Am i alone in feeling like this?

[Teletubby]

I completely adore my two daughters (aged 2years and 6 months) but i can't help but feel so so bored stuck at home, day in day out, same routine etc, i am bored to tears! I love them dearly and feel terrible for feeling like this, it's not them that i want to get away from but i just hate the boredom of each day being so dull.
I've got lots of friends and regularly visit them but i feel so alone and lost all the time like i have nothing to look forward to. I couldn't bear going to work and leaving them but still feel that i crave a bit of difference from the same old thing. My husband is very supportive but i think it's only a matter of time before he tells me to buck my ideas up and stop being so down and fed up. I'm surviving on only a few hours broken sleep each night as neither have been sleeping that well which doesn't help. Has anyone got any solutions because i don't know what to do to stop me feeling so bloody bored.

Teletubby, I know how you feel! Try making lists of things to do (including some things you like doing) and try and do one a day, so that each day has something different in it. Could be going to the library or just going for a walk in a new place. A bit of variety really helps I think,

This is probably really obvious, but I hope it helps - don't feel guilty for feeling bored!

Would you consider going to work part-time?

Oh hon', lots of sympathy. I work 4 days and on the 5th day with Lottie I love it but look forward to her Dad coming home. If I don't get out of the house with her I get a bit stir crazy. I really couldn't be a stay at home mum - it's just not for me. I adore Lottie, she is my world but I do think I feel as strongly as I do about her becasue I have the opportunity to miss her and can't wait to be with her again. If I was with her 24/7 I don't think I'd be as good a mother. The only thing I can suggest is a night course so you have something to study and focus on during the day but that doesn't require a childminder. Or how about a bit of work you can do from home. Or doing Body Shop parties or even Ann Summers parties in the evening??

Can only say their are eposides when it is really good a SAHM. I go through varying periods of feeling exactly the same and it's especially hard in the early years it does get better though as you adjust to your new(ish) life!

I'm already studying with the intent of giving me an interest outside of children but even that has turned into a bit of a burden trying to fit it in, reading when so tired etc. I've contemplated working part-time for the reason that it will make me appreciate my time at home more but i just could'nt bear to leave them, i think that would depress me more. I was meant to return to work part-time when i had dd1 but for one reason and another didn't but in a way wish i had because then i never would have known any different

I go to the gym, putting dd in the creche. Is this something you would maybe like? I know its not everyones's thing, but I enjoy my workout, and dd has fun playing with the other kids.

Teletubby, sorry to hear you're feeling a little low. Maybe you're just tired/sleep deprived at the moment. I too am a SAHM and I enjoy it most of the time. My dd has just turned 3 and my ds has just turned 1. I haven't worked since my dd was born as I was made redundant but I don't miss work at the moment. I try to plan out the week so we have something to get up and out for. DD is now at playschool for 5 mornings a week which is great for her as she was a little restricted with ds about. I do get a little jelly brained with all the children's telly and stuff though. Do you get any time to yourself? I joined a gym when ds was 10 weeks old and even though like you I was not getting alot of sleep it helped. I now try to get to the gym for yoga or swimming once or twice a week on my own. I am not Mrs Housework by any means and try to get out as much as possible - it's going to be harder now that the winters coming I know. Do you have time on your hands or are you really busy but bored? I am thinking of doing a open university degree in the future when I have more time when ds goes to playschool as I will return to work. I think the first year with a baby and a toddler is really hard and restricting but don't feel bad about being bored being with them. I think every mum feels bad about leaving her babies while they work at first. When they see how the children are OK it gets easier. I think if you feel so lonely and lost you should sit down and decide what is it that would make you really happy and then decide is it achievable. If that means going to work p/t then look into it. Oh another thing, is all the broken nights down to you to sort or does hubby help? My dd still was waking in the night when ds was born and I was zombie wife so after many nights of rowing with dh saying why did he never hear her and I was up too much etc I put dd in the spare room with him and he had to help and things looked less bleak with a little more sleep. Give yourself a break and ask for his help. Good luck.

Teletubby, Sounds like you need to give it a try though - leaving your kids with a childminder. Sounds like that is the only thing holding you back right now. Maybe you haven't found the best situation and need to do a bit more inquiring. I work part-time, and actually love it. While I was home with DD, I started to get really bored early on and knew that I would never be a good SAHM. Musica and Hopey have some good advice. I would definitely try to do some things on your own or try to get out of the house, if you can. I think a lot of mums can relate to what you are saying.

Ditto Thomcat's post (almost word for word)- so no you are not alone, and what you are feeling is probably quite normal....

....Although you do sound a bit depressed and despondent, and if you are in the 'doldrums' its difficult to think clearly about possible solutions and drag yourself out of it.

You probably do need some separate time away from the children - and whilst you say you are reluctant to leave them, if you are to start feeling any differently about life you are probably going to have to (even if its as minimal as an informal recriprocal arrangement with a friend for half a day a week leaving you to pursue something for yourself).

I don't want to appear to lecture you (after all there is enough of that on mumsnet!), but it seems to me that you'll have to embrace some sort of change if you want things to be different.

I hope things pick up for you. Take care,

It is boring with under threes - the more they talk the better. I think you have to be ruthlessly organized and have a non stop social whirl to gett he most out of being a SAHM

I have to say, technically i hate my job but doing it 12 hrs, 3 afternoons a week, is great. Just enough time away to keep me sane. I don't enjoy motherhood really, even tho i adore my dd. I had no idea trying to entertain someone with stuff that doesn't interest you in the slightest would be such a pain.
Being tired only makes it all worse. Hope things get better. It isn't just you....

