Anyone fee' 'Baa humbug' that children will be getting yet more stuff at Xmas?

[bobblyboris]

OK. I know I sound like a grumpy, old fashioned down in the mouth. However, when I was little, we didn't seem to have that much 'stuff'. Toy's were a luxury and we seemed to only have a few. I have a DS (just over 1) who's just has a birthday, hence 'stuff' and I am now being asked what more 'stuff' he can be bought for Xmas. I'm sure the amount of stuff he has is in no way related to his level of happiness and we just seem to be endlessly consuming and filling out house up!
He doesn't get around to playing with most of his things now and much prefers books, nursery rhymes and generally playing with anything that is not a toy.
I feel quite sad that everything seems all about consumption, especially when I think of all the little children in the world who have very little and often don't seem any worse off (maybe better) than us.

• I / we feel like he'll be getting so much stuff, we don't want to bother adding to it. (harsh I know).

Anyway, I'm going on, but wondered if anyone else had similar thoughts??.....

I know exactly what you mean I have older DC but the presents seem to get smaller but more expensive every year.
They don't actually need anything/any more stuff and yet we want them to have Christmas presents. The stocking fillers from past years tend to end up in a box under their beds.
We will be thinking very carefully about what they may get this year.

So, tell them to buy him books, or clothes, or things that will last well and continue to be useful. Or to put money into a savings account and just buy something trivial. Its easy to end up drowned in stuff, but you need to explain to family and friends that you're trying to keep the sheer amount of it down and would rather they got things that will last.

We feel like that too our kids have so many toys but they hardly ever play with any of them. Last year my parents bought us all tickets for the pantomime and my brother bought the older ones subscriptions to education city which they loved. Most of the toys other people brought them ended up at the car booty in the summer still in their original unopened boxes, and a few are up in the loft.

I hate it. 4 DC - we are buried. Usually we buy less (or nothing) to compensate for what other people are buying.

Yes I agree. The dreaded stockings end up costing so much and nothing gets looked at after 7am on Dec 25th. I speak as a parent of big teens now so it's not so hard, but I used to think about scouting under their beds for unplayed with toys and rewrapping them for the stockings - I swear they would never have noticed.
Now am faced with the gloomy prospect of requesting money for DS from family as all he wants is bigger computer memory. I hate that cos, well you know, then it's all about money...

Yes, this year we are doing a Wii as a family present and they are getting camping stuff in their stockings and that is it from us.

Dcs are now teenagers, and apart from my brother and pils, only got presents from us at Xmas. I never went overboard...usually a main present max £50 and a couple of others, plus a stocking.
I think many children get presents all year round, not just at birthdays and Xmas , and so have lots of "stuff". And if you have whole class parties that's 30 presents
I find it quite sad when posters ask what can they buy their dcs because they have "everything".

Totally agree!! My daughter is only six months old and already has TONS of stuff. My motto is that you should spoil children with attention, rather than gifts.

I'm a bit nervous about Xmas but I think I'm going to hint heavily to the extended family that we'd love non-material gifts. For example, an annual membership to the zoo would be ace. Or that second-hand toys from car boot sales would be cool, too.

I don't know about others, but I really want to have the conversation mentioned by the OP but find it really difficult as it feels kind of presumptous, not to mention ungrateful. Truth be told my two don't really get that much anyway - the family is only small and we don't tend to present swap with friends (thankfully).

At DS's recent birthday party I really wanted to be able to say no presents, but again it's really awkward and something I didn't feel I could do. (Also seemed rather unfair on him so obviously I didn't).

We have always tried to go for quality not quantity in our house. Consequently pretty much all DS's toys and now available to DD because they have stood the test of time. My parents always "comment" on how many toys they have, but when we go to some friend's houses I am truly amazed by how much their children have compared with ours. I don't feel ours are missing out at all.

2 DDs and my house is full too! We limit toys according to the storage we have. That is a built in cupboard in the dining room and a blanket box in the same room, then whatever they can fit on the shelves in their room or under their beds. I don't know how people who ban toys from downstairs in their homes do it.

