Your thoughts on sulking...

[SuckItAndSee]

dd1 (nearly 5) has evolved into something of a champion sulker. she can go on for eons.
DH and I have pretty different ideas on how this should be managed. I'd be interested to hear from people who have (at least partially) successfully addressed this with their DC.

Ignore it and let her sulk. I know if I'm sulking I prefer to come out of it by myself

Sorry, I read the title as 'skulking' and I thought this might be a thread about Andi McDowell

We found ignoring it worked best.

LOL at skulking. I can manage that, although Hugh Grant is not usually invited.

yup, you've guessed it. once of us wants to "jolly her out of it" and the other go for the total ignore option. Suffice to say, two different approaches at once is not proving productive.

Ignoring is a winner. I used to sing 'It's the end of the world as we know it' really cheerfully whenever mine were sulking and they'd either start laughing and snap out of it, or get cross. Lol. Amused me anyway.

I prefer sulking to tantrums....one of which my 7 year old is indulging in at the moment as she's lost her weekend treat of being able to listen to her music quietly for a bit in bed due to sillyness while getting ready for bed.

I have also talked to mine about what a bad effect sulking has on everyone else, and they have been on the receiving end from their older much-admired cousin. With one of mine this talk actually helped, and she was willing to sort of experiment with coming into the room in a cheerful or sulky state, and I would react to her.

Ignore ignore ignore. My 10.6 DD still occasionally has a face on her when something doesn't go the way she want it to.
Her longest bout of lipping was three hours.

Wanted to post because I hate sulking and think that is a really negative way of handling life's conflicts. Ex-dh was a champion sulker - whole days passed with him refusing to interact with me - so I'm teaching my dd that sulking achieves nothing and it is better for her (and me) that she tells me what the matter is - even if she is angry with me - because then we can resolve whatever the problem was. I just think that sulking is such a manipulative behavioural trait that it should be discouraged as much as possible.

Posted too soon: my dd started sulking at around the same age as your daughter, but talking about sulking, and how there are much more effective and positive ways to resolve conflicts has helped us and now she never sulks. She is pretty good at standing up for herself instead and putting her case forward but I don't see that as a bad thing.

Ignore.

And enjoy the peace you get while they sulk. Or is that just me?

I wholeheartedly agree with copenhagenmum and they way she is dealing with and has dlet with sulking.

5 years old is old enough to talk about behaviour and what to do and what not to do and why.

My DS is a rubbish sulker. He tries, but he's hopeless. I just do an impression of him with his lip out and he laughs and gives up.

I have sulkers in class at school and usually tell them to get over it and ignore them until they get bored. They always do. Sulking is a real effort.

thanks for your thoughts
basically, DH comes from a family where conflict is never raised, sulking is common, and the upshot is that people are often "in trouble" with others without really knowing why. Various members of his extended family haven't spoken for years over fairly trivial issues, due to no-one really being able to deal with conflict. He seems to find DD's sulking more acceptable than I do.

My family was much more shouty, as am I. i don't consider this a good thing, but i do feel that dd1 (and dh's) sulking is equally as aggressive and unacceptable as any brief shouty episodes I may have.

Ignore the sulking,

Ignore any sulking-some adults do it-ignore them too.
The funniest thing I find is with DCs in school. They obviously sulk at home and it gets them somewhere. If ignored at school they go off, generally put their head on their arms and then they have to keep lifting it to take a peek to see if anyone has noticed. If you take no notice, don't refer to it any way, they stop. I do have to stifle a smile-especially one 5yr old who used to go into a sulk with a performance worth an Oscar!

my ds1 3 years old tells me he's sulking if i ignore him! jolly good is my standard reply. i was a sulker, my mum ignored and it drove me nuts but worked.

My ds, just turned 2 sulks! He pulls the cutest face when doing so. I generally ignore it - I much prefer that to him having a tantrum... at least he's quiet when doing so :)

We have sulkers corner in my house, especially for my Nephew. He started sulking when he was about 3, mainly when he couldn't get his own way. I wwoud explain that sulky made everyone miserable and this wasn't allowed, so he could go and sit in the sulkers corner until he felt happier and wanted to come and join in a game with the rest of us.

Took about 5 or 6 visits to the sulkers corner before he stopped, but it worked a treat.

For some reason sulking really winds me up. I've no idea why, as they aren't even doing anything.

DS2 is much better now, but he could sulk for hours. His best was sulking all morning at school because I'd polished his shoes. He came out of his sulk when he wanted to go out to play at lunch time.

The teacher he had the following year wouldn't tollerate sulking and jollied him out of it, which seems the most effective thing to do with DS.

Apparently my grandfather could sulk for 3 days!

Oh gawd. Ignore it.

It is manipulation and cannot be rewarded.

If you do, you are teaching her that to sulk gets her what she wants.

Do you want to unleash a sulky woman on the world?

No. It is a most unattractive trait and best that she's trained out of it sooner rather than later.

Don't plead with someone to please stop sulking! Get on with your day in happy jolly fashion and let them sulk their arse off!

Pretend you haven't even noticed.

I also come from a family where no conflict was allowed. My parents still sulk rather than openly disagree, and then they will abruptly move on and all is swept under the carpet. I grew up thinking this was normal and definitely inflicted some sulks on poor DH in our early days. He was completely baffled by this as his family are more shouty open.

My dd had a tendency to sulk and play the martyr when she was younger - I would say to her (as she flounced out of the room usually) "please think about what you want and then come and talk to me nicely" and then I would ignore her. She came when ready - no amount of jollying worked, she had to feel she was in control of her mood.

I am often amazed at how some dcs succeed in manipulating their parents with sulking. Maybe the parents have a lot of guilt or something? My ds' friend does this a lot. Last time he was at our house was for my ds' birthday - he wanted some birthday cake and I said he could have some soon, but needed to wait a bit as we were going to play some games first. He looked at his mum who was torn between having to go along with what I said and not being able to say no to her pfb. She eventually repeated that he could wait, cue lippy face and "poor me" sulking in the corner. She literally went to pieces - ran over to him and started hugging him and apologising that he had to wait, then found a treat in her bag to "help him wait." At one point I swear he gave me a little triumphant grin. What a faker!

Don't allow him to jolly her out of it - that's the road to ruin.

I also do the 'talking about what the problem is and trying to resolve it' but if it's a simple sulk over something that wont be changed and I've run out of patience to discuss it further they get sent to their room until they're ready to lose the attitude. There's no need for anyone else's mood to be taken down.

If you 'jolly them out of it' they are getting attention for it and will grow up with the idea that if they sulk they will get their own way and continue as an adult. The only successful way is to completely ignore it. It seems a particularly stupid way to behave, I really can't see why anyone should be bothered.