My daughter is losing her girl friends because she only playing with boys - one in particular - should I interfere?

[squooz]

My little girl has just started school and is doing great - she is very happy and settled and has a very good friend who is a boy and plays with him almost exclusively - her group of girl friends from preschool are starting to tell their mummys that they dont play with my DD anymore because she is always playing with her best boy friend - and the rest of the boys! Im not worried about her becoming a tomboy but she loves her girly games and I am afraid she may be isolated soon if the boys decide she isn't cool anymore. I have tried talking to her about including all her friends in her games and we still have playdates with a couple of her girl friends but they are losing interest. Any ideas anyone?

My advice is just leave her to it. Kids will find their own friends you can't force it.

My experience my son is that he has more or less had the same group of friends throughout primary school

My daughter, who's 13 now, seemed to change groups of friends all the time. The were always falling out, finding new friends, dumping old friends, re-making friends etc etc etc and it was hard to keep track of

You should be very happy she's doing well at school and has friends.

I think its sad that you should think of stopping her playing with one boy. Boys aren't the enemy and maybe this boy is nicer than the girls in question.

Certainly think you need to encourage lots of playdate with a range of children, prehaps even invite this little boy over. Maybe try and get your little girl to have friends outside school.

My son has a friend who is a girl and I feel it has enriched both the children's lives playing together. The little girl has played power rangers and done climbing and my son has played tea parties with his friend on occassion.

I suppose if you are worried about your little girl's social development then you could talk to the teacher for more reassurance.

'I think its sad that you should think of stopping her playing with one boy' - Im not stopping her playing with anyone - the opposite - I have tried to encourage her not to forget her other friends but I am not trying to dictate to her who she plays with at all. I only became concerned when mothers of her other friends started telling me their daughters had mentioned that my DD didnt play with them anymore. I know I should probably just stand back and let her get on with it.

It's nice that the other girls want to play with her - she was clearly popular with them if they've mentioned to their mothers that she doesn't play with them any more - but I would let them work it out.

Sounds like the problem is with the other girls tbh if they don't want to come on playdates because she plays with the boys.

I'd invite the boys for playdates instead

You have already tried to talk to her about including all her friends. As hard as it is, I think you need to stand back a bit now and let her get on with it. Things may change when she is a bit older, but if her boy friends are nice then let her get on with it.

I think it is wise to only get involved with friendships if there is bullying or ongoing manipulation or unkindness, or her friends are particularly rough and you don't want her copying them.

I used to be that kid!!! Always to be found in a posse of boys at primary school. I found them more fun, less hard work and much more biddable than the nasty little gaggles of girls who were always falling out over nothing and name-calling. My favourite was Roderick who used to look out for me and fetch stuff, and was therefore very useful.

Your DD is a girl after my own heart. Trust her judgement :)

I wouldn't worry - just be pleased she's got a good friend. My dd was happier playing with boys in reception and still is now she's in year 5. I think she finds the girls a bit giggly and silly, to be honest, and there certainly seems to be less falling out among the boys.

I did wonder whether there would come a time when she got left out more and more but it hasn't happened yet.

Thanks for the thoughts on this - standing back a bit does seem to be the best way to go. To be fair to her friends who are girls they are not avoiding her cos she is with the boys - its because she simply doesnt play with them anymore - she is just to busy being a tomboy and doesnt pay them any attention!! Its a big shift from her preschool days when she was rarely without some princess accessory or other - now its all superheros and dragons - the variety is definitely a bonus!