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Is it ok to admit to feeling like this?

18 replies

FeelsLikeALongDay · 08/11/2011 12:21

My DS is 6 months old and a lovely happy baby. I love being his mum and I think I prefer being at home with him, rather than go back to work, but I feel such pressure to be enjoying it all the time and I don't. I find it such hard work sometimes (feeding three times a day - it takes hours!) and I get lonely, despite going out to meet friends most days and it can just feel really monotonous sometimes and I think 'is this it?' I keep telling myself that I love being a mum so much I need to suck it up and enjoy it but I'm struggling. Would love to know if these feelings are normal at this stage...?

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Octaviapink · 08/11/2011 12:27

Oh god I hated weaning. Bf-ing had been so easy and then suddenly there's this tedious, thrice-daily, mess-creating chore to be done. Loathed it.

If you find being at home alone with one baby dull, have another! Grin You will be many things, but bored won't be one of them!

AMumInScotland · 08/11/2011 12:40

Of course it's ok to feel like that. Even if you mostly like being a mum, that doesn't mean you have to enjoy every aspect of it every day. There may be bits you dislike every day, and there may be days you dislike every bit of it!

Enjoy what you can, endure the rest. If you have enjoyed more than you've endured by the end of the week, count yourself lucky. Nobody enjoys all of it.

waitingforskinnyjeanstofit · 08/11/2011 12:44

Course it's OK to feel like that!
Sounds like me a year ago, but it passed quick and as far as I can see they just get more and more fun as they get older. I had to go back to work at 6 months and was grateful of the time away but really enjoyed seeing DS when I came back and wish I could work part time (although hats off to SAHM I'm not sure I could do it and stay sane). Most of the time DS is the most wonderful thing on the planet but I've not met anyone who doesnt get bored/want to strangle them at some point.

The feeding should get easier, just be chilled about it. Take lots of photos so you can see just how much good stuff you get up to and how far you've come.

Maybe meet up with friends for an evening/lunch without babies...you'll prob really enjoy it and be delighted to come home.

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An0therName · 08/11/2011 12:45

totally normal - are you getting out in the evenings at all - exercise class - or got anyone to babysit so you and DH can go out - that can help
if you are feeling low it can be worth just checking its not more than just normal being a parent stuff - so maybe have a chat with a health visitor or GP about signs of PND as it can come on quite late - not saying that is the problem but I would check

FeelsLikeALongDay · 08/11/2011 12:47

You must be a mindreader Octaviapink! We want three (I say that now!) and I said to my partner that we should start trying for number 2 soon. Mind you, then you're really stuck at home all day. Hate how weaning ties you to being at home - it is so dull and DS gets so grumpy. Must delight in the positives! Feel better already reading responses - worst is feeling like you're alone.

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naturalbaby · 08/11/2011 12:48

i have 3, am a sahm wouldn't have things any other way and spend a large percentage of my day wishing i could just have a bit of time to myself in a nice empty quiet house.

i've just started getting back into excercise and have looked into all the activites our local nct group run for mums. i had a brilliant night out last night and feel like a new woman!

ShowOfHands · 08/11/2011 12:49

It's relentless, monotonous, mind-numbing and shattering. You feel so consumed by it all I think. It's always there, 24hrs a day, you don't ever switch off and it's like your world has contracted down to this tiny baby who you adore like nothing else, but are shackled to in a way which means that even if you get up, get you both dressed and out the door successfully, the feelings go with you.

I felt like that too. I was surprised to find that it was because I don't really like babies. Well I like them, you know, in that, look at them all scrunched up and protesting at the temperature/colour/smell/feel of the world type way but I found parenting one of the things bloody hard. From about 12 months onwards something started to shift and I realised that it was our relationship blossoming into a two way thing which was wonderful and beautiful because I'd put in those relentless hours in the early days. The more dd gained independence, the more I understood her, the more I relaxed, the more I could see the fruits of the hard work coming out in my gregarious, funny, amazing child, I understood that it was okay to have felt that way in the early days.

I have another baby now who is 9 weeks old and it's still the same but this time round I know how quickly it passes and how important these early weeks and months are for creating a secure attachment. So I'm trying to step back a bit and see it for what it is which is a fleeting time. I am trying- and even succeeding- to enjoy this bit, to know that it won't last forever and to put a lot more effort into doing things just for me. So I hand ds over and I read/workout/have a bath and I remember that I will feel like me again and the fog will lift.

