Struggling to find like minded mamas! Any hippies/crunchies out there?

[MoochinMama]

Hiya,

I'm a mum of a one year old boy and have spend the last year trying to find like minded people by going to playgroups/mum and toddler groups but to no avail!

I'm not a complete hippy but like to think that I am down to earth and try and keep my parenting simple by using baby carriers, cloth nappies and second hand clothing.

I also never leave my son to "cry it out" as everyone seems to word it. I believe he has a certain intelligence and will only cry when he needs something. Even if that something is only a hug and a bit of comfort. Most of the mums I have met so far have been going back to work, sticking to routines and letting their children go "cold turkey" with breastfeeding/bottle feeding/waking in the night etc.

I find this really hard to be around as I have been given the reputation of being really "soft" and feel like a square peg in a round hole with the other mums.

Anyone else out there feel the same?

I hear you MoochinMama. All the baby type things I go to everyone talks about controlled crying and so on. Fine if they want to do that, their child is not my responsibility but I don't really want to hear about it :( Also, as someone who is KNACKERED (single mum, 4 month old. NOT sleeping through!) I don't want to hear about how someone got their 3 day old sleeping for 12 hours a night by letting them cry it out! [hgrin]

I would love to find a good AP group I could go to, AFAIK LLL don't have a group in Sheffield where I am unfortunately. I go to a sling meet though, is there anything like that near you? Whether you use slings or not, you could go as an interested "civilian" and see where it takes you :)

What I would say though, "mummies" can be competitive whatever their parenting choices. The last thing you need is people arguing over how natural they are or being judged for not being as alternative as you "should" be. I got an "Oh! A dummy... "

I would love to find a group of nice, normal, laid back, hippy leaning parents who I could hang out with and talk about normal stuff. Fingers crossed!

try yahoo groups as well as other links on here, also nct (not the antenatal groups but the people who run them) - they probably know a whole ton of lentil weavery parents

Natural Mamas is good for that conversation.

Do be wary of writing people off just because they don't fit 'exactly'. I'm one of the more lentil-weavery types in my group, but not only do I have friends who do things in the complete opposite way to me, but while I use slings, still bf, co-sleep etc, I've also had to go back to work - no choice about it! I would be frustrated to be written off by someone just for that. It is really great to talk to like-minded people (and I do think you'll enjoy Natural Mamas, for example), but you can also have a lot of fun with people who have different outlooks.

I agree with the others suggesting sling meets and LLL groups. I actually think it is important to find other hippy mummies! I do things differently to a lot of my new mum friends and sometimes I just need support from people who think like me. E.g. I want to complain about the fact that my co-sleeping baby wakes every 2 hours and I want reassurance and sympathy, practical ideas on how to make it easier, I don't want to be told to put him in a cot to CIO, and I appreciate advice from people who are generally thinking along the same lines as me. So don't give up your search!

Such a huge response.. wow!

I feel I may have, in the written word, caused offence where it was not meant with some of the replies. I have a group of mummy friends who I see on a regular basis that parent very differently to me and have an age range from 19-44 years old and some are working full time, some are part time and some have never worked! :) I in no way shun the friends that I have made, or judge their choices. All are very different in character, and so are their children. I believe that no one has a text book baby and that their mum will always know best.

My post was merely to gain advice on how to find people who may be doing a similar parenting way to my own and to be able to chat and to swap advice regarding those choices. To those who have helped me with this, I thank you.

The Farnham NCT I will have to look at and Sling meets? didn't know they existed!! Coolies!!

Hi there!

You sound quite similar to ms in some ways. I think the rest of my NCT group think I'm a little strange. My DD is a little younger at 6 months.

Also using cloth nappies & mainly second hand clothing. I love the idea of a sling but sadly DD hates it! Started doing BLW then sadly had to drop it on the advice of Paeds who DD is under for poor weight gain.

We are in odiham, very close to you, let me know if you fancy a coffee.

As a few others have said, I would try 7 keep an open mind about other mums who do thing differently to you. One of my closest baby friends co-sleeps, extended bf, baby wearing, cloth nappies etc non of which I do/did and we get on brilliantly. Not an obvious pairing & my first instinct (probably hers too) wasn't oooh she's my type of girl (white wine intake is my usual nod to solidarity whereas she's teetotal ) but we gradually got to know each other within a group and 6 years on still meet regularly with our DC.

I?m another one who thinks you are maybe being a bit closed minded I?m afraid. I work ft but am still bf my cloth nappy wearing blw?d 14m old ds and am as at the no routine end of the spectrum as you can be when you work ft.

Working does not make you a cio routine wielding freak

To be fair I think OP has made it clear that she has a wide circle and enjoys the variety but that, just occasionally, would not like to feel like the misfit.

OP I feel the same way!!

I'm with Cosmosis. Shame we don't live nearer you OP as I am a co-sleeping, breastfeeding (full-time working) mum of a 14-month old who would never try crying it out as I simply don't think it's for me. And my child was in a sling EVERYWHERE until he got too heavy and almost broke my back.

I have met lots of people through NCT and local libraries and we all have different parenting styles. Maybe it is sheer luck that I haven't met any openly judgey types. I respect those people who use routines of any sort that work for them; meanwhile they say "oh that would never work for you and mini Rubyroo" as they know who I am. Nobody has ever suggested I let my son CIO as they know that I would be unable to do that.

I discuss bf with the ones that do, sleep with the other mums with sleep issues and overall, I've found people's personalities and willingness to ask each other for advice or confide fears unite us more than one parenting style. For me, the hippy mama mindset is about being interested in other people and open to new ideas rather than being close-minded.

Just saying - hopefully you will meet some lovely people now you have some leads in your area, whether they are hippy mamas or not!

Yeah, sorry, I?ve read the rest of the thread now!

Thanks loopy but I've got several toddler-friendly slings and I still ended up at the osteopath. I think you're over slings when you start to stack up the injuries.

Plus, these days he just puts his arms around my neck and refuses to let go when I need to do important tasks, so that works almost as well for him.

I've just noticed that in my earlier post I suggest I "sleep with the other mums" implying that I am shagging women with children all over the UK.

I obviously meant I discuss sleep with them. I can be a bit of a hippie but I haven't started on the whole free love thing....yet. After all, I have a toddler - I'm too tired.

"sometimes I just need support from people who think like me. E.g. I want to complain about the fact that my co-sleeping baby wakes every 2 hours and I want reassurance and sympathy, practical ideas on how to make it easier, I don't want to be told to put him in a cot to CIO"

This!! Especially as I'm SO tired at the moment, I am starting to think just shoving DD in her own room and closing door is a good idea (not really, buit you know what I mean). I don't REALLY want to do CC or anything like that but when other people insist on telling you how they did it and their LO "only" cried for 40 mins and now sleeps through it's a bit annoying!

Hiya Toobreathless,

I will be attending a new playgroup in Fleet at the Fleet Parish Community centre (near Sainsburys carpark off the fleet road) on Fridays between 10am and 12pm if you fancy joining?

They have a cafe and a huge hall for the little ones to play. :)

Hi guys I'm new here, I'm 30 a happy hippie with a 6 month girl and I'm struggling to find hippie mums in my area of Eastwood Nottingham, but at the moment I'm going up to surestart but I'm tired of going up but my little gets bored of going anyone live in the area or the surrounding area ✌