he might like ramen noodles (or one of the gazillion other types of noodles available). Maybe talk to him about the different kinds of noodles and rice and take him to a Chinese supermarket and let him choose. He might be willing to try, you never know.

Memoo, this sounds stressful. You poor thing!

I am not sure about hiding the veg. If he was 10 months old, perhaps. However, at 10 years old I think the point at which hiding veg has long gone. Realistically how much veg are you going to manage to sneak in to actually have any nutritional value? Added to which, by hiding the veg he will not know what he is eating or what he might actually quite like, so no progress will be made in the long-run.

Instead, I would suggest that you get really firm. Now, I know this is hard, expecially if this has been going on a long while and it is not your usual parenting style.

My mother was hard with us when it came to food, but did not affect our wonderful relationship in any way. And the upshot is my DB, DS and I ate anything and everything. It took time and I do recall some long and upsetting dinner times, but we knew there was no alternative. I specifically remember thinking as a child that I wasn't hungry so I didn't care if it "is this or nothing until breakfast", but we could not leave the table until we had at least eaten a decent amount. By the time my sister sometimes finished her dinner it was stone cold. But the phases passed and before hitting teens, all three of us were eating whatever that was put infront of us (within reason i.e. DS hated tomatos, so DM would give her a tiny portion), and to this day - she hates tomatos but will tolerate them in dishes.

Anyway, I think - no alternatives at all. Your dinner of rice and veg should be the only option. It is not like you are offering anything wild and exotic. You are offering simple tasty fare that should be at least partially consumed by your DS. If he doesn't want it, then tood bad. He does not leave the table until he has had x number of mouthfuls. And if he utterly fails to do that, then NOTHING until morning.

As long as he is having sufficient liquids, he will be fine even if he is not eating enough. Whilst you do this, it might be an idea to introduce a multi vitamin.

Good luck!

Yes Memoo, but DS1 is 12.5 and he's only just started to try stuff.

I make bread in an ancient breadmaker, but really I just use that for the kneading, I never actually let it run through the bake cycle 'cos it comes out as a weird cube. I take out the risen dough, shape it into rolls, leave it to rise for 30mins-ish and bung it in the oven. I've done it so often it's part of the daily routine and I barely think about it and it does give me that "I've nourished them" feeling that we parents of fussy-eaters strive for. I use walnut oil and add linseeds, they're tiny and no-one grumbles about them. I usually do half white flour and half wholemeal.

You can get pears or beetroot into a chocolate cake. I do a chocolate cake with about 4/5 pears in it and they have a slice in their lunchboxes. The pears lend a pleasant texture.

I notice he loves pizza. Well you could make your own base (breadmaker for the kneading bit again) and get a few seeds and some wholemeal into that, and then you could whizz all kinds of secrets into the tomato sauce bit. Peppers are good. (just noticed someone else said the pizza thing)

The thing is though, really, his diet looks fine to me. And I'll bet if I posted my DSs diet it would look fine to you. Blimey, your boy eats apples! We really do have to relax about it. The old "5-a-day" thing isn't the law, after all, it's just some figure dreamt up by some government bod or other. Just imagine how much better we'd feel if they'd picked 3 or even 4 a day.

You worry 'cos your boy is slim (not eating enough good stuff?), I worry 'cos my boy is big (eating too much bad stuff?). We need to stop all this worry. You do realise I'm talking to myself here as much as you?

Oh, another thing my boy liked. I took him to a greengrocers and told him to choose. Can't remember what he went for, and I think he only licked it, but it was fun and it's a start.

Regarding the hiding veg issue, DS is really pleased now when I announce after he's enjoyed something; "you do realise that had blahblahblah in it?".

memoo

Recipe for tomato sauce with other stuff in it:
Carton of passata or chopped tinned toms
1 red onion
1 red or yellow or orange pepper
4 button mushrooms
one small courgette
oil
tiny squeeze of garlic puree
tiny pinch of oregano or mixed herbs
salt & pepper or veg stock powder
one heaped teaspoon of sugar (optional

Chop and fry all the veg in oil, then add the passata or tomatoes and cook until soft. Puree in blender until you can't see a single lump.
Fry up minced beef and add the sauce to it to make a ragu, or reduce it until it's thicker and spread on pizza base, topped with cheese.

Pork burgers.
500g Pork mince
1 red onion chopped
1/2 fennel bulb chopped
1/2 apple peeled, cored and chopped
2 cubes of frozen spinach, defrosted and drained of excess liquid
1 thick slice wholemeal bread, blended into crumbs
1 egg
salt and pepper
White bread burger rolls
ketchup if he likes it.

Blitz the bread in a blender to make crumbs and set aside in big bowl. Blitz all ingredients together except the mince until they are a fine foam, then add them and the mince to the breadcrumbs and stir for ages until fully blended. Form into burgers and bake or grill. Hide burgers in white bread rolls with ketchup. Once he's used to them, start adding more spinach and fennel.

You can make beef burgers with added tomato puree, blended onion, red peppers, mushroom and egg mix. Add wholemeal breadcrumbs as they are slightly sweet and have lots of vitamins.

You can hide almost anything in a chocolate cake. My friend made a courgette and chocolate cake which my son said tasted a bit funny, after he'd eaten three slices. There are recipes for choc and sweet potato, choc and beetroot, choc and carrot, choc and parsnip - loads of choices.
My fussy eater loved banana cake made with ground almonds replacing 1/2 the flour, as long as the banana was mashed up so there were no visible lumps. Same with spiced apple cake, made with ground almonds, lots of eggs, vanilla and a tiny hint of cinnamon.

Try this for cakes with veg: www.amazon.co.uk/Red-Velvet-Chocolate-Heartache-feel-good/dp/0593062361