starting bilingualism in toddlerhood - any experiences/resources?

[ExistentialistCat]

Bit of background: I'm German by birth but have grown up in English-speaking countries and feel entirely English in terms of my identity. DH is English, we live in the UK.

I've got 2 DDs aged 1 and 2, and I've spoken to them almost entirely in English for most of their lives. I know I'm a wimp (please be gentle with me on this count as I do feel quite guilty), but I just didn't have the strength for OPOL as I would have had to be the minority language parent and it does feel like an effort speaking German these days. I'm fluent but just don't quite feel like "me" in German, if that makes any sense...?

DDs are exposed to German through lots of songs, stories and very frequent grandparental visits but I'm starting to feel like I want to do more.

Has anyone else introduced a new language to DCs at the age of 1 or 2? DD1 talks very fluently and DD2 has somewhere around 50-100 words. I don't want to confuse or upset them and I don't want to recreate the battle of my own childhood home where we were constantly admonished to talk in German. I've read a lot about the effort needed to make bilingualism work and, whilst I'm happy to put in some work to give my DDs the gift of another language, I don't want it to make us all miserable.

Thanks for any tips!

well, we had it the other way round.
we only speak the minority language at home, so the dc were exposed to (nearly) only that for the first 9 months of their lives. then they started full time nursery (english speaking).
both have adjusted well and speak both languages, even though the older (just started reception) separates the languages completely whilst the younger mixes words.

at home we try to only watch films in the minority language and only read books in our language as well.

I know quite a few mothers in a similar position to yours, in that they live in France and wanted to pass on English to their children when they themselves had grown up bilingual in English and French; French had, however, become their dominant or preferred language over time. They all say just how hard it was to "get into the groove" of speaking English to their children, and a lot of them just couldn't manage to do so with their first baby although they managed to overcome this when the children were small and found it easier with each subsequent child.

I think you can do it; what I would question is how much German on top of your own input you will need to ensure your children are exposed to in order for them to make enough progress to make the whole exercise worthwhile.

My dd started a French speaking creche aged 2, then french speaking maternelle at 2.5, and we speak English at home. It has been pretty painless. She used to "mix" a lot more when smaller, but we just repeated the correct phrase. She is 7 now and will occasionally use a french word in an English sentence, but is otherwise effectively bilingual. I think in your case you need to really firmly follow the OPOL concept to have the best effect.

Wow, thanks for such quick responses!

I'm afraid that OPOL really isn't for us and it's good to hear about others finding this hard, too (thanks, Bonsoir!).

There is a local German toddler group and Saturday preschool/primary school, which I'm hoping might help, but it'll be up to me to teach my DDs to speak enough German to attend the latter in the first place. I'm not quite sure how to do that - if I just start talking German to them, I get very quizzical looks and total silence in response...

Hello there, we're in a similar position, with me being German (but having lived in UK for 20 years) and dh english speaking. In my experience, kids are pretty simple - they will only use a language if they 'have' to (i.e. have a need to).

I also agree with Bonsoir that you will need ALOT of minority language input to get any degree of language proficiency. So not only would I recommend you speak to your dd's in German (they'll get pretty quickly that to get anything from you they'll need to learn ), but sign them up to attend German Saturday School (think they start at age 3 but have a long waiting list), get lots of German dvds/books - I think they are young enough to learn another language pretty quickly. You'll probably feel more comfortable speaking to them in German the more you do - it becomes the language you associate with each other in my experience.

I think Belgo has your issue in reverse, living in Belgium with Flemish dh and kids in flemish speaking school, but she speaks to them in English. I think it has been hard getting them to speak English in the early days...probably she is busy on work placement at the mo, but might see this in the coming days....

No experience of this (we are OPOL from birth), but a bit of encouragement ...

First, remember it's a no lose gamble - even if your children do not acquire perfect German by you speaking to them, the alternative is waiting till they start secondary school, when they will acquire German far worse than whatever they are going to learn from you IYSWIM.

The other thing is, you are worried about German becoming a battleground because of "admonishing" - sounds obvious, but it won't if you don't admonish! There are so many other tactics you can use to get children to speak the target language, depending on the situation and the age and fluency of the child, and if you stick on this thread I am sure you will pick them up. I promise you, it doesn't have to be a fight!

