Worried I may not be stimulating my dd enough?

[Lilismum]

This is the first time that I have posted here, although I have been 'lurking' around for some time reading the posts.
I have a dd who is nearly 6 months old and I am worried that I might not be offering her enough stimulation. Every morning when we get up (at 7) I give her her bottle and breakfast then she generally just sits in her highchair or plays in her walker while I tidy up, get her next bottles ready etc, then she if off for her nap. I generally take her for a walk once she gets up again but then it is bottle and lunch then she is just basically back to bed. I try and do things with her in the afternoon, but I feel guilty about the morning time that I have wasted. I can't seem to leave doing the tidying (dishes, hoovering etc) as I never can be bothered to do it once she is in bed (she sleeps so well, 7pm - 7am which i know is really good, so it is just me being lazy not doing it a night). Also I like to make tea ready for my dp, he works in a job he hates and I feel so bad for him so I like everything to be done and nice when he gets home. Am I being cruel to my baby? Should I just put up with the mess and spend more time with her? Sorry this is so long and rambling, I hope someone understands what I am trying to say.

Don't worry, do you talk to her while you wash bottles etc? Can you just put her on the floor with a pile of toys, pasta in bottles and so on? She's big enough to go on swings and swimming now, so perhaps you could do these for a change. babies get stimulation from all sorts of things so as long as you caht to her and spend time playing when she's in the bath and so on, she's fine.

As for tidying when she's in bed, don't. it's exhausting when you're at home and if your DH is unhappy at the moment I'll bet he'd raher you were there for a chat and a cuddle.

I knew a couple of mums (part of a group) who were very intent on stimulating their babies, used sing in unison very loudly when we had get togethers at other people's houses etc, etc. Their kids are no more advanced/easier than everyone else's. DD spent most of her 1st 9 months plonked under a baby-gym or n a walker with a few toys as I was revising for my finals. She's perfectly well-adjusted/developed and very adept at entertaining herself, which is a real blessing.

Don't worry, do you talk to her while you wash bottles etc? Can you just put her on the floor with a pile of toys, pasta in bottles and so on? She's big enough to go on swings and swimming now, so perhaps you could do these for a change. babies get stimulation from all sorts of things so as long as you caht to her and spend time playing when she's in the bath and so on, she's fine.

As for tidying when she's in bed, don't. it's exhausting when you're at home and if your DH is unhappy at the moment I'll bet he'd raher you were there for a chat and a cuddle.

I knew a couple of mums (part of a group) who were very intent on stimulating their babies, used sing in unison very loudly when we had get togethers at other people's houses etc, etc. Their kids are no more advanced/easier than everyone else's. DD spent most of her 1st 9 months plonked under a baby-gym or n a walker with a few toys as I was revising for my finals. She's perfectly well-adjusted/developed and very adept at entertaining herself, which is a real blessing.

Are you me? Sounds exactly what I used to do when on maternity leave. I always had grand plans which went by the wayside as something always crops up. I still feel the same way now sometimes as dd doesn't go to nursery when I am at work (mil has her) and sometimes I think that is why she hasn't crawled/walked yet (she is 1) or that I am doing something wrong. I think a guilt hormone gets implanted whilst on the maternity ward.

You sound like you are doing just fine...sleeping through baby at 6 months?? Are you Gina Ford?

lilismum, I don't think little babies need an entertainment program as such and find it interesting enough to watch you as you go about the house work, particularly if you're chatty enough to provide a running commentary. Having said that, it's probably not so good to have your dd sitting in her high chair or the walker for long periods of time - maybe you could put her down on the floor more? Also, babies your dd's age enjoy looking at books and it's never too early to start reading with your child. Doesn't take long and will make you feel virtuous. Short nursery rhymes with actions (i.e. 'round and round the garden', that kind of thing) are also much loved by little babies and take seconds to do.
I do all the housework during the day, too. Evenings are for relaxation.

I read to my baby every single day - still do. That way I felt I had done my bit in a way we both absolutely loved and enjoyed and I didn't feel guilty the rest of the time. Agree with putting her on the floor if she's happy there. I did have a couple of regular things I did - a music group and baby massage which also kept guilt at bay if for the rest of the time I was in a cafe drinking coffee and reading the paper.Books are great, you don't have to go out, you can sit down and it only takes ten minutes to read several! Also, mornings do go quickly when you have a morning nap and an early lunchtime. Don't stress - you say you do stuff in the afternoon and that's fine.

Thank you all so much for your comments, they've made me feel so much better.
My dd has just learned to roll over on her belly and she can't get back around again so I really only play with her on the floor in the afternoons when I can sit with her properly. She can nearly sit up on her own so once she can manage that I think I will feel a bit better, as she already has too many toys (very adoring grand-parents!). She is probably in her high-chair and walker for about 20mins tops each, but she's really good and seems to like playing with her toys then (she is very fond of a plastic spoon at the moment). Although I do talk to her the whole time and make her giggle I just feel guilty that I'm not actually 'playing' with her.
My dp does in no way expect anything to be done for him coming home and he is really good at doing chores too at the weekends but I like to have everything done so I can just be with him at nights, we waited a long time to have a baby and selfishly I still like to have time when its just the two of us with nothing to do.
I also read to her every night after her bath, sometimes she seems to like it but most of the time she just wants to eat the book!
Marialusia the singing thing made me laugh, I think my baby would cry if me and my friends sang loudly at her! and your last 2 sentences really made helped, you must be amazing to have done finals as well as have a baby.
Thank you again

Oh, and yes oliveoil I am a Gina Ford mum (is that a bad thing to say?), although still having problems with the 2 hr nap at lunchtime! As she is my first baby I felt I really needed to have something to help me, as I've really no idea what I'm doing. I wonder if the guilt chip ever leaves or whether there will always be something to feel guilty about? (I imagine it will be massive when I go back to work)

Sorry this is so long again.

