Does your DH treat your DD like 'his little princess'?

[TougherThanTheRest]

Mine doesn't and while I don't want her to be treated like some precious little darling it makes me a bit sad when I see how some Dads seem to worship their daughters. I overheard someone I work with calling his teenage daughter 'princess' the other day and I know of friends whose DHs buy their daughters presents and seem to have a more 'special' relationship with them.

DH and DD get on fine but I think he finds her baffling and sometimes lacks ideas of what to do with her if they're alone together. He is a good kind father though and I know he thinks the world of her, he's just not a very demonstrative sort of man - he isn't great at cuddles or anything like that and is a bit unsympathetic if she's hurt or not well.

What sort of relationships do other peoples DHs and DDs have? (My DD is 9 btw and is our only one).

Mine does. But he says I am the same with DS! Don't feel sad about it, it is probably temperamental or cultural and as long as they have a good relationship that is all that matters.

Mine does-well we both do, to be honest! DH has a teenage DD from his first marriage who is 19 and away at uni. He also has 2 teen DS's. DD is my only girl-I have grown up DTS's. We met later in life and suffered two mc's before my pregnancy with DD and we were thrilled to have a girl.
We won't bring her up in a way that will encourage precociousness, but she is pretty much the centre of our world. I love the way he is so attuned to her and revels in her milestones. My DTS's father was not as emotionally available to them, although he was a "good dad", so it is nice that I get to experience this kind of parenting approach from DH to DD

Pretty similar to OP in our house.

2 DDs (7 & 9). They know they are loved by mom and dad. But the hugs and kisses usually come from me. DHs specialty is piggy backs, or swinging them up high or chasing them around the house. They are getting rather big for this now. DH doesn't spend much time alone with either DD, and is definitely quite unsympathetic to moans about minor hurts that happen on his watch. My Dad was the same. To me, this is perfectly normal, and I'd find it really weird if DH treated them like princesses.

In spite of not being treated like a princess at home, DD1 can act a total princess, with a very keep sense of entitlement!

Mine does but he also says i am the same with our ds, I do love the father daughter relationship they have it's special and dd acres her Dad, there is a lot of love between us all obviously but the special bonds are nice.

I'm not entirely sure what I mean either! I think just a very close relationship where she can do no wrong and he thinks the world of her, also being quite protective and maybe spoiling her a bit with little treats etc. Put like that it sounds a bit yuk and not something to aspire to!

I guess it comes down as much to his more low key personality as anything. He's not very demonstrative with me either, would never dream of buying me a little treat out of the blue (although in fairness he's generous at birthdays and Christmas and maybe he would be at other times if we were less skint!) and is fairly unsympathetic if I'm feeling down.

We're very different and DD is more like me, we're extremely close and do a lot together and I just wish she had a similar relationship with her Dad but I guess I should be glad that they do get on OK and that she adores him - as I know he does her, if only he'd show it.

Dh and dd have always had a very close relationship but I don't think it's one where either of them thinks the other can't go wrong. More about enjoying being together, sharing jokes. Not very different from his relationship with ds. He cuddles them both, is sympathetic but not overly worried if they get hurt.

Nope. Theirs is more of a love-hate relationship - apparently they get on much better when I'm not around, but he teases her slightly more than she likes and she can be quite horrible and stand offish with them. DD is 4, I hate to imagine what they are going to be like when she is 14.

DH doesn't spoil DD, but he certainly gives her masses of his attention when he's at home. Lots of cuddles, games, stories etc. (She's currently 22 mo)

But DH admitted he wanted to have a girl (and another too) in preference to a boy. Nothing against boys, but my DH says he doesn't really see himself as a father of sons (whatever he means by that!!!) so always pictured himself with a DD.

I guess some people are more comfortable with one gender than another.

(Not suggesting that's necessarily the situation with your DH, but it may be a factor).

My dad absolutely doted on me, we were close and if I wanted anything and mum had said no I knew exactly what I needed to do to get it...go to daddy, he never refused!
Sounds awful I know, but I don't think it has affected me adversely at all, I don't expect other men to treat me that way either. When I look back it was a rose coloured childhood, just as memories should be and I wouldn't change a thing. So I know exactly what you mean/want for your DD, but if your DH isn't that kind of person then it isn't going to be that way and what you've never had you never miss. As long as she knows that he loves her that all that matters.
It sounds like you make for up for it and have the close relationship with her, I think thats the way with most parents and their children.