Don't worry. Your hormones will settle, your baby will change and you won't feel so altered forever.

naturalbaby · 08/11/2011 12:51

i have never been stuck at home all day with any of my kids, and am out and about more now i have 3 of them. the more kids i have the more i need to get out the house everyday! i love having an excuse to go wander round town aimlessly for hours to entertain them.
baby eats better when we are out and i love making up a little packed lunch, bag of supplies and going out for the day.

SkiBumMum · 08/11/2011 13:09

Totally with you on this one. Showofhands I have a 8 wk old DD and a 2.10 DD. Only want 2 so trying to appreciate the baby days but it is quite lonely. DD1 is at nursery 3 days and whilst the other 2 are manic, at least they're not dull. What I miss most is adult chat about something other than kids! Not sure where to get it though as everyone I know here is through DDs. DH struggling at work with lack of sleep so I should be glad I am not doing a lot but I do sometimes resent him being able to dress up smart and Head to the big smoke for work! Maybe I should get him to bring me the Standard!

Anyway, sorry to hijack just wanted to say you're not alone!

pleasethanks · 08/11/2011 13:10

Great post by SoH. i found the first 6 months a real struggle and weaning was a pain in the bum. But here we are at 14 months and I find life good again. My DD can show me she loves me and wants to play with me. But it can be a little relentless at times. Tis the nature of the beast I suspect.

Octaviapink · 08/11/2011 13:18

Yup - SoH is right.

BornSicky · 08/11/2011 13:27

yep, I definitely had those feelings at the beginning of weaning. it is tedious and difficult.

I've somewhat resolved it now by doing BLW and sharing mealtimes with DS. It means I spend far less time endlessly mashing, blending and sieving mushy food. and he's exploring his food much more than passively swallowing the contents of a spoon.

I also always take out little portions of food and snacks for DS wherever I go so I don't feel like I have to go home just to fit in with a meal routine.

BornSicky · 08/11/2011 13:28

oh and we always had breakfast in bed too. that made it feel like a nice treat!

SenoritaViva · 08/11/2011 13:29

Definitely normal. Wait until you are craving for time alone, long for it, dream about it. Get it. Spend whole time wondering what the hell to do and wishing the kid(s) would hurry back soon....

FeelsLikeALongDay · 08/11/2011 13:34

SoH - I could kiss you! Feel loads better, thank you all so much. Now feel like I'll be able to get through the next 5.5 hours before bedtime.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/11/2011 14:57

YANBU or abnormal. Babies are mostly incredibly boring with occasional heart-melty moments specifically designed to keep you on board for the duration. Like that 'first smile' which usually comes just as you're about to do your nut through lack of sleep. It's deliberate, I tell ya. Despite being a WOHM (is that the acronym) and despite baby DS being pretty easy-going, I used to find having to spend all weekend with him was sometimes a pain in the arse. There would have been crawl-marks up the walls if I'd been at home all week as well.

Keep smiling.

tigerlillyd02 · 08/11/2011 23:29

I think it's quite normal. I hated lots of moments until around 12-18 months.

All the sleepless nights along with colic / reflux / tantrums / weaning / choking (gagging) / crying - it was all extremely stressful and I felt my little one was unhappy and so I was too.

Once he became mobile and started communicating better (instead of constantly screaming, so it seemed) I relaxed and enjoyed it much more.

He's 2 now and it's the other way around. I love most moments and there's very few I dislike.

Growlithe · 08/11/2011 23:49

Not read all thread but this isn't 'it'. I must admit I didn't enjoy the small baby stuff with my DDs, who are now 8 and 3, because it was all worry about feeds, nappy changes, are they too hot, are they too cold, have they got nappy rash wah wah wah. But here's the thing, they become a big, interesting, walking, talking joyous adventure, everyday less of a PITA, and you don't even notice it happening! One day he will say something to you, and you think 'Did he think that all for himself?'. He will learn to feed himself, he will be potty trained (yes that is a nightmare), he will go to school, he will get friends, he will learn to dress himself, you will be proud at parents evenings, and order packs of school photos, and despair when he loses his school sweatshirt. And then you will see some other poor new mum and sigh 'they aren't babies for long are they?'.

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