I can't see how your children are going to become bilingual if they don't have regular input of German. I wouldn't class grandparents' visits, saturday German playgroup, a bit of singing in German really enough input, unless you mean they spend a couple of days a week with the grandparents. You might get some passive understanding of German. The obvious solution is to speak German to your children.

Agree that you have to speak German, and keep speaking German to do this. Although dd's mother tongue is English, French is probably her "main" language. She is 7 and still gets confused with certain things eg days of the week, in English despite daily repetition. She reads more fluently in French than in English.

She speaks English very well though, and gets 90% plus marks at school, so she obviously isn't dim. It's hard to know which language to read with her though. I want her to read well in English, but it is vital to her education that she reads brilliantly in French and gathers vocabulary that she might otherwise miss out on.

You absolutely have to speak only in German to your dd's if you want to given them any chance of become bilingual. The environment (nursery/school) language is so dominant that they need ALOT of minority language input to master another language. I seem to remember that children learn sounds and language (natively) until about age 3, so have a little time left. But I really would stick to OPOL if I were you - Good luck!

I think there is a difference between being bi-lingual and being fluent in a foreign language.

After all I moved to France when I was 32 and I am now completely fluent, to the extent that I am a local counciller. I can read and write fluently - though my written French is somewhat slower than my English. I don't consider myself to be bilingual, though my girls are.

So not going the OPOL route and pushing for full bilingual does not mean that your children will never speak German. Any language you can give them now will be a benefit, but I personnally don't believe it should be hard work.

Very very few people, even OPOLers will end up being totally bilingual. Or they will start off bilingual, then slowly, but surely become "just" very very fluent in one of the languages. Simply because, by definition, no child is going to be exposed 50-50 to 2 languages.
I say dd is bilingual, but she isn't, in that her English reading and writing are not nearly as strong as her Italian, because she is at school here, and her English exposure is limited to me, and the 3 months we spend in the UK.

So basically, I'm agreeing with frenchfancy. I've been here 18 years and am fluent, but not bilingual. Dd will be a fluent English speaker but she won't be totally bilingual. As others have said though, even doing wee bits of German lessons will help. My degree is Spanish and French and I'm doing a bit of Spanish with dd and she is already soaking it up. The OP being a native speaker will only improve on that.

Sorry, I've been off mumsnet for a few days and have only just seen all of these replies. Thank you to everyone who took the time and trouble to post, I really appreciate it.

I suspect that the general consensus that I would need to speak only German to my DDs to come even close to fluency, let alone bilingualism, is correct. However, I'm not sure that the costs in terms of how it would feel to me are worth it. That's not to belittle the advantages of another language and so on. It's just that I don't feel completely personally comfortable in German - an issue more to do with identity than fluency - and I don't know how genuinely I could be myself with my DDs if I stuck to the rule of speaking only German to them.

Does that make sense? I think I'm probably trying to have my cake (comfortable English identity) and eat it (fluency/bilingualism for my DDs)! Does anyone else experience these dilemmas regarding language and identity? It's so rarely mentioned, discussions seem to be more in terms of logistics and practicalities. That's what I asked about in the first place, of course, but it's stirred up all the personal/cultural issues for me again.

Perhaps you could try out speaking German to your dd's for a few, say 3-4 days. Because, whilst it WILL feel odd and unnatural initially, over time it becomes more natural and you start to 'associate' a language with a person.

Regarding the 'identity' I think only YOU can decide how comfortable you feel about being English and/or German. Personally, although coming to England 20 years ago, I feel proud and confident about my German heritage and would like to pass this on to our children. I'd also love them to spend some time of their education abroad, again to appreciate different cultures.

Good luck with whatever you decide

While I can understand that speaking German may mean you're out of your comfort zone I would try to do it.

If I understand correctly your parents are still living? Don't you want your children to be able to have a relationship with them? My DD has a 100% passive understanding of German but only the need to interact with her non-English speaking grandparents forced her to actually speak German. If we wouldn't have insisted on a 100% German household language she wouldn't be able to enjoy her grandparents.

You may think with 1 and 2 they can interact with your parents but DD is 4 and since last year we realised how much interaction is now based on speaking.

