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Parenting

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Original poster

ds did something stupid at school!!

13 replies

mwoo · 17/10/2011 10:09

My ds got involved in a incident at school on Friday, which involved him and two other boys (yr 4) and a girl (yr 3) , this is how he has told it to me, they were saying that she loved another boy in the playground, said it a few a few times as they were walking towards her, she fell over and stung herself on some stinging nettles (not sure what they were doing in the playground). Now he got a 30 minute detention and a behaviour letter home for me to sign.

We are not the kind of parents to take this lightly, my dh was bullied at school and made it clear that this was way out of line, banned him from the tv and computer and made it clear if it happened again there would be bigger consequences and lots of them!

Heres my issue, the wording on the letter reads 'intimidating behaviour towards a younger child' which I felt was a bit strong.

Went into school this am to speak to his teacher who said the incident the same as ds, I told her what we had done at home, and confirmed that we had no issue with the detention, the head was hovering and I asked if the wording went on SIMs, he jumps in says feels it is in context and that intimidating is the right choice of word, but no the wording in the detention book goes on SIMs, so I asked to see that to which he is a little surprised. This says 'threatening behaviour' but fully describes the incident so does put it more into context. I suggested the form to parents should mirror the book if thats what is put on record.

He then said that my son whilst he can be caring and kind, can be intimidating and is a bit of a leader. This has never been mentioned to me, I had parents evening last week with just glowing reports, so was a little confused. I asked him for an example and he said that the playground assistant had told him, so I suggested that he spend some time with him and get to know him and will then see for himself.

Now this is not a perfect way to start a week, I was a little defensive which is not ideal, but to be fair so was he. Now I want to go back and tell him I'm not happy with 'threatening' either. Am I getting this out of proportion???

Thoughts please.

OP posts:

pictish · 17/10/2011 10:12

Mmm....my initial thought is for you to wake up and smell the coffee and take what you are being told on board I'm afraid.
You are not with him at school, so I think you would do well to listen to those adults who are. really - what would they have to gain by exaggerating?

thisisyesterday · 17/10/2011 10:14

i think they are right. it IS intimidating behaviour

pictish · 17/10/2011 10:15

It is.
Threatening or intimidating....either or, that behaviour IS it.

MmeLindor. · 17/10/2011 10:17

I think that you are getting het up on the wording in a book, instead of sorting out if your DS really is showing intimidating or threatening behaviour.

I don't think that the head has time to spend with various children, and has to trust what his staff tell him.

Can you ask the teacher if she has noticed any problems with your DS's behaviour? And ask for examples from the playground assistant (who is seeing your DS in a non-classroom environment where this kind of behaviour is more likely to be observed).

MadameCastafiore · 17/10/2011 10:18

I do think that unless your kid has been unfairly accused of something you just need to suck it up and let it go - what he did would have been intimidationg for the little girl.

tryingtoleave · 17/10/2011 10:20

Was she trying to run away from them?

Three boys advancing on a younger girl sounds threatening - I would feel threatened if it were me and three men.

pictish · 17/10/2011 10:21

" I asked him for an example and he said that the playground assistant had told him, so I suggested that he spend some time with him and get to know him and will then see for himself."

Now that is a silly ask isn't it? Do you not believe the playground assistant to qualified to know intimidating behaviour when he/she sees it?

That's what the playground assistant is for - the teacher has not the time to 'spend time' with every pupil in order to 'get to know them', therefore they have staff on watch to supervise during break times. This is what that member of staff has reported. Sorry.

tigerfood · 17/10/2011 10:24

How would you feel if the Y3 girl in question was your DD ?
And yes, I would call it intimidating and threatening behaviour

pictish · 17/10/2011 10:30

By the way....I don't think what your son did was neccessarily intended to frighten OR intimidate the little girl....god knows I have a 10 year old son myself and know what idiots little boys can be.....but you have got your priorities all wrong. You need to accept that the girl felt threatened by the behaviour and put your son right on appropriate behaviour, whether he meant any harm to her or not, rather than taking offence at having your little angel described as intimidating.

I have been where you are now, not with intimidating behaviour as such, but with inappropriate behaviour, and while it did pain me to have my lovely son thought of in such a way, I took responsibility for his behaviour and nipped it right in the bud.

pictish · 17/10/2011 10:31

And also thanked them for making me aware of it.

NotJustClassic · 17/10/2011 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopyLoopsPussInBoots · 17/10/2011 10:34

What the others said. Don't waste your time trying to change the wording - they have it right. Spend time on your son's intimidating behaviour.

Bramshott · 17/10/2011 10:37

I think you're overthinking it and getting hung up on semantics. There was an incident in school and a letter was sent home. You were rightly mortified, spoke to your DS, put sanctions in place, and let him know that it was completely unacceptable behaviour and was not to happen again. Surely that should be the end of it?

But then I don't know what SIMs is . . . . Presumably his record at school?

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