Shouting at your 3 year old

[vanillacinamon]

i shout at my three year old for things which stop me getting her and her baby brother both into the car and out to nursery / work on time. this morning it was because she wanted me to do up all of the buttons on her cardigan whilst I was changing a sudden soiled nappy on her brother and after i had done up the buttons she decided she didnt like the cardigan and wanted to change it. So I ended up shouting something pathetic like "im just trying to get to work can't you help me" or something like that at her
oh god it is all so stressful and horrible. and then i start apologising to her. and worst of all she starts saying in the car on the way to nursery i will shout at my baby for not getting in the car, naughty baby naughty baby

Don't get too worried about your reaction. You're only human and early mornings battling kids into cars, none of us are at our best. :) Maybe tone it down one notch from actual shouting (which is stressful for you) and work on finding a 'firm but stern' voice to get across what you want to happen. Also, if you want help, how about giving the 3yo a few things to do in the morning for which she gets recognition.... set the expectations in advance when everyone's calm rather than getting cross when you're in a rush and it all goes wrong. "I don't like shouting in the morning and you don't me getting cross so, starting tomorrow, if you get in the car nicely and don't make a fuss you can earn a sticker for a chart" for example ... hope she rises to the challenge.

Good luck. :)

Vanilla, you are not alone. It is so hard to try and manage young child, baby and getting out the door to work. And it is exactly when you think something is done - cardigan done up nicely - and then suddenly it is undone that you flip (well I do). The only thing I have been able to do is to talk to dd1 about it - Mummy was shouty and that wasn't very nice. I am sorry etc etc. I also got up earlier - really helps - and started getting coats on etc 10 minutes before I actually needed to. It just all takes longer than you could possibly imagine.

Been there got several t-shirts. I agree with CogitoErgo about saying first thing in the morning what is going to happen and how you would like her to behave.

I find saying out loud that I'm staring to get cross helps. They hear the warning and I realise how I'm feeling and might be able to calm my self down.

Nothing wrong with apologising to your kids either. In fact that's really good. Shows them that you care how your shouting made them feel and that you weren't shouting for no reason. They were being difficult.

Maybe think again about how much prep you can do the night before. And maybe put all bags etc into the car before the kids come out of house.

Keep going.

you lot are so great
i feel so crap about it especially when she starts shouting herself at her baby (doll in the back of the car) about the doll's cardi. The hardest thing is keeping being the parent - i know i should not be emotional, i should be setting an example whether that is staying calm or not apologising to her (if I haven't stayed calm) in an emotional way but in a calm way
thanks anyway for your responses, you have really helped me by taking the time to post
maybe mummy (i.e. me) needs a sticker chart too for her own behaviour

I'm like this too. I have to out of the house by 8am on my 3 work days and it is such a juggle and very stressful. I end up shouting at 3yr old DS almost every day and it makes me feel awful. He will refuse to put his clothes on, brush his teeth, leave his sister alone, running away when I try to put coats and shoes on, wont get in to the buggy...the list goes on. Everything is a battle of wills.

Chances are she's heard 'naughty baby' at nursery rather than necessarily picking it up from you. Yes we should all stay calm in an ideal Disney Pixar World of Motherhood, but we don't. I actually think it's good for children to know that sometimes Mum gets stressed or loses her temper. Otherwise we risk becoming the maternal version of a Stepford Wife, all plastic smiles and unnaturally patient.... which would be freaky :)

I'm at the stage now where I'm dealing with grim stuff like homework-chivvying and pre-pubescent bolshieness. After many years of experience, DS can see when I'm getting wound up, recognises the signs and can choose whether to step back and defuse the situation or stand his ground and risk a tirade! I think that's healthy.