Do we need to make the 'minority' language the language of the house?

[latrucha]

We live in the UK. DH is Spanish. I speak English with th DC (3.10 and 15 months) and he speaks Spanish. DH and I speak mainly English.

DD went through a stage where she definitely decided English was the language to speak. She understands both but really only wants to speak English.

We want DCs to be bilingual. Do we need to make Spanish the language of the house in order for this to happen? DH and I try to, but we always lapse to English out of habit (we knew each other a long time before DCs) .

My Spanish is ok but not fluent. I would make mistakes and be limited in what I wanted to say.

It would be helpful, I'm sure, but in our house we all speak English to each other, DP speaks English to DD, I speak Polish to her, DS speaks a mixture of English and French, we live in France and yet DD's Polish is very good-but then I've stayed at home with her til recently so maybe it depends on how much time she spends with your DH.

cat64 - I probably should have searched before posting. I'm sure it would make a difference. I'm wondering how well they will speak Spanish if we don't.

winnybella - I think the difference is that I'm in the home and DH goes to work. He sees them mainly in the mornings before work and at the weekend. I think if I was the Spanish speaker, there wouldn't be too much of a problem.

IME it is normal for the school and the play languages, if different, to become dominant, that doesn't mean that the child is not bilingual.
If your spanish is not that good it probably won't help the family dynamic and it will be a hassle. Also you can be fluent with a dreadful accent and thta won't help either.
If your DH speaks only spanish to the children, it doesn't matter what is the family language. You and DH can speak english together and your DH only addresses the DCs in spanish, translating what he's just said to you if needed.
Can you get to a playgroup in spanish, so your children can play with spanish children?
Also TV and DVDs in spanish help a lot.
IME the minority language disappear around 2.5/3 and comes back around 5 or 6.

That's interesting. It was then that DD very definitely went through a phase of making up her mind and choosing English. DH is a bit down about it.

I have known people who have had good results with different approaches: minority language at home/one parent one language/a mixed approach. Ime the most important factor, whatever approach you choose, is to ensure that there is enough exposure.

We have managed to do well with a mixed approach- children now in secondary so the experiment can safely be evaluated- despite the fact that dh has an atrocious Swedish accent, but I think that has depended on being able to provide plenty of exposure to Swedish: summer and Christmas holidays spent in Sweden, close contact with Swedish cousins, large collection of Swedish books and DVDs. And the fact that we do speak a lot of Swedish at home. If we had been regularly tempted to stop speaking Swedish I think we would have had to have stricter rules- or accept a lower level of bilingualism.

You are right also that it is easier to keep the minority language if it is the mother's tongue.
But exposure and fun do help keep the language. I would stop cbeebies (if you do let them) and put on only spanish DVDs instead, and dad reading spanish books only at bedtime. Also some radio, spanish nursery rhymes CDs.
Different approches work for different families.
Tell your DH not to worry as long as you don't give up spanish yourselves it will resurfaced.

I have 3 nephews/neice who live in France - English father, French mother.

With the eldest, they spoke exclusively English at home on the basis that he would be exposed to french outside the home, esp at school. When he started school. or nusery (or whatever the first stage is there) he was fluent in English but a bit more hesitant in French. They are worried that this made him less confident when he started school and this held him back a bit, both socially and academically. They acknowledge though that it may just be his perosnality.

With the second, the dad spoke English to him and the mother French and parents spoke to each other in both languages. No problems at school (although maybe just becuase he is a naturally more confident boy) and these days no noticeable difference in the English abilities of the 2 boys (at 12 and 10 they both can read Harry Potter in both languages with no discernable difference in speed)

With the youngest (bit of an age gap), the 2 brothers would always speak to her in French, and although her dad will speak to her in English, she is predominantly exposed to French at home. At 6 her English is much less good than her brothers' was at that age, and she refuses to speak it unless forced by being with people (like us!) who can't speak French well. I have similar aged DC and she does speak English with them (with a bit of sign language/gesturing thrown in!), so still in a much better position than my DC who dont speak another language (eldest now learning French at school)

SO they would say route 2 was the best one, although with younger children the older ones may not give you choice! All of them have watched a lot of English TV/DVDs which has def helped.