I have to hurt my beloved son every day. Reassure me he won't hate me...

[herbaceous]

Hi there

This is a bit of a niche problem, but I hope someone with similar experience can reassure me.

My DS (2.4) is blind in one eye. This eye is also small, and will never grow any bigger, so he has to wear a cosmetic shell over it both for appearance's sake, and to ensure the eye socket grows at the same rate as the other one.

We got the shell last week, and are now in the process of 'wearing it in' - he's wearing it for a few hours each day. As you can imagine, getting it in (and to a lesser extent, out) is pretty hideous. He cries and writhes, and says 'all gone...' in a heartbreaking way. Once the eye's in, he's fine, and seems to forget all about it.

This has got to go on for years, until he can do it himself.

I'm not quite sure how best to manage it. Do I reward him each time, with a chocolate button, sticker, or whatever, or just get on with it and make it seem like it's part of the daily routine, like changing his nappy or having a bath?

And will he hate me? He's too young to understand that it's for his own good, so must wonder why his mummy, who loves him so much, is doing it to him.

It must be like this for babies with diabetes, who have to be injected every day.

Anyone with similar experience, or advice?

I had a baby with diabetes. Now I have a preschooler with diabetes. I feel your pain! My approach is to be quite matter of fact, because unpleasant though it is ,it has to be done. But at the same time I also do my best to acknowledge her feelings, especially on days where she's struggling with it all. So I might say "yes, I know you don't want it (needle in our case), so lets just do it quickly now so it's all finished." I also try to give her as much control as possible (not sure what's possible for you in your situation) so she might choose where she wants the needle to go, or which finger she wants to test, or helps me set up all the equipment for a cannula change. We've been doing all this multiple times a day for 2.5 years now and she doesn't hate me yet! She's still a gorgeous, loving, happy & cuddly little girl. Does that help at all?

Have no experience so arguably am completely unqualified to answer, but Gosh no he won't hate you, and my instinct would be to make it as normal as possible (ie) no chocolate. Easier said than done though, I'm sure I'd want to reward my child after what must be a wholly unpleasant experience. As you are only a week in it's bound to be quite traumatic, but I bet he is able to do it himself much more quickly than you would imagine.

Thanks ladies. Logically I know that he won't know any different, that it will just be an everyday part of life for him, and just like brushing his teeth - tedious but necessary - but it just goes so much against my instincts, as it would anyone's, that it's going to be hard for a bit.

He's such a jolly, trusting boy, I just hate kind of abusing that trust.

Brushing teeth is a good analogy actually. Loads of children really, really hate having their teeth brushed. My DS2 was one of them. I ended up having to pin him down twice a day to get it done. Now he tolerates but doesn't exactly enjoy having them done, which I guess is the same place your son needs to get to with his eye shell. DS2 screamed, cried, said heartrending things, etc but in the end those teeth just had to be brushed and he accepted that eventually. No sign of hatred yet (am awaiting the teenage years!). I think the matter of fact, no rewards but plenty of praise approach is probably the best long term, not least because it makes the whole thing less of a big deal.

Not quite the same but my DD2 has to have an injection every evening.

She's very accepting of it and doesn't hate me! It's become a part of her routine, like putting on her pyjamas or brushing her teeth.

I wouldn't bribe/reward him with chocolate etc but make it more matter-of-fact, as when it boils down to it it's non-negotiable really. Lots of cuddles though

Thanks all. Our current technique is to get him settled, reading his books or looking at CBeebies, sit him on a lap, do the eye (while saying how we know he doesn't like it, but it will all be over soon), then give him a kiss and a cuddle. Within five seconds he's gone back to his book or song. Trauma seems minimal!

Brilliant news. Hope it continues to go well.

Sounds like you're getting on top of doing it already. With us it's physio. My approach is to do it at the same times each day in the same places in the same order. Thinking that he knows it's coming and whats next / how close to being done he is etc.... Has got (slightly) easier over the years (3 and a bit years in). Also balance it out with lots of kisses and cuddles etc.... Makes it easier for him to cope with when other people work "on" him too as he's used to it all to a certain degree.