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Parenting

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Original poster

When three's a crowd

5 replies

roisin · 22/12/2005 21:21

DSs (8 and 6) have a cousin (7) who is between them in age, though slightly closer to ds2.

Whenever we meet up with him (rarely) he always pairs off with one of the boys, and the other is left isolated and rejected, and it causes real problems.

He's a lovely lad, and I'm sure it's not his fault, I think it's the dynamics of three-somes. But I just don't know what to do with it. In the past we've had him to stay, but this year I've been reluctant to invite him as it's caused such tension in the past.

They don't live close to us, so it's not just a point of inviting a friend of ds1's to play for the afternoon ... and I don't think I could cope with inviting a friend to stay for a few days as well and having 4 little boys in the house!

Any suggestions?

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flashingnose · 22/12/2005 21:26

I think I would invite a friend along whenever they'll be left to their own devices IYSWIM e.g. if cousin is staying for the weekend, have a friend over for the day and then take them out to the cinema when the friend goes home (so you are the fourth person at that point). I know you're saying you couldn't cope with 4 boys in the house but tbh, I think you might actually find it easier than 3!

EliBeentoSantasGrotto · 22/12/2005 22:16

No answers, sorry, but watching thread with interest: DD is likely to be an 'only' and is between her two little cousins in age - am already aware (she's 2) of the tricky dynamics of threesomes. I wonder if there are games that work particularly well with three that might be useful for involving all of them?? Hope you get some ideas!

SNOWaMANda · 22/12/2005 22:51

We've just come back from visiting friends with 2 dds aged 7 and 5 and my dd is 6. She is pretty much in the middle of them exactly. She paired off more with the younger one but think that was down to personalities rather than age. I think we dealt with it by doing things with them like playing games so nobody was excluded etc.

I think it's hard though because you're inevitably always worried about one being left out. Agree that inviting another over could help the situation.

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hativity · 28/12/2005 10:09

invite a friend over for some of the time; arrange an activity where it's not so crucial - like flashingnose said the cinema would be good, put aside some time where you do an activity at home with them - cooking or making something and have a stand - by thing to do with the third if they are being left out. To an extent the three's a crowd thing is part of life and it won;t do them any harm to learn to deal with it.

WickedWinterWitch · 28/12/2005 10:15

3 can be an odd combination I think. Flashingnose's ideas sound good. How would it go down if you explained that they HAVE to all play together and find something they can all play (beyblades? film? Football? board game?) and if they don't you will send the cousin home/insert suitable thing here like making them do some boring chores where they do all have to join in. They're old enough to understand about not leaving people out aren't they?

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