I think your doing plenty enough so dont worry! Reading every day is excellent and will always be a special time for both of you. I agree with the reading makes you feel virtuous!

I know what you mean about they are only just up and fed when its time to go to bed again, dont worry! When naps lessen and she is awake most of the day there will be plenty of time for entertaining and toys, she is a little sponge at the moment getting stimulation from everything around her.

I think guilt is definitely part of the programme now. Gina Ford helped me through my finals, I was determined that DD would sleep and luckily she obliged!

Sounds entirely reasonable to want to "clock off" after a 12 hour day to me. I'm a little confused as she does such great day sleeping why the bottles etc. couldn't be done then, but I'm sure there is something I've missed (possibly this is when you do your hoovering.)Even then I think its healthy for babies to play by themselves for a while each day, everyone needs time to do their own thing and she will soon let you know if she wants you to join in. My mornings totally disappear too, but I have a few more hours to kill in the afternoon as ds has never slept for more than 2 1/2 hours in total in the day. I started writing down what ds does in a day, and was surprised at how many different activities we pack in without trying. I count everything, including car rides and supermarket shopping as everything is interesting to a baby.

Every child needs some independent time - you can't be playing with them all the time. I give dd napy off time rolling around o the floor every morning. I do swim and sing (sometimes) but not a lot else. I try andget out and about with her so at least she sees different things

Lilismum - make the most of it. some children are generally more placid and less demanding - if she is unhappy sitting in her chair watching you she will certainly let you know. There is plenty to stimulate a baby of this age just looking around at things. It's a blessing to have a contented baby at this age - ds2 was like this, ds1 was a nightmare!

Once she gets mobile, and soon starts communicating, I'm sure she will be a lot more demanding of your attention, and also a lot more fun to play with.

Hi Lilismum - didn't write much before and I came back to see if anyone had any insoiration (my dd is the same age) - sounds like we're all the same. Hard isn't it?

Lilismum, I felt EXACTLy the way you do when my DD was 6 months old. Part of it is my personality - I was constantly trying to 'multitask'. Also, frankly at that age, when I tried to 'read' to DD, she would attempt to eat the books. At that point, I had to put all the books away, as she actually cut her gums on one of the board books! My friends who had little ones were all reading to their babies, and I felt so guilty! Now DD is 19 months, and I read to her all the time, and she loves books. At 6 months, I really don't think there's a lot you do other than what you are already diong. She sounds like a very pleasant baby, and you are very lucky to be having a peaceful time with her now.

Lilismum, I think you're doing pretty well, myself! We've got this thing in our heads that says being at home isn't work and so we should be doing more. That, and the guilt-hormones. The first year or so with a baby is a lot of work; I really admire mums who manage to combine being at home with work or study. I used to criticise myself like you do for 'not doing enough', but the truth is that there just isn't a lot of time between feeds, naps, chores etc, especially if you GF and the routine times are important. If you're interacting with your dd so that she responds and is happy, if you give her things that interest her (even a spoon!), if she gets a change of scene every day, then you're giving her exactly what she needs. The only thing I would suggest is to go to a group thing once or twice a week, where she - and you - can spend time with other people. And I think you're absolutely right to make some 'me time' for yourself and your dp - that is easily as important as 'stimulating' your dd.

Thanks to everyone again, I have started this week getting up a bit earlier than her so I can get the bottles and hoovering done (think I am a hoover-addict, I just HAVE to do it ever day, how sad!).
There is a playschool thing in our village hall once a week so I was thinking once she was 6months to start to take her there, more for her as I'm not too good at doing the whole 'how does she sleep/feed thing', also I'm really poor at going places I've never been before on my own but I am going to make the effort!
Had her swimming yesterday, she really didn't look either that impressed or unimpressed, very nonchalant actually but hopefully she will start to enjoy it.
I do feel much less guilty now though and I know how lucky I am to have such a contented wee lass, she is such a lovely baby thats why I want to do everything right.

Just wanted to add that I feel that I don't spend enough time with ds (7months). DD was a very difficult baby, she was never happy to lie or sit and when she could sit she wanted to crawl etc. I spent the first year rocking, singing, playing with her constantly until she walked at 11 months and became slightly easier.
Ds is totally different he is very placid, happy just to lie and 'watch' the tv or roll from side to side, grabbing at the toys strewn by the side of him. Have managed to convince myself that it is because I don't spend enough time with him that he doesnt roll over completly (he did it once ages ago but never again) He can sit but still loses his balance but because he is such a sicky baby still I don't tend to encouage him to sit unless it's close to bath time!
DD is still very demanding of my time (naturally she is only 22monhs now) and I feel awfull that ds doesn't get as much attention.
Sorry I'm not really helping, just rambling on about how I feel! Sounds like you've made some positive changes for both of you Lilismum

Well done lilismum, it sounds like a great week! Please come round and hoover my house any time!

With ds we got into the habit of doing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen and preparing all the bottles together after supper and it was quite nice because it still 'together-time' and a chance to chat even if we weren't actually relaxing.

BTW, I'm not that good at taking my own advice: last week I took dd to a m&b group for the first time - she's 10 months old.

Ames, I am quite certain that unless they are physically prevented from doing things, 'encouraging' children to roll, sit etc does not accelerate their development at all, and even if it did, would it matter if they did something a few weeks earlier than otherwise? After all we're talking about a few weeks in a life of 80plus years! Some babies are just a little more solitary than others, I'm sure, just as some adults are.