Potty training regression/wilful weeing

[JulianaTokyo]

Hi there, I know this has been discussed ad infinitum but... my dd who has just turned 3 was potty trained at 2yrs 3mo - 3 months before ds arrived and with the full approval of (her very helpful) nursery. She got it pretty quickly and was fine for about 5 months. Since then she has majorly relapsed with weeing, never poo. She has to be cajoled to the loo to avoid accidents, probably only does 3 - 4 wees a day, and doesn't seem to care when she wets herself. She tells me she does it to be naughty when I try to talk to her about it, but she is not very good at directly expressing how she feels and I can't be sure whether this is really the case or whether she just doesn't know it's coming. She very very rarely does it when we are out, but regularly does it at home and at nursery. Charts/rewards don't work ('no thank you, I don't want a wee or a chocolate button'). Health visitor says I have to ride it out, that she is very bright and is just testing boundaries - but I am at my wits end and feel my boundaries have been fully tested. I really do try with the whole don't react thing but honestly sometimes it is impossible. Any tips from survivors of similar situations? Thanks

we had a similar issue last Christmas that lasted for several months and like you was when at home or nursery. With the nursery bit it transpired that there was a boy at nursery who regularly wet himself and DD perceived that he didn't get told off for doing it therefore it was acceptable behaviour. At home I think she genuinely left it too late several times and then decided that it didn't matter, I was at the end of the line with it and starting to get really cross with her when she peed on her favourite pink suede boots so i chucked them in the bin and we have't had an issue since - prob not v helpful but just wanted you to know you are not alone!

Thank you - maybe I'll try to engineer something similar!!

I had a similar thing with my ds when he was 3. He wanted to potty train and he was brilliant at wees for a coupld of months until we got some kittens. I said "these are the baby cats" and he went mad shouting "no they are not babies". And after that he just started weeing in his pants all the time, but only when we was with me. Not when he was with anthing else.
He is 4.5 now but I remember one time when he clearly needed a wee - he was jiggling all over the place. And his dad said come on lets go to the toilet and he said "no daddie I dont need a wee" then he walked over the the sofa and weed on it. Ooh I was so cross. In hingsight I realise that he was jealous of the attention the kittens were getting. But at the time I didnt realise. Anyway I tried everthing - rewards, telling off, ignoring, getting him to clean it up, even smacking on a couple of occasions, talking about why he did it etc. Asked the HV for advice. Nothing worked. This went on for 6 months. Some days we would get through 7 pairs of trousers. It was awful.
So one day we had a family day out at the science museum with ds1, ds2, dh, auntie and GP. He was dry all day. We walked though the frontdoor. He stood on the door, looked at me, and weeed on the doormat.
And I realised he was playing me for a fool! So I very calmly explained to him that we both knew that he was aware when he needed to do a wee. But that at the moment he was choosing to be a baby and wee in his pants like a baby. And I said that was ok. But that if he wanted to be a baby then he would have to wear a nappy like a baby. And that mummy was just so sick of clearing up wee. He was seriously unimpressed. We went back to nappies and within 2 day he was dry and taking the nappy off to go and wee in the toiled. And we havent looked back since.
Sorry its long but sometimes going back to nappies isnt the disaster it may seem. I feel like I still gave him the choice to use the toilet or wee in his nappy and I made it clear that I wasnt upset that he didnt want to be dry but that I wasnt prepared to out up with wee everywhere anymore.

Have you thought of a potty sticker? they are a great incentive, as it's like magic. they're black circular stickers that are heat responsive, so when they're wee-ed on, they change into a picture. Great incentive ;)

Just revisited this and wanted to say thanks very much for the replies. We seem to have turned a corner and am sure it is all attention linked, and she has, like you say, been playing me for a fool. But the other day she told me she didn't want to wear a night nappy any more and has been fine with it, so am holding my breath (although I probably shouldn't). But so great to know am not the only one feeling like this.