Not very christmassy but ....

[abitofastrangeone]

I just wanted to ask your opinion about my ds.

He is 5 yo and seems to me, to be overly affectionate with me and his siblings. He wants lots of kisses and cuddles and seems to be a bit over the top to me.

Is this normal behaviour?

The only reason I'm asking is that I was abused as a child and I'm wondering if this is what is making me feel uncomfortable. Could I have some sort of problem with being affectionate with my ds or do other people find it claustrophobic?

Sorry for the name change, but I didn't want to advertise the fact I've been abused.

I dont think you will get many replies to this on Xmas Eve.

It is perfectly normal esp for boys to be very affectionate and so dont worry about it. You will be upset when he stops wanting hugs and kisses!

Have you had counselling for your abuse?

Thanks for replying Collision. I didn't think I would get many replies but it just popped into my head this evening, that maybe that is why I feel uncomfortable about big displays of affection.

Glad to hear that it's perfectly normal behaviour, and that I'm the one with the problem.

I have had counselling in the past, but it was a long time after the event and not very helpful. Generally I think I deal with it well, but everynow and then I wonder if it has affected me more than I thought.

Thanks again. Happy Christmas.

Message withdrawn

my ds is five and he's very kissy huggy cuddly, and sometimes trys to snog the gob off me.
i think boys do tend to be very affectionate.

He sounds fine to me, too.

I wouldn't worry about your discomfort around kisses and cuddles being a huge problem for your son. My mother's definitely not a kissy/cuddly sort of person and it hasn't given my sister or I any problems, as far as we are aware!

HTH

I've a 4 year old DS and he is very affectionate too. He randomly tells me he loves me, you know, stood in the queue at the supermarket He is really cuddly and tactile.

I think it is normal for some chilren to like displaying their affection jsut as it is that some adults are more that way inclined than others.

My dd is 4.5 and is always after kisses and cuddles - she's very affectionate and tactile, so as far as my experience goes it's normal for a child of that age to be so affectionate. Kisses and cuddles are pretty essential stuff for most of us, and children are no exception to that.

Abuse of this kind can and does leave a life-long legacy; I was abused as a child and it affects me deeply even now in a lot of ways. I wonder whether you would benefit from speaking to someone - I know you've said you had counselling and didn't find it helpful, but wonder if a different counsellor or a different kind of counselling or therapy would help you. I know myself that it's easy to think you've worked through it but then to find it comes back and takes you by surprise.