Teenage girl and bitchiness

[alto2]

DD 13 is caught in the middle between friends at school. One is a new girl who has alienated lots of the others, including two of dd's best friends. She (ng) has already moved school (more than once) and moved class because of problems with peers (mainly accusations of bullying - by her, not of her).

I'm quite worried about dd's friendship with the new girl. Some of the things ng has said to other girls go well beyond normal teenage bitchiness (I don't know if dd knows about them; I heard them from other mothers). She seems keen to split dd off from her older friends. She is also dazzling her with extravagant promises - 'My Mum says I can take you with us when we go shopping in New York' type of thing.

DD wants to go to a sleepover at ng's house to which none of her other, more long-standing, friends are invited.

I'm worried about it and inclined to say no. What if this girl turns on her? I know I should allow dd to judge for herself but I'm really afraid she's out of her depth.

I barely know the mother, which doesn't help.

Any advice? Thanks in advance

I'd say no to the sleepover and keep an eye on the friendship generally. You have to play it carefully because it's a bit like boyfriends. The more you disapprove, the more attractive they become. The reason I'd say no to the sleepover is that IME bullies will use private information gained to use as gossip against someone later. Help your DD keep the girl more at arms length rather than any closer. Good luck

Thanks very much, that sounds a sensible way forward. Dd knows that the girl has been mean to others but not the details. Good point about private information. Should really have that chat with her.