My beloved pops (dad) died last December. He never called me his little princess and we didn't have that kind of relationship.

He was the most wonderful dad. He was unceasingly reliable, kind, thoughtful. A true gent. Some may say a tad edwardian in his parenting style, but that would be only how it looked to outsiders. The truth was he was just the most perfect dad in my eyes.

Every dad has his own style. And chances are his style will suit your daughter. May not suit you, but as long as he suits you as your DH... then no problemo!

No, not at all, and he is quite scathing of the princessly traits she nevertheless exhibits! :) But they cuddle on the sofa (he does that with DS1 too - not so much with the baby but he has never been a baby person). When he praises her her really means it and it means more than it would if he was in awe of everything she did. He very rarely buys the kids presents, and says I buy them far too much (joint bank account), but if he does buy either of the older kids anything they treasure it and remember Daddy bought it, and there is usually a reason behind the present.

DH does not spend a lot of time alone with the kids, in part due to the hours he works but tbh he could take them swimming etc. at weekends, but it is still me who does that. When he does decide to take them somewhere without me (there was a special fossil and dinosaur exhibit on just for 3 days in a city an hour away from us by train recently and the older 2 have been very interested in fossils and dinosaurs recently, so DH decided to take a day off work and take them, as it was not really a baby appropriate day out) it is a special occasion for them, and it makes me happy too when he decides to do it without any suggestion from me.

I don't think he treats our dd and older ds very differently from each other though, aside from the 2 year age difference, I don't think gender makes a big difference, maybe it will be different when they are older...

DD is 6 and we also have 2 DS, 4 yo and a baby.

I know what you mean, i think he'll love your Daughter to bits but he just shows it differently. This "Princess" thing seems to have stemmed from America. I have a hanger a friend bought me which says 'Princess'....as i look about 12 she decided to get it me!! but it's just different people. My Dad was never around so no personal experience of it, as someone said gender sometimes matters to people-my Dad wanted me to be a boy.

OP I think you are muddling the issues.

Are you worried about the relationship between your daughter and your husband? Do you feel it is unhealthy or dysfunctional or making either of them unhappy? If so, then you are right to want them to be able to improve on this, but "treating her like a princess" is not the opposite of a dysfunctional father / daughter relationship. In fact, as you rightly say, it is NOT something to aspire to.

I'll be frank and say that it sounds to me like their relationship is different to the relationship that you have with her. This does not make it wrong or in need of fixing. It would be wrong of you to assume that your way is best, and potentially disastrous of you to wade in criticising.

Unless there are issues that you have genuine concerns about, do them the courtesy of allowing them to form their own relationship. One person's influence alone is not enough for a child. They need to have many different relationships with all the people in their lives.

My dad kind of did this (although I would have rejected use of the word's "little princess"). He favoured me, was dead proud, etc.

Then I turned 12, got moody, and the scales fell from my dad's eyes. The damage that his little girl growing up did to him, and the resultant damage his disappointment / withdrawal of that kind of worshipping did me, was immense.

We had a TERRIBLE relationship throughout my teens and whilst obviously this won't always follow on, I would be anxious if I thought my boyfriend was heading for the same starting relationship with a daughter of ours. Anecdatally at least, I have heard this princess>nightmare teen trajectory from other people.

I'd go with Allhailtheaubergine - do let their relationship be theirs, and don't fret about your own projections of what that relationship should be.

x

urgh apologies for bad grammar

No. DP is very close to all 3 dds but there isn't a hint of little princessy behaviour there. Thank goodness, as neither of us can bear little princessy type girls.

He teaches them to build model boats and takes them kayaking and windsurfing, and they play with scaletrix and remote controlled cars. Not very different from if they were boys.

He loves and adores her and does all the rough and tumble stuff that I don't, but of she became daddy's little princess I think I would vomit on them both then kill DH. To be honest although we love Sil to bits we do blame her spoilt little madam episodes on her relationship with FIL. DP always makes sure he treats DS and DD equally as DS isn't his, but his eyes do do a special little melty thing when he looks at her sometimes

I'll swap your DH's attitude for my DH's, Tougher

Yes, he treats DD (10) like a Princess, Queen, whatever. It's frankly annoying. He smothers her, spoils her, buys her literally whatever she wants and does everything for her. Never, ever lets up.

She is an utter PITA due to all this and I dread the future.

She's fine with me alone, however, this is rare; but if Dad is around, she demands - and gets - waited on hand and foot. I've tried to stop him and promote her independence, but I get nowhere.