overstimulation fears

[paranoid2android]

I have a 10 week old baby and am completely paranoid about overstimulating them. It started when I read a blog, www.janetlansbury.com/ and started reading a book called Your Self Confident Baby, by Magda Gerber. It's all based on this childrearing philosophy that you should basically stay at home for the first 2 and a half years of the child's life!! That children need a lot of time doing independent play to self-discover, and that the world, especially in the first few months is just too scary and complicated for them to process. I agreed with some aspects of the book, and it's really helped me, but it's also fillled me with fears about overstimulating my baby, scaring her or traumatising her, and that it's not fair to her to go out too much. When we are at home she is much more of a smiley, chatty baby, and she does go a bit goggle eyed when we go out, but on a practical level, I do need to go out to run errands and also I do want to socialise with other mums or I would go crazy! But ever since reading this book, I'm filled with guilt everytime we go out, I know that's a bit crazy! The book suggests that if you do need to run errands you should leave your baby with a dad, or other relative, but that to me is just impossible, as her dad is working most of the time,and I can't leave her for more than an hour anyway because of the breastfeeding. I@m sure most of you will think that the advice to stay in as much as humanely possible is a bit ridiculous! But what I wanted to ask is if you any more experienced mums could give advice about if you think overstimulation is a worry or big deal to you? and how to avoid overstimulation, if it's a problem, and what you can do to keep your baby in a routine, calm and sleeping well? One of the reasons I'm so concerned is at Christmas I will be going on a two week tour of friends and relatives to introduce her to my new baby, and I want to do it with her feeling as calm and relaxed as possible. thanks for listening to my paranoid thoughts.

Sling - a wrap tied facing in keeps her close to you and means you can block out the world if needed by shielding her head a bit.

Overstimulation can be a problem, yes, but so is an overwound parent. You stressing will be worse because it teaches her that the world is something to get stressed about.

And I have no idea where the random came from. Fat fingers? A subliminal desire to be wrapped up and for the world to bugger off?

I have 3dds, youngest 9 months, I'm not sure how this would work if it wasn't your first baby. Personally I don't think overstimulation is that big an issue, well I'll clarify it hasn't been for mine . Your baby will be around 17 weeks or so at Christmas, with any luck they will still be at that yummy stage when they fall asleep in your arms.

Make sure you always have a buggy with you, and you can always escape for a walk if you feel all the visiting is getting a bit much.

I am of the tuck a baby under your arm and head to Tescos kind of opinion but I know that's just me . Good luck, congratulations and I hope you have a lovely first Christmas together.

Do you use a sling at all? I found DD would snuggle her head into my chest if we were out and she had had enough of all the sights and sounds.

You will go bonkers if you try to stay in all the time, babies are resilient little things and will let you know if they don't like whats happening.

There's plenty of middle ground between staying-at-home-forever and going out to every mother-and-baby group there is (which some mothers do!). I'm sympathetic to the home-is-best view, largely because I'm not terribly sociable myself (and because I've witnessed SO many overstimulated meltdowns in other people's children), but we do meet up with a friend once or twice a week, and we go for an outing most days even if just to a playground.

I do agree with fraktious - a sling that enables your DC to see out but also to hide their head when it all gets a bit much would be a good idea. Babies are quite sensible and will try and shut the world out when they've had enough. It's when they've got nowhere cosy to tuck their head that it winds them up (facing outward in a buggy too young - prime example). Think about pictures you've seen of mother monkeys with their babies - the babies are clinging on and feel safe but are watching the world go by wide-eyed.

Just make sure that your baby doesn't get handed around too much when you're visiting people and that you get plenty of just-you-two time and it should be fine. Breastfeeding is always a good excuse - my DD used to 'need' feeding about every 25 minutes when my PILs were driving me crazy in the early days just so I could get some peace.

thanks for the advice fraktious, I have a sling which I've been using in the newborn hug hold, when DD is awake I usually hold her head as she turns from side to side looking at everything! Not sure how I could do it so she would be facing inwards?
and you are right, me stressing is worse than anything. Went into town today and decided to just be realistic, can't avoid the fact that sometimes life is noisy and busy so I may as well chill out about it.

To me overstimulating a baby means dangling toys in their face at a tiny age, sticking them in a jumparoo thingy or playgym where they can't escape from the plastic madness. or not recognising their sleep signals and getting them regular naps, keeping them awake when they need to sleep.

Not going about your business on a day to day basis is probably good for baby provided they can switch off when need be.

just cross-posted with the others, thanks for all the advice. wigglesrock, I'm really enjoying the falling asleep in arms stage so glad it will still be the case at Christmas! yes I'm using a sling, thanks for the wise words Octavia, that's so true about the monkey thing, I feel like when I'm carrying DD in her sling, that it's like a safe base for her to view the world, she can hear my heartbeat, and yet see lots of new things.
have decided to make it to a mum and baby group once a week, and the rest of the days I get out for some fresh air, and exercise without going into town, ( i live in a small village)
, I do find it's a bit full on with relatives sometimes, they love to chat and play with DD but don't always recognise the signs when she's had enough. I will definitly try and give her some quiet time just the two of us, what a great excuse BFeeding is !

