Should we go cold turkey with potty training? Nursery say yes...

[Hopefully]

DS1 is 3.1 yrs, and I'm really unsure on where to go with his potty training.

After a complete disaster trying (very gently) to potty train him a few months ago, we've been reluctant to push him, but in the past week he's been choosing to wear pants occasionally and had one or two wees in the potty (as well as about the same number of accidents). Yesterday he went to nursery in pants and had an accident, and today he said that he wanted to go in a nappy.

When I got there and mentioned it, his key worker said it was best to just go cold turkey on the nappies and made it clear that they think it's in the child's interests to be in nappies all the time or in pants - this wasn't a pressured 'he must be potty trained' thing at all, nursery are v relaxed about it.

Thing is, with the stress of the last potty training attempt and the fact that I'm not 100% certain he's ready (although the only way to be 100% certain seems to be to go for it and see if works), I'm reluctant to force him to wear pants all the time. However, not giving him the choice and sending him in nappies to nursery whether he wants to or not is hardly going to build his confidence either!

So, do I keep him in nappies even longer, go cold turkey on the nappies and keep him in pants (and how long for if it doesn't seem to be a success? A week? 2 weeks?), ignore nursery advice, force him to wear pants to nursery, force him to wear nappies to nursery?

Help!

I'd try pants only for a week. If you see improvement, then keep with it. If not, go back to nappies for a while.

How many days is he in nursery?

We did it this way on the recommendation of the nursery. Dd soon learnt that wet pants were not nice. It took about a week.

Thanks for the replies!

He is at nursery 3 mornings a week.

Do we think a week of cold turkey is the way to go then? I suppose it's the only way to see if he's able to manage...

I firmly believe with kids it's all about consistency and I think pants only or nappies only (sleeps aside) is the clearest and easiest thing for kids to get their heads around.

There is a potty training part of Mumsnet, with loads of threads on that might be helpful too?

I think it depends on your attitude to it...

Having recently been through it, I found some people think 'they'll do it when they are ready and will let us know' and others 'I know they can do it, so will 'help' them along'..

I was the latter...

Seriously cold turkey worked for us - I took control and ditched the nappies 100% - couple of grim episodes and now at 2.6 fully toilet trained with pull ups on at night as a precaution.

Wouldn't use nappies even at night time - use pull ups and call them 'night pants' or something - the lying down and 'being a baby' thing with nappies I think sent the wrong signals and he held his poo in until night nappy went on so left him completely bare bum in bed for a night or two to get over that hurdle too...

Is he bare bum at home??.. I think that is always the best place to start.. and then gradually introduce underpants.. I wouldn't be switching between pants/nappies...

Oh and bribes help loads!!!!

I think you need to decide on where you stand... in his own time or in your time and then commit to it... I gave myself 2 weeks and if no significant improvement was prepared to admit I was wrong and leave it... thankfully within a week I knew I'd done the right thing and now feel so 'liberated' and free from nappies.. yey

Go for it... prepare for accidents... don't give mixed signals and GOOD LUCK!!

After an abortive attempt when ds was about 2.6 and we found one problem was he couldn't pull trousers or pants up and down, we practiced trousers a bit and then went cold turkey around 2.11 when we suspected he could do it but didn't want to.
I told him his nappies were getting too small (unexpected drawback of lovely washables - he loved them and liked choosing what colour to wear) and it was time for Pants. After some grumping round Mothercare he said they had to be Thomas the Tank Engine pants... which luckily Mothercare sell! Still used disposables at night-time.
The first week was a bit hellish but we praised him loads and gave him lots of attention and read stories when he sat on the potty, and promised treats if he managed a wee or a poo in it. By the end of the week he realised that nursery and MrNC and I were all agreed he didn't have a choice and week 2 pretty much cracked it (and by the end of 20 days ticked off on his scooter chart he was a potty expert - only two days didn't get counted when he tried refusing the potty.)

Lots of stickers and chocolate buttons. Have to admit I was rather glad he'd just gone from 3 to 4 days at nursery when we did it! :) But this time it was clearly him being annoyed at having to do it, rather than actually distressed, which is why we aborted the plan the first time.

Potty training is so difficult... especially when they don't really have the vocab or the will to get out of nappies.

I think the thing that is important is consistency. I know it is going to be a bind, but the only thing that worked for my DS was to get him to choose some 'big boy pants' (the stuff with the elastic waistband and legs) and to insist (not force) him to wear them during the day and have nappies to sleep in.

It also depends what he wants to do - I couldn't get my son to use the potty - he wanted to use our toilet and do his business sitting down like his big sister ...

Good luck!

Thanks for all replies! On phone but will read, digest and reply properly later.