Help with emotional DS please

[shufflebum]

DS1 is a generally a lovely, cheeky 2.5 year old but has always been prone to being quite emotional, his mood is either very happy or very sad (takes after me ) with no real middle road. DS2 is 8 weeks and suffering with reflux so I am very tired and stressed and DS1 is obviously picking up on this and being affected by it poor thing. I would just love some coping strategies, anything can be a trigger for him to dissolve into floods of inconsolable tears from telling him it's time for lunch, asking him to find his shoes or very slightly hurting himself. I should say these aren't tantrums more of a complete emotional meltdown. I have tried the tough love approach and the sympathetic have a cuddle method and neither seem to help. He has very good speech for his age but is often not able to communicate why he is upset and will make something up, usually that he has bumped himself when I have been sitting next to him reading a story so he definitely hasn't.
How can I get his mood to level out a bit more and for him to maybe toughen up a bit without losing my lovely sensitive funny boy?

Bump

DD used to do that -

"He has very good speech for his age but is often not able to communicate why he is upset and will make something up, usually that he has bumped himself when I have been sitting next to him reading a story so he definitely hasn't. "

she also had very good speech very early but it is easy to forget that doesn't mean they have equally good understanding of their own feelings!

Sorry I can't help much, just saw the bump so wanted to reply... tbh I think it is probably normal due to the big change in his life (I had the same gap between my first 2) and all you can do is ride it out with lots of cuddles and reassurance that you love him etc ... I can see how frustrating it is, and it is so hard not to snap - I am sleep deprived atm too and I hate myself when I snap at my older 2, but it happens in every family at some point - even if a child is an only, a mum or dad is going to snap due to stress at work or some other factor, not fair and we try not to but that's life...

I am not sure you can do much to toughen him up - my ds1 is a real typical boy now, at 4, and was a real sturdy boisterous mini toddler, but he had a strange and quite long over sensitive phase at 2, and he had no new sibling to contend with at that point either, I really don't know why it was. He came right out of it and went a bit far the other way at 3 though, nothing I did, it just happened!

Good luck, and hope you get some more useful advice!

Can you label his emotions for him? He won't know what he's feeling unless someone tells him. So with DS, I'll say "you're upset/you've hurt yourself etc" and he's better at telling us by saying yes or no when we try and tell him.

The idea is to do this instead of saying it's ok, because you validate their feelings and feel understood.

That's helpful thanks. Infact his most heart wrenching comment most recently whilst in the middle of a meltdown was "mummy, why am I crying?" had me in tears too! Will try to help him understand his feelings more.

DS1 is not getting enough emotional support in the face of a new sibling because you are so tired. Can your dp give him more support? Or can you spend some more time 1:1 with him?

Dh is great and does his share of bedtimes (infact DS1 kicks off when it's my night as he wants Daddy to do it) we also take him swimming or to the park or the dreaded soft play at the weekend where DH is very involved. I'm always careful to make sure that when DS2 is asleep that DS1 gets my full attention, not sure what other emotional support I can give.
Tonight we tried labelling his feelings as he rollercoastered between laughing and crying and he would say I'm happy, I'm laughing or my cry , me sad but he couldn't understand "why?" He just says he is happy or sad.