I agree with Iggly, over-stimulation is too much plastic tat hanging from their prams! I'm someone who needs adult contact every day and consequently my boys were always out and about as babies, but they never had toys dangled in their faces in prams/car seats and were just left to 'be' at those times IYSWIM.

I now have two very adaptable and socialable toddlers who are happy to meet and chat to new people and socialise well with all ages, where friends of mine who stayed indoors constantly have shy, nervous kids who don't want to leave their sides!!

However, is that because of nature or nurture - who knows!

oh and Iggly so true! The other day we were out in town, and DD was going goggle eyed, and I was knackered and sleep deprived, and MIL was there too, and even after I said I was about to go home cos DD(and me!) had had enough, she was dangling stuff in front of her eyes, showing her her reflection in the bathroom mirror of the cafe we were in, and trying to introduce her to strangers! I know she has limitied time with her, and was getting a bit overexcited, but sometimes I almost feel like people are selfish in wanting the baby's attention and don't see when she's had enough.
You've made me feel so much more relaxed about things, I never hyperentertain DD, because she seems quite capable of making her own entertainment a lot of the time, just gazing at things, and discovering how her hands work etc etc.

Stiching moss, if that's true, I will definitely keep up with my socialising! DD loves to look around at other babies, and smiles at everything, so I can't see how staying at home should be the only thing we do.

Oh yes the excited MIL! bless them.

Have the confidence to take your baby back. It's hard first time around but you get the hang of it - because you suffer the consequences. I'm expecting number 2 soon and am already gearing up for having to grab baby back at Xmas gatherings!

i had never heard of this until just now. i just took my baby everywhere, got out as much as possible. She's one now and cracks up if she's in the house too long, just wants to be out exploring. She's very sociable, in my defense. although she doesnt sleep well.

I think you should just trust your instincts and not over-analyse things too much.

I think it's quite natural for babies not to sleep well, maybe you do did not cause it by taking her out Jenny. I am learning to trust my instincts, because after a reading a number of different baby books I just find that they make no sense because my baby is an individual,
Iggly, after I left the MIL and relatives, and went back home, I just had a magical special feeling, that at the end of the day this is my baby, and I don't have to give her back to anyone! It's great, being the most important person in her life right now.

The great thing about slings is that they allow the baby the choice for themselves - they love to look around and observe everything, in fact, that's how they learn about the world in the first few months. But if they are getting overstimulated, they are right there next to your chest which is a familiar and safe feeling place, which smells of you and your milk and where she can hear and feel your heartbeat like she could in the womb. So when they are getting overstimulated they naturally cuddle in then.

That is always what I've done. Given DS the opportunity to see things, to go and explore for himself, but always provided a safe base he can turn back to if it's getting too much. I think as long as you don't push them when they aren't ready, that's fine. I think you (and the baby) would be incredibly bored and go mad if you stayed in all the time. I don't think that would do the baby any favours at all. They need to see human interaction - it's what they thrive on!

Also, having looked at that blog, it sounds nice, but exhausting and very worthy. It is possible to do attachment parenting without becoming a complete martyr to it. It's absolutely possible to do this. There are gentle discipline threads periodically on this section, and you'll also find a lot of support for things like slings and co-sleeping on mumsnet in general.

I can also recommend you an excellent blog by a lovely lady who lives this sort of stuff all the time and is wonderfully honest about it, even the days she doesn't feel like it - it's a fantastic view of normal life in an AP family just following these kinds of principles. It's not perfect, because who is? It's just about applying the principles in every situation.

Blog and her site which is a more comprehensive explanation rather than the day to day stuff.

paranoid, that's only my experience - not a very empirical study!! And I would say the three or four children who are shy and nervous of new people also have fairly shy parents, whereas I'll talk to anyone . I hate my own company so the boys have a pretty hectic social life and (mostly) love it - we do sometimes stay at home but not often.

I do think all this crap that parents are encouraged to buy when babies are small is part of the problem though - you rarely see a pram/high chair/car seat without something attached to it nowadays and I don't think it's necessary tbh.

The big wide world is interesting enough on it's own!

I'm guessing you have a Moby or similar?

I think you can just adapt the hug hold a bit so her chest is against yours, if her head were straight she'd be nose to chest with you and if she lifts her head a bit she can look from side to side?

I use a woven so I call it a front wrap cross carry and DS plants his face in my chest if he's had enough/is shy, if he's sleeping I pop a side over his head and if he wants he can look round.

IMO overstimulation happens when the baby can't get away from it all.

overstimulation makes me think of those baby t.v channels and dvd's, homes where kids t.v is on loud in the backround all the time or music on loud all the time. to much adult t.v and music - the beat/pace is much faster and there have been links between too much t.v and hyperactivity.`

i once read, maybe on here but maybe another forum, about a mum who overheard a hv at a baby clinic commenting how many new mums had those black out things over the buggy. not because the sun was in baby's face, to stop them getting overstimulated!

i have 3 young kids and they are very different, particularly ds1 and ds2. i sometimes wonder if ds2 is more hyperactive and noisy because the house was noisier and busier with a small toddler running around when he was a baby but was very calm and quiet when ds1 was a baby on his own. it's just the way he is though and isn't so bad that i find it a problem, he just needs channelling in the right direction sometimes to direct all his energy and noise! i'm thinking stage school soon as he's old enough