How to handle 4yo ds' sudden new fear of lifts?

[phdlife]

He was quite frantic, last time we went in one, that lollygagging 2yo dd would be squashed by the doors or, I suspect, left outside. (Separation, to ds, is still the worst thing imaginable.) I tried explaining to him that it was okay, told him to relax, showed him the door-open button and the way the doors bounce open if there's an obstruction, but apparently to no avail.

He got quite worked up when we booked our beach holiday, that we not have an upper-floor apartment in case there was a lift.

Now he doesn't want to go with dh to town, because they will have to go in lifts from the bus platform to street level, or from one level of the museum to the other, etc. He says he never ever wants to see another lift, ever.

He is a pretty sensitive kid and also very stubborn; I can't think what to do. On the one hand, any approach to a lift is likely to cause a major public meltdown - not because he's being naughty or anything, just because he has somehow become genuinely frightened. On the other hand, if we avoid lifts (which would effectively mean avoiding some activities, such as trips to town, the museum, etc.) is there any chance he would just eventually forget about it?

Oh dear poor you. Is there anywhere near you will glass lifts. Maybe with Christmas decorations that you can see whilst in them. Or is it all lifts?

Worse thing you can do, I would suggest, is avoid the lifts. That would confirm his suspicions that they are a 'bad thing' and he's unlikely to forget. I think you need to persevere with giving him a feeling of safety and control the way you have been doing. Use the lifts on quiet days, for example, when he's not going to be squashed into a corner etc. Stay bright and breezy, smiling and chatting normally, even if he's making a big fuss Glass lifts are a great idea because they don't have that enclosed feeling. Some department stores have lifts that go up relatively short distances for wheelchairs and buggies. If all else fails ask your GP.

thanks both. it's all lifts, he's worried about the doors I think, not being closed in.

The minute you start avoiding lifts a phobia starts. My 5 year old started this and just forced her/ rewarded her/ went in glass lifts etc. She can still be not so keen but much much better. Bright and breezy. It will pass if you keep at it. We also used to go to the disney store and buy her a present if she got in the lift.

thanks for those ideas LeninGrad, will have a think about how we can motivate him. he was already becoming such a going-out refusenik, I really don't want to add this complication to the list. sigh.

well we told ds we were all going to the museum (originally it had just been the two dc's and dh) and that we would show him how clever doors were, not squashing people. We stood outside lift and watched two lots of people go up, then we got in and I stuck my arm in closing doors and he jumped out of his skin but of course doors bounced open so okay. Then we went up. (glass lift) At the top I showed him a few more times - he was tense but okay - and we went on to have pleasant trip round art gallery, then back through lifts to southbank, then one more time to go home. He was all good.

Much later I said how good he'd been and I hoped he was proud of himself and he said yes he was feeling much braver now. But what about train doors?