Before Christmas and birthdays I always push them gently to have a 'sort out' and get rid of any toys that are broken, scruffy or too young for them.
The problem is, they are careful girls so there are rarely any scruffy or broken toys. Anything the older one wants rid of, the younger one quickly claims. Also, the younger one is very sentimental about her toys and is loathe to part with anything. At the moment I am in a fight with her about getting rid of a pink rocking horse that I thought was a good idea at the time, but now takes up a lot of valuable space in her small room. She won't budge.

I am hinting for small things for Christmas and will be getting them things like DVDs and CDs that are small and easy to store. Magazine subscriptions are also on my list and I've hinted about vouchers for a local craft experience sweet shop for my sister who always buys them tat. My MIL buys them both a massive sackful of gifts each by herself though.

I currently have a large bin bag ready to recycle to the charity shop and am about to start on the toy cupboard downstairs!

Oh gods yes!
Ds and dn are 3, with new baby due shortly after Christmas.

Stuff is now so cheap they have mountains of it - I took ds to a car boot sale recently thinking giving him a couple quid to spend on toys would give him an idea about money. Except there was so much stuff that people were giving away toys for free!

I keep trying to tell my parents and ILs that what ds really wants is a CBeebies or similar magazine with a piece of plastic tat on the front, and a contribution to his university fund (child trust fund). They're finally realising that our house is full and keeping more toys at their houses, but the fund accounts are no fuller!

I'm trying to get rid of toys but if ds sees them before I get them to the charity shop then they become his new favourites for a while...

So glad people feel in the same boat. gaelicsheep - I am certainly not presumptuous or ungrateful - in fact the opposite. We have a very small family, no in laws, my husband has no siblings etc but we still seem to have lots of things for DC with people trying to be generous and kind when really small, simple things would do.

I was reading an article since first post which was saying how UK children have the most spent on them and are often the most unhappy as objects are used to replace attention. Apparently, kids who have console games etc when asked would much rather spend time with their family than play them most of the time.
It's all messed up IMO. If you go to other parts of the world, e.g., SE Asia, children have very little and seem so contented and happy - they are constantly surrounded by close and extended family.
Really like the zoo pass idea and some of the others. That's what it all should be about!

I know you're not OP! Neither am I. It just feels that way to have the conversation IYSWIM - like I'm anticipating the kids getting presents (which of course I am, but don't want it to sound like that, if that makes sense?)

Yes, totally know what you mean about asking people to get less. I also don't want to look mean by not getting DC's much ourselves, even though it's what I believe in, as friends and family seem to be as if they see the more you buy, the buy you love.

I feel the same. DS has lots of toys (the vast majority of which are gifts) in his playroom, and yet his fave thing to do is empty out the plastic bowls from the cupboard. He plays with a very small select choice of toys (namely: balls, a stacking toy, some boxes and a train).

If people ask I always ask for books because they are expensive over here, he likes them and at least he uses them for a bit longer. Plus I share with friends.

Yes I'm totally with you on this one!
We have 3 dds who have just turned 4 & 3 & 15 months.

Sooo much stuff..

We had a family 'meeting' and are not buying presents for each other between my parents sister and her kids this year and have decided to go to centre parcs instead which the kids will enjoy a lot more & remember for longer.

We have told extended family & friends who we usually buy for not to get anything & that we are giving the equivalent money to a local prem baby charity where my nephew was born.

We will be buying our own kids bikes this year- the biggest two anyway & little stocking fillers.

Mil is the worst though she just does not listen at all- dc4 is due in 7 weeks & with our small age gaps we really don't need anything. Especially if it's a girl.

Recent conversation went :

'right do you need vests babygros or outfits for the baby?'

Me: ' no we have it all we really don't need anything'

' ok I'll just get the lot then'

WTF???

Is it just me?

I have also done the shoebox appeal with the girls I want them to realise other children just don't have anything

A few years ago we were completely skint at Christmas and it changed our whole perspective for the better. Now even though we could afford to " spoil" dd it just doesn't happen.

Dd will get three books for Christmas and a stocking. The night before she will get new pyjamas from my sister . We asked people to stop buying her stuff and they have. My mum the family a boardgame. Dp and I have also stopped buying for each other at Christmas as well, so that sets a tone.

