School run topics of conversation help (aka I'm shite at smalltalk)

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

I thought those of you who were good at this sort of thing might like to give some tips to those of us who are crap at it. I'm naturally shy, never know what to say to people. Even the parents of DD's little friends, all I can think of to ask is about their (now not so) new babies.

What the hell can I talk about? It's pre-school btw, children are 3 if that makes a difference.

"Do you work?" or "Did you work before having children?"

"What do / did you do?"

"Gosh, I bet that's an interesting job to do!"

Job done.

definitely do the ask questions thing. People always like to talk about themselves / their children etc so just ask a few basic things and then use their answers to build up further conversations. With some people it might just stay a one way street but some you will find a natural affinity with and they'll ask you things and you have the beginnings of a friendship. My MW put me in touch with another woman the same age who had a baby the same week as me and we met up and within about 10 mins were exchanging birth stories! Sometimes you just skip the small talk!

Did you watch strictly / x factor at the weekend usually gets a response
Or 'what are you doing this weekend'
In a couple of weeks you can start asking 'so how's your Xmas shopping going'

:o

So the trick is to prod them to talk about themselves? I keep meaning to ask DH, he's great at this sort of thing. I am everyone's worst nightmare at the school gate...

Them - Oh hello, how are you?
Me - fine thanks.
Them - Are you off to work after this?
Me - Yes.
Them - um...

Terrible!

I find we often talk about decorating or gardening. Ask them what they are doing today and take it from there.

Compliment their child, people like that.

Not sure about asking about work, I am not working atm and am very sensitive to having to say it out loud. (I hate the way it makes me sound.)

I see people gabbling away, even my SIL who's horrible and always wonder how the hell they're doing it and what the hell they're talking about.

So, ask questions;
Weekend
Christmas shopping
Work or former work
Popular TV culture

This is very helpful, thanks. :)

So, ask questions;
Weekend
Christmas shopping
Work or former work :)
Popular TV culture

What their plans are for day (am) what they got up to today (pm) what plans are for weekend / hols etc

Talk about school play / fete

Say something lovely about their child / how much your child likes their child etc

Yep, ask questions.

With DD's friends - gosh, little Ella looks like she's grown recently, look at her carrying her own backpack. Has she got used to Oliver yet, is she enjoying being a big sister? And how about you, getting into a routine? Is it harder or easier the second time around, do you reckon? I have to admit I'm a bit terrified, but you look like you enjoy it.

Glad it's going to be sunny this weekend, Olive's a nightmare if we can't get out of the house. What do you do on wet weekends, any tips? Have you tried that new softplay place down the road, is it any good?

So have you met this new teacher? Imogen seems to like her, which is nice, but I'm always a bit sad when the old one goes. How about you?

School holidays are coming up, then. Are you going anywhere? We thought of just doing a caravanning thing this year, but I don't know. Where did you go last year? Was it good?

Christmas suddenly seems so close. Do you do the whole tree and decorations bit? Before we had Zoe we didn't bother much, but this year I think it'll be fun. What do you do at yours?

(I don't watch TV, but if I say that I feel like I'm flying the freak flag, so I hate TV small talk!)

I am quite sensitive about the work thing, but don't let that stop you

But it sounds like part of what you need is advice on how to respond, not initiate.

Them: so how are you?
You: oh, good, good. Was afraid we were going to catch that bug that's been going around, but looks like we're okay, have you and yours escaped? It's always worse this time of year, isn't it, the illnesses.
Them: long ramble about child illness, you get to nod sympathetically.

Them: so, off to work after this
You: Yep. God it's a nightmare though, isn't it, sometimes, getting everyone organised in the mornings and here on time to beat the traffic. Do you find? Maybe I need to be better organised, what do you do?

As you can see, I'm all about asking advice even if I don't need it.

I wouldn't ask about work (unless you already know their circumstances), just in case you get a prickly SAHP/WOHP moment. Keep it general - maybe asking if they have nice plans for the rest of the day/the weekend/the holidays. Or what they did in holidays/weekend just gone. Or how they enjoyed/if they are looking forward too any school/local community events.

Or perhaps which teacher is shagging the headmaster? (Recent overheard lively conversation!)

Hmm yes, the work thing can be a leeetle bit sensitive, but the key to it is to be impressed by whatever they do or did.

And try...

Them - Oh hello, how are you?
Me - fine thanks.
Them - Are you off to work after this?
Me - Yes. How about you?
Them - Me me me me me :)

Compliment their shoes - unless they are wearing hideous cornish pasties. In which case ask if they've just had their hair done.

PMSL :o

OK, am going to try all this tomorrow morning, I shall think of you lot and hope that my target isn't wearing cornish pasties on her feet!