How did you know that the time was right to ttc#2?

[ellesabe]

Hi all,

Dd is 12mo and I'm starting to weigh up the pros and cons of giving it a shot for #2 as I really would like a fairly small age gap.

We live in a very small 2 bedroom flat which would be a squeeze but doable in the short-term.
I absolutely loved being pregnant with dd1 but found it v exhausting and this time I'd have a toddler to contend with too.
Financially we would be in a pretty tight spot as I now only work one day a week and my next maternity pay would reflect this. We would however be well-supported by family.

Dh would definitely like another dc but is not seriously entertaining the idea yet. Tbh I think he may still be slightly traumatised by dd1's birth. He has said that he's willing to DISCUSS it in January. He is a very 'these are the facts' kind of guy and I think I'm worried that we will discuss it in Jamuary and he will just bombard me with all the cons and we'll end up putting it off until the cons disappear (never going to happen). And how do I begin to explain to him that despite the hard facts, my heart is saying that the time may be right?

Sorry for the long post but as you can tell I'm a little lost in my thoughts and I was just wondering what swung it for other people?

How did you know that the time was right for #2?

Or am I overthinking it? :)

Elle x

Hi :)

I think the decision is so easy to make first time, but the second time round you know what you're letting yourself in for!

Has your dh thought about what sort of age gap he would like? Or is he just not willing to discuss it at all just now? January really isn't so far away. Just think in terms of getting Christmas out of the way then it is something you can start thinking about (although if you are like me it is hard to be patient!)

Does dc1 still nap? That was my saviour during my second pregnancy - day time naps!

Oh yes I am SO terrible at being patient! Could you tell?!

DH hasn't really voiced an opinion about age gaps, despite my several attempts to entice it out of him :) Maybe he's compiling a case in preparation for our January 'chat'.

I have to say that I didn't think of sharing dd1's naps. And I like that idea! Any other reassurances that it won't be as difficult as I fear would be much appreciated!!

Well I have to say I have found having 2 dc's easier than I thought I would (I do have another thread going about dd's terrible two phase but you already have a dd and having that coming anyway )

I found being pregnant 2nd time round harder, but I was sick the whole way through so was just unlucky. I suppose the school of thought for a small gap is that you may as well get all the sleep deprivation and nappies done in one go. Also my dd now loves ds and can't remember a time without him. Dh and I are both glad we had a small gap

I only have one, but we would both like another. However, we know the time is not right at the moment for us, mainly for financial reasons (we're stuck in a one-bed flat at the moment because of negative equity, and are saving hard for another deposit). We're also thinking that we might have to wait until DD is a bit older so we don't have two lots of nursery to pay for (DD is only part-time at nursery but it's still expensive!).

That all said - if you'd asked me six months ago if I was ready (emotionally) I would have said No, no way. Now I can contemplate it without being terrified at the thought of a toddler and a baby. And I get broody when I see tiny babies

So, in a long winded way, I that you'll just know in your heart if you're ready. Consider your financial situation and if it's a case of 'yes, things will be tough, but we'll manage' then go for it. It's tougher financially at the beginning because of mat pay, nursery fees etc, but not as bad when they go to school (or so people tell me). Also, your body might not wait forever if you put it off too long.

I have 2 DD's 21mths apart.
We always knew we wanted 2 reasonably close together so it was an easy decision to us.

Originally DH wanted to wait till the new year.. This was about sept time. Being impatient I kind of persuaded him to start trying, thinking it would take a while anyway.
To cut a long story short I fell pregnant straight away the first month!
So my advice would be to start ttc with the smallest gap you are happiest with.

It can be tough being pregnant and looking after a toddler but you get through it. I have no family nearby so its just been a case of get on with it. Newborn and toddler had its nightmare days too! But you soon settle into routines and it does get easier, Plus you are so much more relaxed with number 2 and know more of what you are doing! :)

The girls are now 3 and 18mths. We are really seeing the rewards of a small gap now as they are best friends and adore each other. They do fight like cat and dog but I think thats just siblings for you! DD1 was too young to remember life without DD2 so theres not been any jealousy in that aspect either.

All in all im glad we had that age gap :)

Depends a lot on your age, health etc too. I have a 19 month gap and am really glad of it now they are 3 and 17 months. It was tiring being pregnant with a toddler, but it would have been if I was pregnant and working too. I napped when DD did and was pottering a lot to playgroups.

I had a traumatic birth with DD so wanted another birth out the way asap so I could stop ever having to think of it again. I got signed off by the physio and consultant at 10 months and we started ttc and lo and behold - DS! I wanted two children but no more so for me it was a case of getting through the nappies etc and on to charging about outside at the same stage. They both like the same playparks and the same toys and the same tv already so it is working for me as it's less work!

I was 34 when I had DD and have a family history of early menopause so didn't feel we had time to hang around in case it never happened. I was also 4 years older than my brother and we didn't have much in common so I wanted to increase the odds of them sharing similar interests while young - though I don't expect them to be best friends obviously! That'll depend on personality.

I know of friends who had real trouble conceiving their second, or had losses between their first and second and ended up with big gaps so I didn't want to leave it too long to try in case that happened too.

We will have approx 21 months between the 2. We decided to start trying when dd was about 13 months, purely because it could have taken years...however the day after deciding I found out I was already pregnant!

This pg has been harder, and who knows what it'll be like with 2 but we'll find out in Spring!

We have 15 months between our children and it was the best decision ever they are now aged 5 &6 years old and they are great playmates. I found it hard for the first year or so but since then it has got better and better xx

Realistically, what are your chances/plans for moving out of the really small two bedroom flat?

I think it might be a bit miserable looking after a toddler and a baby when there isn't really enough room to accommodate you all. Is your bedroom big enough to have baby sleeping in with you in a cot? If not, do you think toddler could sleep through a newborn crying ... etc.

We had 2 years 8 months between our dc. I started ttc again when dd was about 18 months BUT I was feeling the pressure because I was so old.