I don't think that anyone who matters thinks that we are mean for not spending much on presents.

I'm looking at how to seriously save money this xmas, now my car insurance and AA membership has gone out of the bank in one go. DS really wants new computer (is sort of a present for the house as it would go in living room and visitors could use it too) but I just can't see how I can find £400 or thereabouts. DS is 14 now and doesn't want any little stuff really, he has his heart set on a workable computer (unlike the netbook he has been using). I suppose he'll just have to be disappointed. Although I know he won't hold it against me and really he has never had a present worth more than £80 in his life. Just musing here.

I just stopped perpetuating the expectation - just buy one big present and that's it. Why this is so hard for people to implement I don't know.
One year old's don't have peer pressure as to who got the most presents at Christmas, for gosh sake!

I also don't have satellite telly, which helps a lot by preventing the commercial forcefeeding of toys down a child's mental gully this time of year.

As a child, I remember being massively excited by the anticpation of that one big present I asked for and happy enough with the stocking full of tangerines and chocolates at the end of the bed. This is pre-satellite telly and mass consumerism days though (1940s) :)

Imagine the hundreds of pounds you might spend on bits of crummy plastic and electronics for your children each year, that you could instead save and put towards a fantastic short break for you all by just buying one big present and a stocking of little edible treats.

Who's presssuring YOU to buy lots of presents for your children? If the child makes a song and dance about it all, they'll soon get over it as they do with all complaints and tantrums. Make their memory bank full of wonderful parental interaction, not iPods. I might still remember my Stylophone with nostalgia, but it's the christmas morning spent iceskating with my dad on the frozen road outside that makes my self-worth blossom and that was for free, whilst other children were still indoors unwrapping 700 toys they'll shelve by boxing day, me and him were red-cheeked, glowing and bonding, sliding up and down the icy road. For free. Then I went indoors to happily play with my new doll's house. :)

Ha,ha! 1970s I meant, not 1940s!

We have the same problem - I don't buy adults presents anymore (everyone has what they need and can buy themselves what they want) unless is something that I think would be appreciated and not get for themselves. I don't believe in buy tat for the sake of having 'something to open'!
I did buy for family and close friends children when younger but am now having second thoughts about buying stuff - as they are getting older and don't play with it anyway.

Am going to buy for children: book tokens or memberships to places, tickets to shows or just give them some cash to save for whatever they want to choose themselves. Cutting out the middleman (Santa)!
Much easier and no more junk to clutter up the house!

I'm anticipating this problem too. DS2 is 1 just after Christmas, already has every toy a baby could possibly need from DS1's collection, was given more when he was born and is probably going to be given 2 more large heaps of stuff!
I really want to give him a few boxes and some wrapping paper because that is what he'll actually play with. It does feel mean and presumptuous asking other people not to buy presents though, even if a 1yo won't care.

I do agree with everyone about not spending loads, but there was always something magical at christmas about opening up a shed loads of presents in our stocking. They weren't expensive things by any stretch and were often practical and cheap - toothbrushes, toothpaste, socks etc, as well as individual pencils, a colouring book etc. I loved it, the magic of Christmas of Santa dropping this huge pile of presents, although my parents were on a strict budget and we weren't bought anything between christmas and birthdays. So I believe in quantity for stockings. My SIL mocked me when we were out recently - her kids were bought a few things whilst we were out for the day. I bought a pencil and kept it hidden from DS to put in his stocking. She was shocked I didn't just give it to him there and then. Maybe we should go down the minimal presents route, but I think for stockings, I do go a bit mad. But I keep it practical and don't spend more than £1 or £2 per item.

it's easy to decide for onesef that you won't go overboard. it's dealing with well meaning generous rellies that's hard. our dc are the only grandchildren of 2 families. they genuinely love buying things for them, they dont go overboard moneywise but they take the time and attention to pick something the dc will love. it feels xmasy especially for mum and mil. so i feel bad depriving them of that, as well as rude and presumptious mentioning presents at all.

sorry bad typing bfing