My DH had an American colleague, his mother was a German war-bride. He actually found it sad and of a disadvantage that his mother never taught him and his brother German. He felt, he actually missed a part of his heritage.

Disagree that "bilingualism" means perfect and equal competence. Even the (incredibly few, if you start considering accent and culture) people who do meet that definition will not have perfectly balanced bilingualism, e.g. if you're a bilingual chef who's always worked in France, you're going to be stronger in French when talking about work than you are in your other language.

Most people who have studied these questions see bilnugualism as a spectrum and judge it on ability to function rather than perfection.

And I personally would say that being anywhere on that spectrum is better than being nowhere on it.

Good point about balance from MIFLAW.

I grew up in Sweden in a monolingual family and went to university there, but then spent time working as an archaeologist in the UK. I couldn't possibly go on a dig in Sweden and follow instructions from a Swedish site officer; I haven't got the vocabulary. But that doesn't mean I am suddenly a less competent Swedish speaker; after all, most people don't have that particular very specialised vocabulary in any language. It doesn't detract from my Swedish iyswim.

Otoh I can sail a boat in Swedish but not in English: most of my friends in either country can't sail a boat in any language. I don't sit in work meetings at my British workplace worrying in case I am challenged on nautical terms and found wanting.

Though my family was monolingual in their everyday life, my mum at that time had a bit of a love affair with English culture, so she introduced me to English books and nursery rhymes from age 6 onwards. I am sure you couldn't say it made me bilingual, but it was still an enormous advantage to have and when later in life I did need to be bilingual it gave me something to build on. My parents never agonised about what level of linguistic competence we would reach: they just taught us what they knew and it was up to us what we did with it.

If there's a German playgroup, there must be a local German community. You might be able to find someone to childmind them in German, even 1 day a week? Actually, you might be worrying over nothing, your children might already meet "the entrance requirement" for the playgroup! You should talk to the organizer and find out, they also might have advice on getting up to speed if yours aren't there already.

I think I get what you're saying about not feeling "like me" in German- you feel like English is now your native tongue, and German feels "foreign"? And you want to be allowed to speak what's most comfortable to your children? How is your DH's German? Could the whole family speak German a few times a week?

I switched from speaking English to French with my son when he was just 2. I am English and so French is not really part of my identity beyond loving the language. I have not been very strict OPOL and do not have the advantage of French family
members to help. My son is now 3.5 and understands French very well and speaks a bit. It has definitely been worth it and is now part of my shared identity with him. It now feels strange to talk English with him although I do on occasion. As Miflaw said, it's a no-lose gamble, and in fact it was him who convinced me to try it out last year! I am very very glad I started when I did as I think it would be much much harder now as my son's English is so good. He was a bit surprised for the first couple of weeks of French but soon seemed to get used to it. I have enjoyed reconnecting with French and the chance to learn new nursery rhymes etc. We are in England so not much support around me for French.

Go, chocolatecrispies!

Thanks! Should also add it's been lots of fun to get that immersed in another language- do you think some of your reluctance might be that in your family it wasn't fun,OP? I don't admonish at all, I just tell my son how amazing it is that he understands more than one language.
One last point, in my experience native language playgroups will be reluctant to take children not at least understanding the minority language, as they will make it harder to stay true to the minority language, and just attending a playgroup will not be enough for them to learn the language. But you have not left it too late, my son has been offered a place at our local weekly 'petite ecole' for francophone children on the strength of his French now, and as I said above I didn't start until he was 2.

Sorry to double post but just re-read your posts, existentialcat, and wanted to add my experience on starting late. I did get completely blank looks at first and no response, which was difficult as he was responding well in English. I was very repetitious and very expressive with body language. I remembered my own experience of being taught languages through immersion, where at first it all felt incomprehensible but very quickly patterns started to emerge. I reasoned that children often understand less English than we assume and that doesn't stop me talking to them.so I just talked and talked. Anything you can manage is a plus, you don't have to give up completely on English with them. In fact you might even be able to explain to your 2 year old what you are doing in simple language. Get some books you already have in english in German too, get some DVDs in German and make German fun and desirable - for you as well! I find it such a relief to listen to French nursery rhymes after endless humpty at the playgroups.

Choc

Which petite ecole are you at? Can't remember where you live.