praise assembly, swimming, and bragging

[kmg1]

OK - here's the scenario - DS1 has just swum across the pool. He is 6.5, and has had lessons for years, and been taken swimming since he was born - i.e. he is NOT a natural. This is a huge achievement for him, and it needs recognising.

When he gets his certificate from the swimming instructor he can take it to school to be presented in assembly ... BUT his certificate will be for 10m, there are children in his class who have already had certificates for swimming 100m.

I just don't know what to do for the best - whether taking it in will inevitably result in some teasing/bragging from other children ... and whether this will actually dent his confidence. But he will be very keen to take it in, so I need a good story if I'm to dissuade him.

Any ideas?

ah now this happens in ours - some kids got level 2 reading and others got5. No one seemed to mind/notice actch - but they are 5/6 yrs

BTW I think this sort of bragging in children is to some extent natural and unavoidable. DS1 is very talented in other areas (e.g. literacy and maths), and is very quick to tell other children that he is top of the class, he got the highest test results, etc. He knows he can't be good at everything, but for him this swimming thing has definitely been the biggest thing he's ever achieved, because he's found it hard and has had to really work at it.

Thanks codswallop - posts crossed - these children would definitely notice, actually. They are very competitive about everything

Talk to the teacher first and tell her of your concerns. If you get a reaction that makes you comfortable then let him take it in. If she doesn't quite seem to get it then ask him if he wants to send a copy to grandparents/ Father Christmas etc. You could even send the real thing to someone (who will later return it to you) then he won't have it to take to school.
10m for him is probably a bigger achievment for him than 100m is for some of the others. He needs the right sort of praise and recognition.
Post it on the internet for all to see.

kmg, sorry if this sounds harsh, but IMHO if he swanks about being top of the class to people who aren't (but who probably still try very hard to do as well as they can) then receiving their reactions to his best efforts at swimming, which are still less than theirs, will actually be a good learning experience for him. I do believe very much in rewarding effort at least as much as achievement, and that different talents should be equally recognised, and if this is the first time his own efforts have resulted in lesser achievements than others he can definitely benefit from it. (It sounds as if possibly "knowing he can't be good at everything" hasn't extended to empathising with those who aren't as academic as him.)

Send it in to school by all means, and encourage him to learn from it how other people, who aren't as clever as him, might feel when he tells them he has come top of the class again.

I think you should let him take it in and be presented with it. I think we tend to assume the worst will happen, and then act as if our assumptions are fact when often we are plain wrong. He wants it, it's a big achievement for him so I think you should let him have his certificate in assembly.

Thanks for all the feedback so far.

You did sound a bit harsh janh ... I know what you mean, I hate to hear him bragging, but he does work very hard at school as well. His teacher wanted to move him up in his reading, to use the 'upstairs' library, for 8-11s, and I didn't want her to, simply because he would brag about it. But she said that wasn't fair on him, as he needed the challenge for his reading, and she would talk to him about the boasting.

Dh tells me he was the same at school, but would have gladly given up every success in the classroom for a single success in football or cricket. Some things do seem to matter more to boys.

Kmg, my h was the same - would have loved to be sporty, eventually got into rugby - just really wanted to be one of the boys, but was more academic. It does matter to boys - in his experience. He felt a bit on the sidelines.

my oldest son is not a natural swimmer either and we had exactly this problem when he passed his 10 metres. He was a little older than your son - about 7 years. He passed his 25 metres at 8 years and we had the same thing then - and agian he chose to have the certificates presented.

He knew in advance he would be teased about it, but was happy to swallow this for the 'glory' of getting the certificate in assembly. And he knew (and everyone else knew) there were other 7 year olds who were that 'behind' in swimming achievement, which helped to lessen the teasing.

We talked it over and he made his own decision. I know my son but I don't know the minute social dynamics of his school so I felt I had to step back and let him decide.

Thanks everyone - that's really helpful, esp Tigermoth. I think I will talk it through with him, and let him make his own decision. I know there are other children who can't swim at all at school, it's just all his friends at school who go to Beavers too, all seem to be superb swimmers and great footballers too.

His little brother (just 4) will have a 5m certificate - but I will definitely send him with his on a different week!

Incidentally, Tigermoth, I always imagined your son to be very sporty! Funny how you think you know things about people on here.

At my kids school, each term they present swimming certificates to the kids who go swimming in years 3 and 4. Typically there are the kids who swim 200 metres etc but the Head always says the hardest certificate to get is the 10 metres. I think your son has done really well.

kmg, my son's active rather than sporty, I'd say. He's not fanatical about football but loves cycling and skateboarding. Swimming is his least favourite sport by far. He's never liked splashing around in the water, even on holiday. Ever since he had a grommit he's been more put off than ever and sadly, since he is a bit tubby, he is self conscious about being seen in swimming trunks, too. For all the above reasons we are giving swimming lessons a temporary rest, but he's got to get learning again after christmas, if only for his own safety.

I am hope the award presentation goes well, it that's what your son decides he wants.