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Original poster

Nursery - continue with it for continuity for dd or stop...

14 replies

Capitaltrixie · 27/10/2011 12:20

Hi! sorry - this prossibly should be in 'Childcare & work' but it sort of fits this too!
I'm pregant with DD2 and just gone on mat leave. When I was working DD1 was at nursery 3 days/week & seemed happy & settled there on the whole. Since leaving work I've continued her going just 1 day/week as I'll be back at work next July (though my mum is retiring & can help out so only 1 day/week).
At first I thought carrying on 1 day a week was a great idea - I thought I'd enjoy the break, but I miss her so much when she's there, and she also doesn't seem to be enjoying it as much. DD is 18 months, so could be a phase of of sep anxiety. She just seems to look a bit lost now - spied on her through the peep hole & she was doing a lot of wandering around on her own, not settling whereas before she seemed to love it. Guess she has got used to being at home much more...

So the Q is; do I take her out all together till July when she may or may not be going in 1 day/week to a diff group anyway, or keep up with it as it's familair for her if/when she goes back & also good for socialising as I don't do much mum/toddler group stuff.

Feel pathetic asking this as I should know what makes my child happiest, but finding it hard to make a rational decision when my own (heavily pregnant) emotions are clouding it just want to do what's best for her, I'm sure I'm overthinking this whole thing! (blaming pregnancy hormones again..) Thanks!

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/10/2011 12:36

I think you should maintain the continuity. I'm not sure that 'wandering around' equals unhappiness. Many toddlers like doing that. And I don't think you missing her is adequate reason for keeping her away either. If the nursery is the only chance she gets to be with other children, it's valuable.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 27/10/2011 12:45

It's a hard one. I'm going on maternity leave in a couple of weeks and have just taken DD out of her nursery early because she's started to really hate going. I had intended to keep her there at least for a while longer.

But, she's older (3) and goes to pre-school too so is not depending on it for socialising. If she's returning to the same nursery in July then there's not much point taking her out tbh unless she really hates it.

An0therName · 27/10/2011 12:53

I would be inclined to keep her in; firstly you haven't had the baby yet and will probably unless you have one of those really easy babys really value a day with only one if you are not doing much mums and toddlers then as she get older she will value having that time with other children and doing stuff more, and I think it would be harder to go back in July if she has the break

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Treadmillmom · 27/10/2011 12:53

I'm with CogitoErgoSometimes, keep her in nursery for the continuity, it'll make 'your' adjustment back to work in July much easier if you don't have a screaming toddler who assumed nursery was all in the past.
I have 3 DC and kept all of them in nursery for 1 day a week whilst I was on maternity leave.

Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 27/10/2011 13:15

Thanks everyone..I agree that it's good to maintain continuity, especially with going back to work in July. Being honest, some of it is probably my separation anxiety ha! She is such a happy toddler, guess I was worrying too much as she hasn't looked happy there for the last 2 or 3 weeks.
Think if she's the same, I might pop in and have a word to get some feedback. However, you're right cogito; wandering round a bit lost doesn't equal unhappy!
Think what's bothering me is that I'm not 100% sure she is going back in July either, my mum is doing 2 days/week childcare & I might cut my hours as it'll be nursery double-bubble for the 3rd day as dd won't be funded for a while yet. Local pre-school is outstanding so was hoping she could start there from 2 1/2.
If you have time to reply again; do most of you do/have done mum & todd gp activities? I've shied away but will go along if it seems valuable..

Hope all goes well with new baby Guillotined

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An0therName · 27/10/2011 13:26

re toddler groups you have to find the right group I think - I like one where the organisers are friendly this has a knock on effect on how friendly the parents are in my experience and not too busy. me and DS2 (20 mo) love our local group - go 2 times a week - he does things like sticking and even painting -which I am less keen to do a home - and I have met some really nice people - I would try a few now and see how it goes. don't do loads of other things the rest of the week but have an older one at school so out and about a fair bit

BTW Assume you have DD down for the pre-school as if outstanding will very likely have big waiting list - and assume your mum can manage drop off an pick up as normally just mornings or afternoons.

Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 27/10/2011 13:36

Thanks An0ther, I'm going to try a couple of local ones - there's one over the road that meets once a week so I'll bite the bullet and stop being a wimp [hsmile] Be good to meet other mums and I've got a bit more time now as not working.

Pre-school is also over the road so easy for drop-offs/pick ups, good point - been meaning to call this week to get her on the list, will do this afternoon.

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Octaviapink · 27/10/2011 15:25

I took DD out of nursery when I had DS because I didn't like her going - it wasn't a great nursery and she wasn't developing the way she had at home with me. I don't do any mum-and-toddler stuff but it hasn't affected her socialisation at all - she's really good with other children when we see friends with kids.

So much changes in nine or ten months that I don't think the 'continuity' argument really holds much water - your DD will be completely different person next summer.

If you think there's any chance you might not go back to work next summer then I'd be inclined to take her out. Apart from anything else you might want to send them both to a childminder where they could be with each other - most siblings don't get to be with each other at nursery because they're in different rooms.

Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 27/10/2011 19:55

sorry - my first sentence doesn't make sense, must be tired today meant to say I can see the reasoning behind sending her there for continuity.

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Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 27/10/2011 20:04

OK I didn't actually post this message I thought I did..even more tired than I thought!

Thanks Octaviapink! I was secretly hoping that someone might have had that sort of experience & therefore the opinion that it's not necessarily crucial to carry on, grateful for everyone taking time to reply of course [hsmile]

The nursery my DD goes to is ok, even bordering on good, but there is a definite chance she might not be going back as my mum will be looking after them. If I do need them to both go to nursery for 1 day, they would be in different rooms so a childminder may be better for that day.

DD is also good with other children, quite feisty and confident really, have a few friends with kids and she's always fine with them too & other adults.

Will give m & t group a go though & see how it goes. It might do me good too as feeling quite isolated, we haven't been in the area that long & I'm feeling it more so with not working now..

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Murtette · 28/10/2011 21:18

Could it be the case that DD is finding nursery a bit strange as she only goes once a week meaning there are six days at home with you between each session? Would it be possible for you to split her sessions into two mornings so the same overall time there but she'll be there on a more regular basis? Our nursery will only take children on this basis (ie they have to do a minimum of two sessions a week but those sessions cannot both be on the same day). I hope she settles again soon.

Familydilemma · 29/10/2011 09:58

Wait and see until you've had dc2. If baby not sleeping, dd's nursery sessions could be what keep you sane. Or you might be fine and want her home. Either fine, but I'd wait and see.

HoneyPablo · 29/10/2011 10:06

I work in a nursery and sometimes find that some children really struggle with just attending for 1 day a week. They are aften not fully accepted by the other children if there are a lot of fulltimers in the group.
Children don't really need to socialise with other children at that age. I don't really see any benefit to children attending for 1 day a week, unless they really have to because of parent's working commitments.
It will do your daughter no harm whatsoever to take her out of nursery now and send her later when she is older. She won't have missed out at all- she will still develop as she would have done, especially if you can go to the mother and toddler groups.

Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 31/10/2011 15:15

Sorry - didn't logon over the weekend, so didn't realise there were more replies Thanks everyone

That's really interesting, particularly as you work in a nursery honeypablo, I did wonder about the 1 day a week thing...

Murtette - Originally I asked the nursery about 2 mornings as I thought it would be better to split it rather than just 1 long day, they said it would be tricky with the afternoon nap and a full-day is better, so I didn't pursue it, but thinking about it now..2 shorter sessions/week would have been better.

Only 3 weeks left (ish!) till LO arrives so yep - Familydilema, going to wait & see how everything is in December & then I'll (happily) take her out if she still hasn't settled. Feeling much better about the whole thing, thank you.

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