New baby and my ds2 finding it hard

[MamaMaiasaura]

I have 3 dc, ds1 (11) ds2 (3y10m) and dd (10 days). Since bringing dd home (when she was 2/3 hours old), ds2 has not gone near her really. Ds2 was still nursing at night to sleep but stopped from when dd born. He doesn't want to sit next to me if I'm holding her. We used to have lots if cuddles and very tactile but tho I know cuddles are prob what he needs he is rejecting me. I've not made a big deal and and dh on paternity leave so is there for him too. Also ds1 been amazing and playing lots with ds2 over half term. I miss ds2 and feel bad for him because I know he misses how things were. When dd sleeping etc I make sure I spend time with ds2, although this is interupted should dd want bfing, but I latch her on and try to continue with ds2. But if I'm reading a book for example he will no longer want to be next to me as Jessica is on mummy :(

He's also pushing boundaries and I'm remaining consistent as feel it's important to maintain them for his security and our sanity

Hi - I felt I really should reply to this as I went through a very similar thing - my dd was almost 3 when dd2 was born. She was ok with the baby on her own but she completely rejected me, I couldn't even go near her to put her pyjamas on or read her a story, even when the baby was in another room. I was so upset and felt like I had lost my relationship with her. But I tried to always smile and be loving (even when I was boiling with anger at her rejection) and just kept on trying to do things with her (which is really exhausting cos when the baby sleeps you want to rest!) and eventually she came round.
I know what you meant when you say I miss ds2 - I was so sad about that and almost regretted not leaving a bigger age gap. But eventually everything did go back to normal, your son will come round, I'm sure!

Justonemorethread - thank you for replying. It's reassuring to know that it went back to normal for you and dd1. The one thing im glad hasn't changed is cosleeping as he still snuggles in his sleepiness up to me, so I have dd in cot or on left of me and ds2 on the right (dh snoring on sofa )

Sounds like you need a bigger bed! Good luck, what a brave decision to go up to 3 children, once I'd had my second I knew I was done!

I have 2 dd's, dd1 is 4 and dd2 is 10 weeks old now. dd2 arrived 2 weeks before dd1 started reception at school. It has been a horrible couple of months, dd1 has been such a different girl, she went from being loving, cuddly, talkative to tearful, moody, reclusive and downright naughty!

I am sure it has all come as a big shock to her starting school and a new sibling but her reaction shocked both myself and my husband, even grandparents picked up on complete change of personality. I felt so upset that she must have thought her whole world had changed. Anyway the last 2 weeks we have seen a lot more of the old dd1, it has been so hard to be patient and keep smiling when she has pushed us so hard but she is coming round and I am hoping it will keep getting better.

Apple - that sounds so hard, thankful that ds2 was settled in preschool. Glad that your dd1 is starting to come around. I think I'd been a bit naive on how ds2 would react as we were so so close. Having said that he's making small steps and starting to forget I'm holding dd and coming up for cuddle then registers she's there and scarpers, bless him x

Aw, bless ds2!

Congrats to you

I read on here (I think) or maybe heard on R4 or something that a new baby (to the sibling) is a bit like an adult moving in their new lover and expecting their spouse to just get on and accept it... enormously hard!

All the boundary pushing etc sounds really normal

He WILL come round, soon enough. It sounds like you're doing everything you should be doing anyway

Wow I'd not looked at it like that, bless him x