What age would you let DC go to play/tea after school with families you don't know?

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My DS is just 5 has started reception this year in a new school where we don't know anyone, and has struck up a good friendship with another boy. His Dad has asked if my DS can come back with them to play and for tea after school. He says he will pick them both up after school and drop my DS off back after. My DS thinks this is great idea but I don't know this family from Adam and feel concerned about my DS going back to a house he doesn't know with a family we also don't know.

The only other friends' houses he would go to on his own, I have got to know the parents over a long period of time. Would it be rude of me to say I would like to come too? (it would mean me bringing my younger DD along as well).
What age would this sort of play date on their own with new families be acceptable in your view?

Thanks

You must have made judgements about him and the DC and by 5 yrs they should be able to go on their own. Why not make an excuse that he can't get there straight away and then you deliver him and see the house? Also pick him up. The main thing is does DS want to go?

LOL - secondary school - yr 7 for us

They will miss out a lot then QOD. I don't know what age they are but they will want to make their own friends and not have yours long before secondary and other parents will not want you there-having a DC home mneans they entertain each other and leave you free. At secondary you won't even see the friends parents so it is as well to be prepared earlier.

Yep DS definitely wants to go. Don't think it's because I am judging DC's. I just don't know anything about them - do they let DC's play out, do they let them watch DVD's I wouldn't, do they have dangerous dog etc etc? It's probably fine but 5 just seems rather young to go there on his own.

Oh that is a hard one isn't it? I used to do what exotics suggested and drop them off, go in with them, have a good look around etc.

It allows you to ensure that he is happy to stay there without you, and also gives you the opportunity to ask whether he needs to borrow your car seat to drop off your ds when he brings him home.

Does the friend have older siblings? If so the father may not even remember what a big deal playdates can be for -you- a first child. (Having been very protective of my ds1, I am much more relaxed about invitations for ds2 and his friends . . . .)

If you don't like the look as you go to drop off say 'Oh, terribly sorry we were just about to come around and x cropped up and we will have to leave it-perhaps your DS could come to us next week?' and take it from there.I expect you will find that it is perfectly OK.

I just let my 5yo ds do this for the first time yesterday. I was worried but let him go because I knew where they lived and had surreptitiously gone and had a look to make sure it looked ok and I've been chatting to the mum at the school gate for a while and I think we're on the same wavelength iyswim? It went really well. They watched a DVD and played with Lego and ds loved it.

i let dd aged 5 do this towards the end of reception but i took her to house (to see where they lived etc) and she only stayed 2 hours. I hated it but she loved it and now one year later i know all the parents and she has had/given many play dates

There isn't much that can happen in 2 hours. If there was a big dog you could say that he couldn't stay because he wasn't used to dogs.

Thanks - I think I will try the dropping him off at the house first approch. I think I'm a bit wary because I'd never even met the father before, let alone chatted to him at the school gates. I think he has got older siblings hence perhaps the family's more relaxed attitude.

Wow, I'm wondering whether I should feel embarrassed that my daughter started going on playdates on her own when she was 3 (almost 4) and at preschool.

In fairness, she is my youngest and well used to the concept of playdates. She is now 4 and in reception and it just wouldn't occur to me to invite the parent too, but I seem to think I did do that with DD1.

• She's in yr 8 already - in fairness (and in my defence) she went to a small village school and I knew everyone from her class and at least 1 parent by the time she was wanting to go without me. She did go alone but not to "strangers".

Since yr 7 she goes to "strangers" houses as she now goes to a school that has more girls in her year group than were in her entire primary

When you get to secondary you have the whole prospect of sleepovers at 'stranger's' houses, so it is a good idea to have worked up from tea.