'you don't look disabled' uuurrrgggghhhhhhhhhh what can you say

[chobbler]

New school (second day) new playground whisperings, parents not the kids.

There is one wheelchair bound grandparent being pushed around the playground, and me, shuffle crutch woman. There is only one disabled space...

Now I didn't say anything in the playground to anyone about my illness, it was however put on the application form for school so they know about DD's occasional carer role at home. I have a 'gimme space for my door' sticker on the car but nothing else.

I managed to take DD out trick or treating yesterday only because of the frequent stopping. I should have taken my crutches but took the, elderly walks dead slow, dog instead. There was one parent in the group whispering to her friends something while looking at me, then I heard 'doesn't look disabled.' At this point my heart sank.

We stayed with them but they kept walking faster, no way I could keep up, and I was in agony and exhausted after half an hour, so we came home. I went to bed early and spent most of the night unable to sleep, painkillers wouldn't touch the pain. I could barely stand/move today.

Today I got to school early to get a space close to the gates, couldn't get one so let DD walk herself in and watched from the car. When it came to collection I was able to get the disabled space by arriving very early, determined to use my crutches as little as possible, I shuffled into the playground sat and waited for DD to come out.

And again I hear mutterings about my car being in so and so's space and how I was just lazy. I was sitting on so and so's bench etc, the same parent as yesterday. I don't want a battle, questions or misplaced pity, I would just like the subject to be left alone. Is it really too much to ask?

And yes I will be tripping certain people with my crutches if I get half a chance

I have AS, I don't look disabled, have an IQ in the top 2% of the country but most shopping trips and meals out leave me in tears or a panic attack. Disability is not one size fits all!

I have AS, mobility problems, PTSD and severe Dyspraxia among my many problems. I can't drive but have a bus pass and the amount of times I've been told I should move out of the disabled seats on the bus just because an older person has got on and had to move further back the bus is horrendous. I usually point to the signs, which round here mainly say 'priority seats for disabled people' to which I have often got 'but you're not disabled' I pull out my pass and then say 'I may not look disabled but I am.' Depending on what I'm wearing and who is with me I have been known to add 'Just the same as you don't look stupid but you obviously are.' (I have to be careful as sometimes I wear a very recognisable uniform). And it's just as bad on the train even though I have a disabled rail card

holiday mummy I feel for you! I get the same I have rulers Danlos syndrome and we'll as intestinal failure (both invisible illnesses) and I always get this! like you I use crutches all the time and wheelchair occasionally but sometimes better on my crutches than other days and I always get do you even need those crutches really frustrates me that people that don't know your story ( and even ones that do) feel the need to make whispers about how you don't look I'll and that it can't be that bad! my answer is lucky you to actually think thatcause that clearly means they don't have many invisi illnesses in there family which is why they are so small minded. try to educate rather than get angry, though trust me, I know its hard! my partner cares for me and lg ask am not always well and sometimes can't even lift her yet he always gets the comment when are you getting a job then?` he has a job! he's a carer! oOo you have set me off now ;)

Turn your illness/disability to your adanvantage

I'm a 53 year old and have fibromyalgia for 15 years. It ocurred during the pregnancy. My daughther is now 15. But it has been a big 'fight' to have anyone believing me. From doctors to husband nobody believed me. I suffered for about 10 years. Doctors said it was in my head. One even said I was mad. I struggled so much to look after my daught, trying to do a normal life and go back to work. After being dignosed I tried physiotherapy that was available, (none) it was only try this and that, I decided to go for swimming which worked for some time. I then decided to finish my music studies, mostly on my won and am now teaching piano at home. But have to be very careful, I'm not able to work full time, I work a coulpe of hours a day. It's not enough to have a job. I turned my illness/disability to my advantage. I have much pain every day but learnt how to manage my condition. Of course my illness is 'invisible' as it is called which is part of the problem.

I had an accident & now I need crutches or on a good day, a walking stick to walk. I used to run, ski, hike, cycle & swim, but I can't do any of those things now.
I cried buckets when I got my blue badge, it was acknowledging that I wasn't going to get better. This is despite being told by 2 people how lucky I was
FWIW, I hate not being able to run across a field, drive a geared car, take a step without it hurting, get a night's sleep because of the pain. The blue s#dding badge is not worth it.

Say very sweetly, 'Oh thankyou.' Then much less sweetly 'or were you being unbelievably rude?'

My own bloody mother calls disabled spaces 'cripple parking'. Yes, even when she is with me.

Turn the other cheek.

I find it annoying when people use it as a compliment 'Oh, you manage so well that you don't look disabled!' It's only a compliment if you think that having a disability is shameful, and therefore it's admirable to not look like you have one.

I think people realise it's not a compliment to say 'Oh, you don't look black/gay/female'. So it's time for them to stop with the disability 'praise' too.

Luckily (? - some days I could do with one) I don't have a blue badge so don't have to go through that.
However, I have mobility problems that vary from quite minor (little limp) to pretty bad (legs giving way, drugged up). The amount of people who tut that I use the lift at work... I work on the 3rd floor ffs. I know I don't look as if I have any problems but if you'd like some of my pain you can seriously have it!
I'm going to use some of these comebacks though!