As a SAHM, I can relate to you not wanting to leave your dd's and think it's a little unfair that everyone seems to be suggesting that it's the only sensible option.

I think for starters you need to arrange some time to yourself. Maybe an hour, maybe an afternoon. Just some time to do something which makes you feel good. Then, you need to take a step back and work out what you want to do. Maybe it is work, in which case, don't feel guilty, maybe something a little less formal, an evening class? Volunteering at the local charity shop or old people's home? Joining a gym? Maybe just an afternoon a week with nothing planned so you can do what you feel like at the time.

Do you have family locally who could care for your dd's? Or could dh have them some time over the w/e? Or maybe you will need to organise a childminder.

Whatever you decide, you are not being unreasonable. Even the most committed SAHM needs a break sometimes. I would also say that this age is quite difficult, it will get easier as they get older.

Just step back from it a bit and work out what you want.

My friend who is basically a SAHM but also works as a journalist - ie no formal childcare - is part of an informal network of mothers who look after each other's children on a reciprocal basis so they all have some me-time without having to pay for regular hours of childcare. I'm a happier mum for working - and I only need 3mornings a week at nursery at the mo. It's not all or nothing! I think having some childcare for them that's not you is a lifesaver, esp if you are tired. A local nursery even for dd1 would give you a bit of a break, and your mum or sister or someone could have dd2 at the same time you could see an exhibition or a movie or something so you feel 'yourself' again.

Teletubby, I know where you are coming from. I am a SAHM and like you don't want to go to work, it wouldn't make any financial sense so I can't see me doing it for the sake of something to do. Here is what I try to do to make our time more interesting, go to aerobics/fitness classes and put DS1 & 2 in the creche, take kids swimming, meet friends, go to the park, cook (I enjoy cooking), today I made bread (not using the bread machine) just because I fancied trying it. I agree with Codswallop about it getting easier as they get older, my two are almost five and 17 months, the oldest now goes to nursery every afternoon and DS2's afternoon nap conveniently coincides, sometimes when DS1 goes to nursery I go into the town and look round the shops with DS2 in the buggy then he falls asleep I go into a local coffee shop, have a coffee and read the paper (bliss).

I don't know if any of this helps but for me I feel I have to keep changing things or I do get stuck in a rut.

Of course lots of time on Mumsnet helps too!

Teletubby - how are you feeling, did you read anything that made you think - ohhh yes - that might work?

I don't think it's unfair that people were suggesting you consider taking a little job - after all it was only people trying to think of ways for you to do something for yourself, without the kids and that seems the most obvious. Something needs to change in you life, even if it's only just for a little while.

If you really can't bear the thought of being without them but at the same time are getting bored being with them the only thihg I can think to suggest is adult activities. Like museums and galleries and then you could take the kids to the park, for something nice to eat on the way home. So you both get to do something you like.

Is there a family memeber of friend that you could leave them with for a couple of hours while you get your feet up and have a break from them and could you arrange to make this something that happens once a week? Could your 2 year old start at a little nursery for a couple of hours one day a week?

Telly tubby I picked up on the not having anything to look forward to so why not think of things you could look forward to in the day.For instance arranging a night out with your friends.How about a little sherry,one of my favourites.Why not buy a glossy mag to look forward to reading it in peace in the bath.Buy some new shwer gel or your fav soap.Look and see what is on tv later.Arrange one night in week for a takeway so you don't have a meal to cook.

One last thing,you're lucky really I had to go to work in unsociable hours when I'd done the whole daytime routine with my two when they were very little.At least you don't have to.

I felt exactly the same when on maternity leave and when I went back to work p/time, wanted to be a SAHM again. Never pleased.

I moved to a different area from my friends when dd was born to be near MIL so I was very lonely - still am sometimes - but forced myself to do something everyday. Nothing major but I joined the local library, went to a Mother & Baby group, parents visited one day etc etc. Then I had a reason to get showered/make up on etc etc and the day wasn't a haze of hoovering and cbeebies.

I even made a cleaning rota on my computer so I still felt like a shit hot office pa, how sad is that?

I was talking to my mum last week about how she was a SAHM for 10 years and how I only had 3 months maternity leave. Like many others feel the grass is always greener. I would love to love to be a SAHM iyswim. My mum reminded me how bored I was with the endless coffee mornings when I was on ML.

She said where they first lived when I was born there was a thing called the Housewives Register where lots of SAHM's (and presumably housewives without children as well) met up and discussed anything BUT children. It sounds like an extended book group with extra discussions about politics etc. She said it was great and she'd come home buzzing and when they moved when I was 3 she was very disappointed not to have this. She joined a WI type group which meets up and has talks and discussions in the evenings.

I have always thought that something like that would be great as I got bored on ML with the constant discussions about nappies, poo, weaning etc. I'm sure it's the same when the kids grow up.

Could you investigate whether there is anything like this in your area? Have a look at bookcrossing for book groups. Or how about starting one up? Intellectual recharge for SAHM's. To be honest apart from the money it's the chat I come to work for.

Just a quick one - someone on another thread said that the Housewives Register is now the National Women's Register (www.nwr.org/).
Might be worth a look. Sounds younger than the WI.

How about a trip to the park to crunch through the lovely autumn leaves, I was thinking about you today when I was doing this with DS2 (on the way to pick up DS1 from nursery), it didn't appeal at first but was quite good fun once we got going.

Can your husband work part time? Or from home? I only suggest it as this is the solution we came up with. I quickly went doolally on maternity leave, so now I work 4 days a week and dh works 1. That way the sluglet is always with a parent and we both have the mental stimulation of work.

Why is it that it is alwaays the woman who is expected to work part time anyway?