When to get involved when children (toddlers really) are bickering/fighting

[SilveryMoon]

I have 2 ds's. 4.3yrs and 2.9yrs.
As you can imaging, they are at that stage now where everything is a battle of wills. It's driving me crazy.
The argue and fight quite a bit, and although I am sure it is perfectly normal, but at what stage should I be getting in the middle and breaking it up/sending one to bedroom/telling off etc etc etc.
I'm kind of thinking to let them battle it out themselves until someone starts to actually get hurt, but the whingeing drives me to the brink of murder!

I only have one child, but my mother, who has six, never interfered until blood was drawn.

That's what I'm thinking Tee or they will never learn how to settle these things without me and I'll still be jumping in when they're 30!
Ds2 is a real cryer, tantrumer and whinger though, so I normally jump in just to restore peace.
My parents say that I need to switch off and filter it out, let them be boys, let them fight, but when I see blood, then stop it.

I am not good at putting up with screaming & crying, what's worse is that other DC aren't either, and they interfere even if not originally involved, especially if youngest is being picked on & that leads to many blows and some awful violence (never mind the shredding verbal). I would love to just wait until I saw blood, sigh.

Mine spend a lot of time cooling on the stairs & that is the only thing that seems to work.

I just remembered the one time she did not follow that rule was when my oldest brother tickled me so hard I peed myself. That also called for intervention. But perhaps only because I was on the sofa at the time...

lol Tee
ragged I find myself screaming "stop screaming!" Talk about modelling behaviour

I've just read this interesting, will give it a go.

Play-fighting and rough and tumble is actually good for brain development - but not when it turns into one DC hurting the other. I'd step in as soon as I was sure one of them was no longer enjoying it.

If it's bad-tempered fighting about other stuff (toys etc) - it's quite outdated advice to just let them sort arguments out themselves - they're children and of quite different ages, so 'might makes right' which can cause long term resentments if you don't intervene. They're both plenty old enough to understand rules about each other's stuff. If they're just working off excess energy then they may need more activity during the day.

Just read that article. There's a lot of middle ground that it ignores between losing your rag with them and being completely uninvolved. IMO children want to know that there is justice in the world and that's what you're there for.

Point.
My boys share a bedroom and are interested in all the same things so is difficult to remember whose toy is whose etc. which is why I try to get them to share.
Yes, I don't want one of them to get hurt, but I want ds2 to be able to stick up for himself with ds1.
God, it's tough isn't it.

It's really hard when they're sharing a room. Is there no way of them having their own space? I see what you mean about wanting DS2 to stick up for himself (without running to you), but he's still quite a bit smaller and more dependent on you than DS1. If toys are an issue, would there be any way of demarcating what is whose with some of them, with a 'shared' pool? It's difficult when they like the same things.

Will have to do something.
We are in a 2 bed flat so space is limited.
I've been asking dp to put up shelves in their room. They have bunk beds and I want a shelf just above each bed so they can put a few things on there that the other one isn't allowed to touch. A special shelf for things they don't want to share or want the other to play with.

Dunno whether it'd also be an idea to see if there is any way I can put up temporary curtains around their beds so they can draw them to get a bit of privacy.......... Might have to look into it. Just get the hooks and wire that net curtains hang from and get short curtains for each section of bunk bed. I might have to screw hooks into the ceiling or something for the top bunk.
I've been thinking about it for a while.

Yes, the curtains and shelves sound like a good idea - a bit of space they can call their own.

Oh Gawd! Whilst the kids were bickering today they broke the TV screen! And we only realised hours later when we turned it on :(.

One is out at a birthday party & the other is only 3yo; neither of them probably realised what happened, even, since TV was off at the time and the outer layer isn't broken at all. One of them threw something at the TV, I'm sure, long forgotten what or who or why.

So much for the "Leave them to it!" school of thought. :(

Oh ragged little monkeys!